Saturday, 28 July 2012

A Stupid Cold

On Tuesday I went to get my orthotics - I was very excited about them given that they should reduce the knee pain that I have been getting when I run.  I wasn't that excited when they told me that the medical aid hadn't paid anything towards them and I would need to pay $378 !!!  Even after a phone call to the medical aid, they told me that they will pay for my visit to the podiatrist, the gait analysis, the impressions for the orthotics but not the orthotics themselves - go figure !!!!  I have found the paperwork of our cover and need to phone them and take it up with them.  Mind you, I only get $150pa for podiatry so they are probably going to tell me I have exhausted my allocation for the year anyway - stupid bloody medical aids !!!

Thought I would go for a run on Wednesday and try new orthotics out - came home with that horrible scratchy feeling at the back of my throat so thought better of it.  Woke up on Thursday feeling really cr*ppy but so busy at work decided to go in anyway.  Battled through the day - got home at 4.30, put my pj's on and didn't take them off until this morning !!!!  Spent yesterday in bed sleeping most of the day - all snotty and snuffly - and woke up this morning feeling even worse than I did yesterday.  How does that work ?

Spent most of today lying on the couch under the blanket sleeping with baseball / footy on the TV and now have started to cough as well (thank goodness I have been doing my pelvic floor exercises like a good girl !!!!!).  Also had sore ribs this moring which I thought was rather strange given I hadn't been coughing.  Kidneys have been sore as well - am thinking probably because I haven't been drinking much.  My taste buds are shot to buggery - nothing tastes right.  A almost force feeding me because I can't be bothered to eat.

I know it is only a stupid cold and others are suffering way worse than me - I'm just annoyed that I haven't been able to shake it - really need it to be gone soon.  Didn't even go to the Suns vs Swans game tonight in the hope that staying out of the chilly night air would help me get better sooner - am wondering if maybe I should just have gone anyway.

A leaves for Townsville on Tuesday morning.  He is hoping to be back the following Tuesday - told him I would have to find someone else to come to NZ with me if he wasn't back in time - he has promised me he will be.  Apparently his boss said that if they were delayed for any reason, they would fly him home !!!!  Which is good because I don't really want to go on holiday with anyone else !!!!

Have a great Sunday and hopefully the next time I post I will be all better and have had a chance to try out my orthotics and can let you know how they went.

TFTD : You are a human who is not perfect.  You will make mistakes.  But life is not about the mistakes you make, it's about what you learn from them, and the unique steps you take to rectify them.

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

(Random Things for) Thankful Thursday

Because I am writing this on Wednesday night, I am anticipating Kate's Thankful Thursday post (not that she ever lets us down !!!!).

This week I am thankful for :

- a cold which I woke up with this morning because it gives me a chance to get rid of it before we go on holiday in two weeks time.

- the granadilla's my folks gave me to add to the plain yoghurt I bought (despite the fact that they gave me about 25 and I only have 500ml of yoghurt !!!!)

- the wonderful birthday I had on Saturday and the lovely presents I received

- an impromptu dinner out last night with A where we got to talk about his job offers

- the fact that there are 6 companies trying to get him to join them when the company he currently works for closes it's doors

- a car which has nearly 200,000kms on the clock but is still reliable and great to drive

- blogging, twitter and facebook friends who are so supportive and caring

- only 10 days of work until we leave for NZ (or 11 if you count the Saturday that I think I will have to work to get everything done before I go !!!)

- the opportunity to meet other bloggers next Saturday

- the courage (that I hope I will have on the day) to go out and meet above bloggers

- this opportunity to reflect on what I am thankful for rather than concentrating on what is annoying / irritating / p*ssing me off !

What are you thankful for this week ?

TFTD :  Be honest.  Kiss those you love.  Say "Thank you", "I love you" and "You did a great job" to someone each day.  Love your life and what you have been given, it is not accidental - search for your purpose and do it the best that you can.  Dreaming does matter - it allows you to become that which you aspire to be.  Forgive - it frees the soul.  Recognise the special people you have been blessed to know.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Things I Know

Linking in with Dorothy from Singular Insanity with some (random) things that I know today :

- I am feeling 1,000 times better today than I was during the week just gone - YAY !!!

- maybe that is because it is my birthday and I am getting thoroughly spoilt

- I have an amazing support system without which I wouldn't function as well as I do

- others are doing it tougher than I am

- the wind that is blowing may make the game this afternoon a little unpleasant

- the pecan pie from Montmarte looks nicer than it tastes

- Crust make the best sweet chilli and basil pizza

- I had some awesome random things to include in this blog but I can't remember them now that I am sitting here blogging !!!!

Have the best weekend ever !

TFTD : The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths.  These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern.  Beautiful people do not just happen.

Friday, 20 July 2012

Team Friday

Linking up with Stacey-Lee at Get On With It Already who has taken over the linky for Friday from B.

My exercise this week consisted of personal training for 30 mins last night.  I didn't want to go.  We had had to cancel on Tuesday night because the trainer was working.  He had suggested Wednesday night instead but I just couldn't face training - I felt lousy not doing anything and am wondering if maybe the lack of exercise is partly to blame for my low mood.

Anyway, last night I got home from work, fiddled around for a while and then we went.  I really enjoyed it.  I felt like I was accomplishing something.  I felt like I had achieved something for the day.  I know it isn't a lot given what I was doing most days, but in the scope of where I am right now, it was great.

After that we went back home and I had a client booked in for a massage.  Well, by the time A got home at about 9.30, I was feeling so much better.  I had spent the time between my client and A arriving home crocheting for the homeless / under privilege / less fortunate than I am, and that always makes me feel good - being able to do something for someone else.

Stacey-Lee, I hope you enjoy hosting the Team Friday linky !

Have the best Friday ever !

TFTD : Most do not understand the wonderful opportunities life gives ........until they are looking back.

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Thankful Thursday

Linking in with Kate from katesaysstuff for Thankful Thursday. 

Up until lunch time, I really didn't feel thankful for anything much.  I was at work.  Tears were just rolling down my face.  I felt down in the dumps.  I hated how I felt - I hate what I am going through BUT what I am going through is so much less than what some other people are going through.  I know that there are people who are suffering so much more than me -one of them being my Dad who is fighting cancer.  Me, I'm fighting menopause.  There really is no comparison.

So, while I didn't feel much better at work, I got home and went to training, then went back home and treated a client - and my spirits lifted. 

I am thankful for my family who are supporting me while I we deal with this whole menopause thing.

I am thankful for the home we live in, the roof over our head, the clothes we wear, the water we wash with and the food we eat.

I am thankful for the opportunity to live in this wonderful country.

I am thankful for the support of my friends - who are there for me, to hold my hand, lend an ear and let me know that, no matter what happens, I am not alone.

Thank you Kate for Thankful Thursday - for the prompt to sit down and realise all the wonderful things that I have to be thankful for.

Have the best Friday ever !

TFTD : We possess far more potential than we realise.  And once this potential is unleashed, we expose our talents to the world, and we're able to make any vision, any dream, a reality.

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Welcome To My Pity Party

Welcome to my pity party - please feel free to leave at any time !!!!  I do try to post entries that are up beat but tonight I feel like I need to keep a record of where I am at now so that I can look back and realise just how far I have come - because I know I will get out of this funk.  I know that I will get back to being who I know I am - and it isn't the anxiety ridden, over whelmed, irritable, sooki lala witch that I seem to be more often than not lately. 

I don't want to be blaming menopause for everything but right now it is all that I can put this down to.  A suggested I embrace menopause instead of fighting it - he nearly got a black eye for that comment !!!  Who the hell would want to embrace the symptoms I described here (and these aren't even all the symptoms !!!) ?  But I have since calmed down a little and realised that maybe he is onto something there.  Maybe if I embrace it and welcome the changes, they will hurry up and leave (I can always hope can't I ?).

The reason for wanting to document this is because after K was born I suffered with PND.  It was ugly.  It was 20 years ago and nobody talked about it.  Nobody mentioned the "D" word.  I was embarrassed because I was supposed to be the super wife, super mom, super worker, super daughter and I was in the psychiatric ward of a hospital on a daily drip talking to a psychiatrist.  The sad (or maybe not so sad bit) is that I can't really remember what it was like.  I remember lying in bed with I don't know how many other people in the ward, thinking that they were looney's and why was I here ?  I remember A and my folks bringing K in to see me and us being allowed to sit in an empty private ward so I could play with her.  I remember how, every morning, they would soak my hand in a tub of hot water before putting the drip in and how cold the drip was.  If I remember correctly, they did this for a couple of hours every morning.  I can't remember how long I stayed in hospital.  I don't know how long I was off work for because I went back to work when K was 4 weeks old and I know that it was some time after that before the depression hit got the better of me.  I do remember A telling work that I was in hospital for testing for hayfever - heaven forbid we should mention that bloody "D" word to anyone.  I am positive that everyone at work knew.  We just didn't want to admit it to ourselves because we were supposed to be the perfect little family.  I wish I could remember more about it so I would know if that was where I am heading now or whether it is not as bad as that.

I know that right now work is over whelming.  I have 6 companies that I am trying to close for year end.  Tomorrow is 19 days into the new financial year and I still don't have the budgets for all the  companies finalised.  I know that on 8th August, I will leave work in time to get to the hair dresser at 6pm and I will not go back until 27th August which effectively means that I have to get July month end finished in record time - a doable task in a normal month but made so much more difficult because I haven't got the budgets / month end spreadsheets set up yet due to above delay !!!

I know that right now I miss A not being here but, the poor bugger, when he is here, his snoring drives me INSANE - so much so I have taken to sleeping on the couch if he is at home (which I don't mind too much because it is very comfy but I HATE sleeping alone and would prefer to go to sleep and wake up next to him instead of by myself on the couch).
I know that right now I spend more time feeling like I am going to burst into tears than I'd like.  I am not normally an emotional person.  I don't like to feel that I am going to lose it at any moment during the day - but I do.  Luckily I have managed to keep it together and not fall apart at work.

I know that right now I spend lots of time feeling anxious - again, this is not a feeling that I am used to.  While I have spent many years faking a self confidence or bravado that I don't feel, lately I have had feelings of anxiety about unknown issues because I can't put my finger on what it is that is making me anxious.   Except today.  Today it was having to do a huge reconciliation for the bank because the lady who normally does it was off sick.  The stuipd thing was that, while I have only done it once before in December last year, I knew that if I just took it logicallly, I would get it done.  And I did - but I spent most of the time having blood heart palpitations as well !!!!!  I was also anxious about the management meeting which we had after I had finished the reconciliation - I have to do the minutes and I hate doing them.  Nobody sticks to the agenda - they jump around the damn thing which makes it difficult to follow and keep track of what we have discussed and what we haven't - in the end I reckon we did about 30% and then it was time for one manager to go to a medical appointment and the director to leave to get her children from school, so off they went and I went back to trying to keep the other ladies job ticking over while she is off sick and getting further behind in the work that I need to do.

I know that right now I battle to concentrate for any period of time on a particular task.  My mind wanders and I lose focus.  Right now, I cannot read a book if my life depended on it.  I used to read 6-8 books a fort-night - now I am lucky if I can read 1 book in a month.  I cannot follow the story, I forget who the characters are, I can't remember the plot - it's awful !

I know that right now, when A is at home, he and K can drive me nuts with the bickering that they get into with each other.  Why can't they just both be nice to each other ??????  The worst is that it upsets me and I take it to heart and, when I do come through to the loungeroom after banishing myself to the bedroom to get away from their squabbling, they are over it and chatting or watching TV together and I am the one stewing on it !!!!

I know that right now I am not happy with the food I am eating or the exercise I am not doing.  On the exercise front I am waiting for my orthotics because, all of a sudden, I am of the opinion that if I run without them I am going to damage my knees to the point where I can't run anymore or am I just being lazy ???????  To be honest, I'm not sure.  My head definitely isn't in the right space to worry about what I am eating - I really just want to feed my face with comfort food - probably not the best thing I can do for myself because when I eat chocolates, biscuits, crisps etc - I feel cr*p but they are the easy options and that is sad.  I have come so far with my weight and now it seems to be getting away from me.  I have to make a decision soon - if I don't do anything about my weight, I will not be able to fit into my jeans as well as thermals in NZ - and I will be FREEZING !!!!!

I know that right now I am on anti-depressants which the doctor advised will help with balancing my hormones - maybe she sees more of where I am at than I do but she didn't want to say I was depressed.  I don't know.  I do know that I can't wait for them to kick in and then maybe I can get my act together and move forward in a positive way rather than this moping around which is all I seem to be capable of right now.

TFTD : The best achievement in life is doing something you think you can't do.

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Introduction to Roller Derby

Last night I met some lovely ladies - C from musingnmayhem and A from Accidental Wonderland and Chaos (I'm sorry I don't have her blog address) at roller derby on the Gold Coast.  It was quite strange how it all came together - suffice to say that, while I don't do 'new' people well, I put my big girl panties on and went outside my comfort zone - and I am so glad I did !!!!  I had such a great evening !

A was busy working up on the Sunshine Coast and I wasn't sure when, or even if, he would be home last night.  I got down to the Carrarra Stadium and was sitting in the car listening to the Suns game against the Tigers when I got an sms from C saying that they were there and at the media entrance.  While my heart was racing, I knew that I had come this far I needed to actually get out the car, put my best foot forward and go and meet them.  I knew that they were lovely people but that didn't make it any easier - I really battle meeting new people, especially if I am by myself with no support from A.

We went into the stadium and it was so much fun even though I didn't know the first thing about what was happening.  The atmosphere was great.  Then I saw that Ames had posted a photo on twitter of the stadium and tweeted back asking her if she was behind the commentators (although when I had another look I saw that she was taking the photo from in front of the commentators - sorry Ames !) - we found each other and waved and a short while later she and her family came over and sat with me which was very nice as she explained the basics to me.  C & C came over and chatted for a while and then before the next bout we all went and sat on the floor up close and personal to the action !


I really enjoyed the evening and am so glad that I went - thank you for allowing me to spend the evening with you and for patiently explaining the rules and tactics to me.  It was a fantastic evening.

So, linking in with Dorothy from Singular Insanity with Things I Know - I know that there are many lovely people that I have met through blogging / twitter / FB and I know that, when I need to do things that I think I am not capable of doing, I am wrong - I can do them !!!
We are off for an afternoon of barefoot bowls - enjoy the rest of your weekend and have the best week ever !

TFTD : Your life isn't behind you, your memories are behind you.  Your life is ALWAYS ahead of you.  Today is a new day - sieze it !

Friday, 13 July 2012

A Quick Recap

Where to start - it has been too long since my last post but it hasn't been for want of trying or wanting to post - I just haven't managed to get my act together and get it done.

This evening I have spent the last couple of hours catching up on blog posts and twitter and a quick squiz on FB and feel that, while I haven't read every post on blogs I follow, I am generally all caught after utilising my super power of speed reading !!!!

Since my last post re my menopausal musings, I have had one day (Wednesday) off sick with a headache that saw me stay in bed all day and sleep about 22 hrs of the 24 hrs on that given day !!  Whether it was menopausal related or not I don't know, I just know that I don't like it when it happens. I used to suffer really badly with similar headaches when I was on the pill but it has been a while since I have felt so debilitated with it.

I have also been to see the dr (Thursday) who sent me for a blood test and put me on some anti-depressant tablets which have been successful in hormone balancing tests.  Honestly, I don't care what they are called, I just want them to work.  Unfortunately, they take 2-4 weeks before you see any results so, keep hiding family, probably better for all of us !!!

On Monday night I went for a run - my first since the race.  It was a reasonable run - I was glad I didn't go further than the 5.38km that I did do.  I don't know if it is just psychology, but I kept worrying about my knees giving in and getting damaged.  So, I have taken the lazy option and decided that I won't run until I get the orthotics which should arrive next week.

On Saturday night A and I went to see Ted while waited for K's plane from Melbourne to arrive.  A very stupid but at times very funny movie.  A didn't like the drug scenes in it and felt that the story wouldn't have been very different if they had of left those scenes out.  I said I wasn't sure that it would influence someone to take drugs just because they had seen a cartoon character doing drugs with Mark Warlberg !!

This is what I am talking about - have just realised that I can't even post a blog in sequential days of the week order !!!!  Sorry - blaming my mushy brain for this !

This afternoon I was going downstairs to the loo and decided that it would be quicker if I didn't actually walk down the last three stairs but rather slide down them, try to right myself before I went through the glass door at the bottom of the stairs and then use my head and my shoulder to stop myself up against the wall to the warehouse - really just try to add some fun to a Friday afternoon at the office (Don't you all do that or is it just me who tries to make it exciting at work ????).  Consequently, my knee and shoulder are aching and I have a nice headache with a red sort of burn mark on my forehead.  My knee is also swollen with a carpet burn on it - soooooooooooooooo I am now sitting here with my feet up and an ice pack on it.  Will this hinder my running when I get my orthotics - IT BETTER BLOODY NOT !!!!!!

A is working away from home.  I was supposed to drive up and meet him in Noosa after work tonight and then go through to Eumundi markets tomorrow but given the cr*ppy weather I have decided to stay at home and maybe go into the office tomorrow to try to get on top of things before the start of next week.  It is less than 4 weeks until we leave for NZ and I have so much I want to get done before I leave.  Then, Carmen from musingnmayhem is coming down to a roller derby (I hope I have called it the right thing !!!) and we are hoping to meet - if I don't get too self conscious and shy and not manage to get there !!!!

On Sunday we have a barefoot bowls afternoon with A's work (Don't understand why they would organise a family day once they have decided to close the division down - rather give him the money thank you very much !!!) - hopefully my knee will be fine by then otherwise I think I will have to take a book with me.  I don't find bowls that much fun to play and I think watching it is about as exciting as watching paint dry !!!!

I am linking in with bbeingcool for her last Team Friday linky.  B, I am very sorry that you won't be hosting this linky anymore but I will still be around reading !!!  Looking forward to linking up with Stacey-Lee from next week.

So, from a rather befuddled brain - wishing you the best weekend ever !  For those on the Gold Coast, stay as dry as you can and maybe we should all buys shares in whichever company sells wellingtons - if this rain doesn't stop soon I am going to have to seriously think about moving !!!!!

TFTD : You are a beautiful creation - perfectly imperfect - a work in progress.  You have everything you need to fulfil your purpose.  Don't dilute yourself for any person or any reason.  You are enough.  Be unapologetically you !

Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Menopausal Musings

I have come to the conclusion that I have hit menopause - BUGGER !!!  It really isn't fun and, to be honest, I thought that I was too young for it anyway !  Clearly I was mistaken on that count.  So, during my investigations of exactly what I can expect to happen over the next however long it takes to get over it, this is what I have found out with regards to the symptoms :

There are 34 of them on this website !!!  I suppose I should be grateful that I have not been afflicted with all 34 !!!

- hot flushes - oh this is a goodie.  I can sit here with everyone else rugged up and before you know it I am stripping off and sitting in my undies (sorry TMI !) - luckily we haven't had anyone around visiting when this has happened.

 - night sweats - similar to above except my jarmies get soaking wet and I have to change our linen at least every two days.  So what happens when I am in bed is that I snuggle under the doona until the sweats strike when I throw the doona off for 5 mins to cool down, pull the doona up and then at least another 3-4 times during the night I repeat.

I have been taking wild yam to counteract these two symptoms and it does seem to be working - the down side is that they taste like cr*p so even when you find a solution for the symptom, the solution is a bit cr*p anyway !!!

- mood swings - what more can I say ?  Sometimes my family run for cover when I arrive home because they aren't quite sure what to expect - hell I don't even know what to expect from myself from one minute to the next !

- fatigue - given how badly I have been sleeping, whether because of A's snoring or the bloody menopause, I don't know - what I do know is that I am always tired, even when I wake up, I'm tired.

- hair loss - on this one I seem to have gone the opposite way.  I have always had really thick hair - the amount of new hair that is growing is amazing - and painful - because I have all these new hairs sticking up in places where my hair shouldn't be sticking up !!!

- sleep disorders - like I wasn't doing a good enough job of having cr*ppy sleep every night all by myself - this just makes it 1,000 times worse !!

- difficulty concentrating - this I have really noticed at work.  I cannot seem to stay focussed on the task at hand for very long at all.  My mind is all over the place and my work is definitely suffering.  Things that I could knock over in an hour are taking me nearly a whole morning - it is driving me nuts given that it is year end and I have 6 companies I am supposed to be winding up for the year !!!  I cannot even read for any length of time.  I used to read 4-5 library books a fort-night - now I it takes me close to a month to finish a book.

- incontinence - well I don't really suffer from this but only because I have been really good for the past couple of months doing my pelvic floor exercises - I used to think they were a waste of time but I did them just in case they did actually work - I am sooooooooooooo glad I did because they do work !!!!

- irritability - see mood swings above !!!  I don't understand how things that never used to worry / annoy me can send me over the edge now ?????  Note to self - I wonder if this is why A has to work away from home so much - anything to get away from the dragon witch I am sure he thinks he is married to ?????

- headaches - definitely had more achey feeling in my head the last couple of months - not headaches per se, just not feeling right.

- joint pain - I thought this was just the arthritis in my knees and elbows but maybe it isn't just that - maybe it is the menopause on top of the arthritis / old age - yay double whammy !!!!

- muscle tension - again, I thought it was just stress and because especially my neck and back are always tight - this obviously doesn't help in any way, shape or form.

- weight gain - my weight is going up but my measurements seem to be staying pretty static so not sure what the go is with that.

- itchy skin - at night my arms can drive me nuts with how much they itch.  I have tried different tops, I have tried different sheets, I have tried using moisturiser on them, I have tried not using moisturiser on them - nothing seems to help - they itch like I have been touching poison ivy - another yay !!!!

When I look at the list above, I realise that maybe I am not that badly done by given there are 34 possible symptoms that I could be suffering from.  I think it is time I took myself back to the naturopath to see what she can recommend to try to make me a little more bearable to live with !!!

Have you suffered with this ?  Can you make any recommendations about what I could try to do to alleviate some / all / any of the above ? 

Linking in with Dorothy at Singular Insanity for Things I Know this week !

TFTD : Your past circumstances and background may have influenced who you are today, but only YOU are responsible for who you become tomorrow.

Sunday, 1 July 2012

My Run !

Today I am linking in with Dorothy from Singular Insanity for Things I Know - about things I now know that I didn't know yesterday morning !  (And I am going to cheat and link this in with Team Friday at bbeingcool because I cannot get a post written that is going to be worth reading)

Anyone who has been reading this blog will know that I have been training for the C 10km race for the past couple of months.  (After talking to my Dad I learned that he used to train for 2 months for an 89km race - I trained for 2 months for a 10km race - maybe the difference in our ages when we ran said races had something to do with it !!!!  Or maybe our level of fitness before we started training - I don't know !!!)  Anyway, a back injury last week played havoc with my head as I had planned another 25-30km of training which I didn't get done and eventually I had to accept that the training I had done would have to be enough.  Everyone said that it was enough.  My brain said maybe not !!!

The weather on the Gold Coast last week left a lot to be desired - rain poured down for hours at a time, the wind blew at a million miles an hour and the cold that was felt in our home chilled me to the bone.  If this was the weather that I was going to have to run in, I wasn't sure that I was even going to bother.  So, on top of the weather issue, was the early morning issue.  I don't do early mornings.  And I definitely don't do early morning runs.  I knew this when I entered but I thought it would be OK.  It wasn't that OK - I hated going to sleep at 11pm knowing that I would be up in 4.5hrs time.  Then waking up and wondering, even though I had set two alarms, if they would work.  It messed with my mind big time !!!!

On Friday afternoon I had popped into the Salvos store to buy a throw away jumper for the morning - picked one up for $4 which I was very happy with.  Got home and we went to Charlie's to carbo load - not sure that it was totally necessary, or even whether it makes a difference or not - but we did.  And I finished my meal with a chocolate pizza - so good !!!!

At 4.30am when the alarms both went off I lay there and wondered what on earth I was thinking about ?  Who was I kidding ?  I am not a runner - why did I think I could run 10km.  I wondered whether I should just curl up under the doona and just sleep the day away ?  No such luck - Al got me up and I got dresssed, had my protein bar and half a glass of OJ to take my tablets and we set off at about 5.15am.  Got there waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to early but it did mean we got a good parking !!  Walked through and found where the start was and then did some stretching and went and waited in the starting area.  A stayed with me until about 3 mins before the start of the race so I gave him my throw away jacket with the thought that I would be able to use it for the next time I ran (holy cr*p - at that point I was already thinking about the next race I was going to run !!!!).  The starter gun went off and we started shuffling forward.  I got near the start line only to find that I couldn't switch Runkeeper on on my phone so had to step aside to sort that out.  No panic - yet !

We headed south over Sunningdale Bridge - not a lot of running happening as we were still quite close together.  A fair bit of pushing and shoving which annoyed the cr*p out of me - we are all here to run the race people - just hold on for everyone ahead of you to move !!!!   I did manage to go the whole race without getting tripped up or tripping anyone up so I thought that was a good win !

One guy pushed past me and at that point I had had enough of the pushing and shoving and so said "Really" quite loudly - he turned and I just held my hands up as if to say "What - you think it is OK to push people out the way" and off he went.  We turned at the end of the bridge and headed north.  The leaders had passed me when I was less than 1km from the start !!!  I went up and over the little hillock in front of CQU (where I used to work) and then saw A just in front of the chemist opposite the swimming pool.  I struggled a little from 3-4km and then before I knew it I saw my first sign - 8km - holy moley - how did I get to 8km without seeing a sign !!!!!!  I could feel my legs were tiring but I knew that I had less than 2kms to go to the end and I seemed to get some strength from somewhere and keep going.  I had said to myself that I would like to run the whole 10km without walking BUT if I had to walk I would.

I didn't - I ran the whole 10kms in a PB time of 1:03:21 (was aiming for 1:10-1:20) - and, I never thought I would say this, but I really enjoyed the run.  I don't know if it was because it seemed to go so fast, whether it was because I just got into the zone and ran, whether it was because my legs felt good for most of the race - I don't know what it was but I wish I could bottle it up to use for future races.  Yes, there are going to be future races - and, despite me saying I would never do a half marathon, I think that might be the next goal AFTER I have been to someone to get my knees checked out (as requested by A who is worried I may be doing more damage than can be fixed if I carry on running without getting them looked at).  My right knee twinged at about 7km and I told it to suck it up and hang on until I had finished before it decided to do anything horrible on me - and it did (Thank you right knee !!).  Both knees were sore once I had stopped running but after icing them yesterday afternoon they pulled up fine today.  I have also got a big blister near the ball of my right foot - very strange as I have never got a blister there before on any of my training runs. 

If only I had the confidence in myself that everyone else seems to have in me I would save myself a lot of angst !!!!  I hope I haven't put the hoodoo on myself with this first run being so good and that runs will only go downhill from here !!!  Maybe because I didn't over think it, it wasn't as bad as it could have been.  Hopefully I will be able to under think all future races.

To my family who have been amazing in helping me train - either by riding with me or not nagging for meals when I have been out training and couldn't be arsed bothered to cook dinner or entering the MDC to keep me company and then running ahead because I told her to or just telling me that of course I am going to finish it even if I have to walk, to my virtual cheering squad who cheered me on during my training runs when I felt like I had no more to give and who were there with me yesterday cheering me on finish and to finish strongly, A HUGE BIG THANK YOU because, for sure, without your support and encouragement, I don't think I could have accomplished what I did.  So, while it may have been me out there running, it wasn't without help from all of you !

My legs were a little tired last night and a little tight this morning.  But they felt good - they feel good provided I don't sit for too long in one position !!!!!  I am thinking of having a rest week this week - except for the normal 2 x PT sessions - but no running - and then starting again next week.  I think I am going to enter the 5km Bridge to Brisbane - we get back from NZ the week before the race so if I can get enough kms done before we leave, I will be happy to enter that race.  The following week we have The Stampede so I will have to look for which races there are after that is over provided my knees are OK !!!!

Have the best week ever - for anyone involved in financial year end - good luck !!!!

TFTD : Without pain there would be no change.  But pain, just like everything in life, is meant to be learned from and then released.
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