Friday, 28 June 2013

Things I Know

YAY - today is Friday (just in case you weren't sure !!!) which means it is (a) time to link up with the easiest linky of the week with Miss Cinders because, as you all know, we all know sh*t and (b) this afternoon I am off to Townsville to spend the weekend with A.  Unfortunately, things are not going to well with the sites they are building and so he may land up having to spend more time working than he planned but at least I will get to spend some time with him.

I will try to get around to reading as many of the posts linked up before I go but if you don't see a comment from me, never feat, I will catch up next week.

In totally randomness, this is what I know :

- I know that I received a LOVELY surprise when I got home from work this aftenoon.  There was a package in the post box for me.  I opened it and it was a set of soy melts - sweet pea and vanilla.  It was from Ann at Help!! I'm Stuck!!.  What absolutely blew me away was the fact that it was only earlier on this week that I took two of my burners out and put them in the lounge and have been burning melts in the evenings while I have been sitting here watching TV and crocheting.  And, it was only the other night that I looked and thought to myself that I am going to have to go and buy some more melts because these two are nearly finished !  So, not only was it exactly what I needed, but, vanilla is my most favourite fragrance.  Who says that the universe (a) does not provide and (b) work in mysterious ways ???????

- I know that I am embarrassed to be Australian when I see how the politicians have been behaving and treating each other recently.  While they may not like each other or agree with their ideal's or policies, common courtesy and respect cost exactly the same as bad manners and disrespect - absolutely NOTHING - so why choose to have bad manners and be disrespectful of your fellow human beings ?  I just don't get it.  I know that it's not only politicians who treat others like this - a lot of every day Joe Smiths do as well (it's just that the politicans are more in the spot light and likely to be seen to be doing (what I call) the 'wrong' thing i.t.o. how they treat others.  It's the same with telling lies and breaking promises - I don't get why people do this.

- I know that I started a spreadsheet for keeping track of the squats that I was doing every day.  It started on Day 1 with 60 and increased by 10 every day until Day 30 when I would be doing 350 squats - a total of 6,150 squats in 30 days.  Sadly, I managed Day 1 and Day 2 - the grand total of 130, which is 130 more than I would have done, but sadly I stopped after Day 2 because my legs were so sore and I was battling to walk up and down the stairs at work.  Rhianna from A Parenting Life has sent me the spreadshee that she is using so as soon as I have a chance to look at it I will see if maybe it is a more realistic program and change over, starting next week after I get home from Townsville.

- I know that I (try to) send out a Thought For The Day most week days.  If you would like to be included in this list, let me have your e-mail address and I will include you.  I hide all addresses when I send this out so your address isn't seen by any friends you haven't met yet a.k.a. strangers.  I also do not sell your e-mail information to any marketing companies !!!

- I know (or at least I am almost 100% sure) that the doctor misdiagnosed me as having depression when she prescibed the anti-depressants.  I was suffering from anxiety - not depression.  So when I went back and said I was still suffering and she doubled the dose - it still didn't help - because these particular anti-depressants were never going to help with anxiety attacks.  It has taken me a very long time to come off them but I have been off them for about 2 weeks now and I feel f.a.n.t.a.s.t.i.c. - I can't remember how long it has been since I have felt this good.  Clearly, they were not helping me but rather making me feel worse.  I feel so much happier now that I am off them completely.  Now I am to work on what I can do about my weight because, although my outlook on life is happy, I am still really struggling to look at my body and love it.  I know that it looks like it does because of the medication but that really doesn't make it any easier to love it.  If only it wasn't this hard to do.

- I know that K and I went to see Slava's Snow Show last night and really enjoyed it.  We left home just after 5pm because we were expecting to hit traffic due to Origin being played at the same time - there was heaps of traffic up to Springwood and, at times it was a total car park, even though there was no accident or reason for it, go figure, and got up to Brisbane in time to have a bite to eat before taking our place on the balcony at the Lyric Theatre.  We both laughed heaps - it was great.  Our only regret was not getting tickets down on the ground floor as there was heaps of interaction with the audience who were down there.  But it was still very entertaining.  If you get a chance to go and see it I would strongly suggest you go.

- I know that I had asked A and K not to tell me the score of Origin if they knew what it was because I wanted to get home and watch it without knowing the end result.  But, when we got into the car, K said she had looked up the score and did I want to know - I uuhmed and aaahed for a while and then, very tentatively said, yes OK.  And she looked at me with a deadpan face and said 14-0.  Well my heart sank - I knew that this was a do or die game from Queensland and I didn't want it to be a die game.  Then she broke into the biggest grin and said "To us" !! Little bugger !!!!!  Anyway, the second half had just started and so we landed up listening to it the whole way home - screaming and shouting when things got close or when it sounded like the ref had got it wrong - as you do !!!!  She was not going to stay at home but go straight to the house where she is house sitting - but we got home and she walked into the loungeroom, let Alfie and Rosie in and turned to me and said "Do you mind if I stay tonight ?"  Of course I didn't mind so we both put our PJ"s on and settled down on the couch to watch Origin, which, by that time, we knew we had won.  I'm not so sure I would have sat down to watch it if we had lost !!!!!!

- I know that planning a holiday when you don't live together is a little difficult - no matter how many phone calls you make, there is always something you forget to check and have to make another phone call to confirm !!  But the up side now is that I have booked our flights, car hire and insurance - so just let anyone try to stop us from going !!!  We are going to Tasmania from 12th - 28th August.  Now I need to get working on finding us some accommodation ! (And, if there is anyone out there who has some suggestions to make - please feel free to let me know if there are things you would recommend we do / see / go to or places we should (or shouldn't) stay.)  Very loosely - we land in Launceston - spend the night there - drive through to Cradle Mountain for a night - through to Strahan for two nights with a cruise on the Gordon River - then down to Hobart for 4-6 nights - going to Salamanca Markets, Port Arthur, Bruny Island, then up to Freycinet for a night and up the east coast for a night - back to Launceston - then down through the middle of Tasmania to Bothwell before going back up to Launceston and home.

Thank you again to Miss Cinders for a great linky for a Friday (actually it's a great linky for any day of the week but Friday is an especially good day because that means it is nearly time for the weekend !!!)

What do you know today ?
If you know something, have you linked up ?
If you haven't, how come ?
It isn't too late to link in you know.

TFTD : As long as you're breathing it's never too late to do something meaningful. (Ain't that the truth ?)

Thursday, 27 June 2013

Thankful Thursday

It's Thursday which means it is time to link up with Francesca from Francesca Writes Here for Thankful Thursday - the day that we get to sit back and reflect on what we have to be thankful for because, let's face it, we all have stuff to be thankful for - sometimes we just forget what they are until we sit down and think about them.

In no particular order (or random as some would call it !!) :

- I am thankful for having only one more sleep until I see A again - although it has only been two weeks it seems to have been a long two weeks.

- I am thankful for the time I have got to spend by myself and enjoy my own company, doing what I want, when I want.

- I am thankful for the heating that we have because it has been a little chilly lately and just being able to put it on for an hour or two to take the chill off the air has certainly made the house more comfy to be in.  I am sure sometimes that it is colder inside our house than it is outside - probably because it was built to try to keep cool in summer rather than warm in winter.

- I am thankful for my new personal planner that arrived a few weeks ago that I got to start using this week even though it only 'officially' starts on 1 July - I love it !!

What are you thankful for today ?
Why not pop over to Francesca Writes Here and see who else is thankful ?
Even better, why not join in ?
Have the best day ever !
TFTD : Going nowhere faster will not get you somewhere.

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

A Theory

A has a theory that all the good ideas are his and, at that point in time I think that they are cr*p.  Then, after a couple of years, I come around to the idea and then claim it as my own - and he may have a point to a certain extent (and sadly I think that K may have learned this trait from me !)

About 1992-1993, A's oldest brother and sister-in-law were talking about immigrating to Australia and he was keen to do the same.  Me, not so much.  I didn't think that there was any way I could leave my folks behind.  We are very close and used to see each other at least once or twice a week and talked every day.  In 1996, the night that the National Party pulled out of the coalition government (it was a Sunday night and we were watching the news), I turned to A and I said "OK - I'm ready to leave" - he had no idea what I was talking about - it was about 9pm on a Sunday night - where on earth would I be going to ?  I explained that I was ready to move countries becaused I realised that if we stayed in South Africa, we had no future and more importantly, K would have a very dismal future.  So much so that I could see her finishing school and then moving countries - and by then A and I would be too old to get into another country (except maybe NZ because it used to be really really easy to get in there).

A's most favouite animal
This is the first instance of when his idea was a great idea - it just took me a few years to catch up to him.

When we got to Australia we rented a house for 6 months while we found which suburb we wanted to live in and found the house we wanted to buy.  When we found this house it wasn't what we wanted at all - it had one loungeroom and three bedrooms and this stupid little vanity outside the toilet - who does that, and no door to the outside from the kitchen.  No way was I going to buy this house !!!  It wasn't anything like I wanted !!! (or so I thought !).  After a cursory glance through it we left with me passing derogatory comments about the 'stupid bloody estate agent showing us houses that didn't have the things we had specifically asked for'.  Anyway after seeing a few more places, we chatted about this house and realised that we could change the one loungeroom into two and that we could get by with three bedrooms instead of four and really, what did it matter if there was an extra basin and vanity ?  So we came back and had another look and made an offer.  After a bit of bargaining back and forth, we got it for nearly $7k less than we were willing to pay - bargain !!!!!  Needless to say, that extra vanity has been a godsend at times - especially when my folks came to visit and Dad was shaving and K was trying to get ready for school.  K has got very spoiled by having mirrors on three walls and so being able to see all around her hair.  This will be another shock to her system along with remote garage doors (or lack thereof !!!)

I had very clear instructions about the house that we bought - whatever it was and wherever it was - the only time I was moving out was in a coffin (once again, our irreverent approach to death comes to the fore !!!).  I have made the statement many times over the years - firmly believing it each.and.every.single.time because I was not moving - no sir, not for anybody.

We have been very happy here but A has, on more than one occasion, mentioned how much he would like to live on acerage and have horses and a ride on mower.  "Yes dear - whatever makes you happy" was generally my reply (or at the very least words to that effect, knowing full well that, unless he was going to move without me or was planning on offing me in the near future, it was never going to happen) - WRONG !!!

A few weeks ago I went to a bloggers catch up out at Cedar Vale. I loved it (catching up with the other bloggers was so much fun but also the location of where we met) - the open spaces, the trees, the quietness. And my mind started ticking over. But, I had forgotten about his theory of his ideas are cr*p until I have mulled them over for a while and then, once they become my ideas, they are 'brilliant' because, as we all know, our ideas are always the best !!!  After we left there (the bloggers catch up), I got to thinking - the main reason I didn't want to live on acerage was because we packed shelves until 1am, five nights a week, and there was no way I was going to finish at Coles at 1am and then drive another half hour or more to get home.  Now that we no longer pack shelves, that reason for not living on acerage doesn't actully exist anymore.

When A was here last week we took a couple of drives around looking at acerage - man we saw some lovely places - some were 'lovely' prices as well but some were actually quite reasonably priced.  Then he raised the question of asking my folks if they would be interested in moving into a dual living place with us, if we found somewhere.  We stopped off to see them and were telling them about what we had seen and then asked them the question saying "Have a think and a chat about it.  See if you would like us to look at something where you could have your own place close to us and then let us know so we know whether we are looking for something with dual living or just a home for us on a plot bigger than we are currently on."  Well, I don't think A had even finished saying that before Dad said "I haven't spoken to Mom but yes, we would love to come and live with you."

So, once again, his 'cr*p' idea, once it became my idea, suddenly became a 'great' idea - please tell me I'm not the only one who does this.  And, if I am, would someone please tell just a very small porky and say that they do the same so that I don't feel like I'm the only miserable wife who wants all the best ideas to be hers !!!!

And yes, now, while he is working 4 weeks in Townsville and having 1 week of R&R when he isn't supposed to do much at home, we are going to try to fix our house up so that we can sell it and make the most profit possible to put into another property that will fit the three of us and my folks in (with them having their own seperate place on the same property). 

Right now I am thinking that I must have left my mind out on that property in Cedar Vale or have completely lost it somewhere else.  Why on earth did I think, at any point in time, that doing something like this was a great idea ???????????  I should have just kept my big mouth SHUT !!!!  But, as I am sure you are all aware, it's very hard to suck those words back into your mouth once they have been uttered.

Or I can look at it as a total challenge and decide - am I up for it or not ?  Time will tell on this one I think.

Linking in with Jess from EssentiallyJess for #IBOT - have you joined in this week ?

Have the best week !

TFTD : Life is meant to be lived. Take risks. Feel passion. Discover love. Run free.

Monday, 24 June 2013

I Must Confess ........

I know that last week's linky was about embarrassing moments but seeing as I am getting old and not quite up to speed as everyone else, I am going to blog about it this week instead of last week !!! And, because Kirsty isn't too fussed about what our confession is about, I figure it is OK to be a week out of sync with everyone else !

My name is Me and I am over-weight fat. There is no two ways about it. There is really no polite way to put it. I am fat. Bottom line (no pun intended - OK maybe just a little pun intended !) - I am the biggest I have been since I was 38 weeks pregnant over 21 years ago. Last week I put on 4.3kg. Yes, I ate no sugar, no wheat, no dairy and I put on 4.3kgs. Maybe it is all the protein and healthy fruit and veg that I have been eating !!! Seriously, it has to be the medication because what the hell else could it be ???????

But, it is very difficult to walk around with a sign on my forehead saying "I am this big because of the medication I am taking " - isn't it ? And, in actual fact, I'm not even taking the medication anymore although I have been told that it will still take a while for my system to get rid of all the medication and things may be slow after that. Well thank you for that small gem of NOTHING !!

Anyway, my confession is about how I went walking on Saturday and landed up with chaffing on my butt cheeks ! Yes, you read that correctly - my butt is now so big, my cheeks chaff each other while I am walking. As do my tuckshop arms.

This is where I wish I was walking

This is something I didn't know because I have never done any exercise at this weight. You better believe that the last time I weighed this much the last thing on my mind was exercise - all I wanted to do was GET THE BABY OUT !!!! (She - although we didn't know she was a she at the time- was two weeks late) and I didn't walk anywhere - I waddled. I was surprised that nobody called the Whale Protection Services (or whatever they are called) when I was out because I certainly bore a close resemblance to a whale - thank goodness I was never in togs so they didn't have to worry about a beached whale !!

And my poor feet - I don't think they knew what had hit them during the walk. I set off for the PO because I mistakenly thought that if I posted my latest PBSD stuff at the PO and not at a satellite collection box, it would go sooner. Well that was wrong - it only gets collected at 5pm Monday - Friday so it makes no difference. But that is OK - except that from the shopping centre, I decided to turn left instead of right, not really thinking about how far left I would have to go before I got to a road going left that would take me back to the road that I needed to be on to get home. By the time I realised what I had done it was too late to turn back as it would have taken me longer to walk home from there than to carry on the way I was going. So, there I was, pounding the streets, at 10mins p/km (so sad when I think of what I was running previously BUT I am not going to compare - well not a lot anyway !!!) and my poor feet had to put up with the extra 'I don't know how much force because of the extra weight I am carrying' going through them. No wonder they were screaming at me for the last 2kms. I landed up walking 6.22km in 1 hr 1 min. Apart from the above complaints, I felt fantastic when I was finished. Not so much because of how far (or not) or how fast (or not) I had walked - but more because I had actually just got out there and done it, without looking for an excuse about why I couldn't do it. This week I had committed to walking three days - I have done two as I managed to get out for a shorter walk on Sunday.  Clearly Runkeeper does not like to work when my phone is shoved down the waistband of my pants as I had only gone about 600m when it was telling me I had done 1km in about 6 mins - which would have been absolutely fantastic if I hadn't only been walking 1km in 10mins the day before !!!!  I knew it was stuffed so I reset it and then had to carry my phone the rest of the way so that temperamental Runkeeper would work properly !!!!  While it isn't the three that I committed to, it is better than the zero walks which I have been averaging for the past too many months !!!!

I have to carry my phone because the iPhone holder that I have causes too much chaffing under my arm. I am getting to the point where the bigger exercise clothes that I bought a few months ago are getting too small for me. Do I go out and buy some more or do I squish myself as best I can into them for a few more weeks while I wait to see if this weight starts to move ? Am I going to embarrass myself even more if I continue to wear clothes that, while they aren't exactly too small, they are very close to it ? Is someone going to be wearing the Judgey McJudgey hat that I sometimes have on ? Are they going to look at me and say "Goodness - doesn't she have a mirror at home ? Didn't she look at herself before she walked out the door ?" Or is it all in my head and nobody is actually looking at me anyway because, aside from the fact that I am large and out exercising, there really is no reason for anyone to look at me ?

No matter, I have to do this for me. I need to do this for me. I need to be exercising because I feel so much better when I exercise. I need to get out there and get those endorphins flowing again. I need to get out there and improve my time and my fitness levels. I need to get out there so that I can improve my self esteem. I need to get out there so that I can be an example for A and K. And, most importantly, I want to get out there again - I have missed the above feelings from not exercising like I used to. It has been all too easy to slip out of the habit and now I need to work on getting back into the habit.

Rhianna from The Parenting Life tweeted about a squatting challenge which I think I may try. And, if I am going to do that I could just as well start my daily planking session. So, with those two exercises and my walking, it looks like I am on my way to getting my fitness levels back to where they were (hopefully without too much pressure from me about 'the good ole days when I used to be able to do xyz' !!!!)  Having decided to do the above, I started with 3 x 20 squats when I got back from my walk and 1:49:3 of planking on my knees.  Tomorrow the plan is to do 80 squats and somehow build up to 300 squats by day 30 so am going to have to do a little spreadsheet (yes, why thank you, I am the queen of spreadsheets) tomorrow so that I can work out how many I have to increase it by each day in order to get to the 300 in 30 days !!!!

What are you confessing to today ?  Why not join in with Kirsty at My Home Truths ?

Have the best week !

TFTD : Sometimes what you want isn't what you get, but what you get in the end is so much better than what you wanted.

Friday, 21 June 2013

Things I Know

YAY - Friday is finally here so it must be time for Things I Know with Miss Cinders 'cos, as she will remind us, we all know sh*t.

In no particular order, because I do random so well :

- I know that I love being happy.

- I know that it is sooooooooooooooo much better than being sad and moody and all those other horrible things I have been feeling for the past I don't know how long.

- I know that A will be sorry that he isn't here to share in the happiness given he put up with my sh*t for so long (but hey, it happens like that sometimes !!)

- I know that running out of coconut rough IS NOT COOL and I need to make some more pronto !!!!!!

- I know that trying to crochet blankets while crying is not the best idea I have ever come up with.

- I know that I will cry during a show even when I know what is going to happen / who is going to win.

- I know that I loved the voices of Harrison, Luke and Celia and I have no idea how Danny got to the finals.

- I know that when I told K that Mom's know everything there would be times when she would call me on it. 

- I know that when she called me on it and I got the order of the top 4 finalists of The Voice (as well as something else very similar which I just can't remember right now), I went up in her estimation of my right to call myself Mom.

- I know that she is in for a rude awakening when she finally moves out of home (and that day will come because she sure as hell isn't going to be staying at home for too many more years - I'd like to say months but I think realistically it is going to be at least another year before she moves out !!)

- I know that she has the ability to make me laugh to the bottom of my belly.

- I know that K and I are off to see Slava's Snow Show on Wednesday night - at the expense of missing Origin 2 (which we are going to tape and watch when we get home).  I am looking forward to a fun evening even though I am a little bit nervous about why I shouldn't leave my seat during interval !!!!

- I know that thinking of the times when A has really really really annoyed me is a great way to get through periods when I am really really really missing him (yes, it sounds strange and yes it probably is but hey, don't change something that works !!!)

- I know that I am loving having my own laptop to work on every night (thank you A for getting the old one working for me when you were home)

- I know that I am looking forward to my hot stone and kahuna massage on Saturday and then meeting Judy.

- I know that it is Kylie from A Study In Contradictions' birthday today so why not pop over and wish her happy birthday ?

- I know that I can't wait to have some quiet time to read on Sunday - I have a heap of books that I need to read so I can return them to the library (the upside of reading paper books instead of e-books - they can't take them away until I drop them off at the library !!)

- I know that I shouldn't feel guilty because I don't have little children running around in my life and because I have so much time to myself - but I still do - a little bit - but I am working on it.  I've had my time with little babies and now it is time for myself  (having said that I sure am spending heaps of time with my little baby anyway - it's just a lot less tiring than when she was younger !!!)

- I know that it is time for me to go to bed and read for a while.

- I know that I may be just a little tempted to let the dogs sleep inside tonight so that I am not in the house all by myself.  Yes, I am a big wuss.  Some nights it is really hard for me to sleep in the bed by myself never mind the house by myself !!!!!

What do you know today ?  Why not join in at Miss Cinders ?

TFTD : Always look at the positives and don't dwell on the negatives. If you keep your head down, you'll miss life's goodness.

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Thankful Thursday

Today is Thursday which means it is the Thankful Thursday linky with Francesca at Francesca Writes Here - why not pop over and see who else is thankful for stuff or join in and let us all know what you are thankful for.

Recently I have been reading / hearing many stories (and I use this word rather wearily (is this even a word ?) because I don't believe they are stories (which in my mind is a fictional tale of something) - I believe these accounts (is that a better word ?) to be true) about the tragic lives that people have lived.  Stories of abuse of children. And adults.  Horrific stories about tragedy - tragedy of children who didn't have a childhood.  Abuse by people who should have known better.  And, it got me thinking.  It made me realise (a) what a great life I have had and (b) just how naive I can be because I, never in a million years, could have imagined what some people have lived through, never mind how I would have coped had I been in the same situation.

I grew up in a middle class family in a middle class neighbourhood.  I lived in one house from when I was born until I got married at the ripe old age of 22.  I then lived in that house for 12-13 years until we sold up and moved to Australia.  We rented for 6 months until we bought the house that we currently live in.  When we bought it in September 2000, I said to A that this was it - we had moved half way around the world into a rental and now we had a house and the next move I would make would be in a coffin to my cremation.  (Yes, we joke about death - often - even with my folks who are 76yo !).  (There is another post about the next step we are about to take with regards to our house.)

When we were kids, we didn't have a lot but we certainly didn't need anything.  My Mom worked at a uni 9.30-1.30 so was there when we left for school and was there when we got home from school.  We walked to our friends in the afternoon and played and then walked home at 5pm in time to bath and have dinner and go to bed.

My Dad worked reasonably long hours at his job and did a lot of long distance running and playing tennis but he was always there when we needed him.

I can count on less than one hand (is that a saying or am I just making it up ?) the number of times that my Dad raised my voice to my Mom.  He certainly never raised his hand to her.  I think there was maybe a handful of times that I can remember him being miffed with my Mom about something but not nearly as many times as my Mom was miffed with him (and I would go so far as to say it wasn't always his fault that she was miffed with him - she would get a bee in her bonnet about something and he would be the one to cop it).  But, apart from when she screamed at us kids, I never heard her raise her voice to my Dad.

My parents have been married for 53 years this year and I couldn't be more proud of them. 

When I met A, we knew within a couple of weeks that we would be together - so much so A went and bought bridal champagne glasses (without telling me), wrote the date on the box and put them away until we got engaged !  We have had a great life together - yes there have been difficult times, yes there have been times when I have wanted to throttle him, yes there have been times when we wondered where the next $ was going to come from but we have got through it all.  There was a time when I threatened to leave him because of extended family issues but we worked through it.  There were times of complete joy and happiness - bringing K home and settling down as a family was one of the greatess moments of my life.

Every day I count my blessings when I think of others who have dealt with situations that have been so different and so much more difficult.  My Dad often says (about himself) "I have had such a great life. I'm a lucky fella."  I'm not saying that my life has been easy sailing the whole way, but I certainly haven't had to deal with cr*p the way some people have had to.  I admire those people - who are still standing strong at the end of it all - I think that if it had of been me, I would have just curled up in a ball and let life pass me by.

Today I am thankful for the fantastic life I have lived - for the great support system that I have - for the wonderful experiences that I have lived through - and for the small (by comparison to others) adversities I have faced which were never too big for me to handle and maybe that is because I truly believe we are never dealt a hand that we cannot deal with.

I am also thankful to Pip from Bub Sweat and Tears who told me about morgueFile free photos that I can use without fear of infringing any copyright issues !!  I love using photos and colour in my posts but can't be fussed with downloading them from my camera (plus there is no way I can take photos like these ones !!!)

What are you thankful for today ?
TFTD : Focus on the small things you can do, not the big things you can't. Small steps turn into miles in the long run.
(Ain't that the truth ?)

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Want A Laugh ?

OK - don't fall over everyone - I know that it is Wednesday and I don't normally post on a Wednesday but there was no way I couldn't post this.

It's no secret that life is looking up for me right now.  Even though A is away, I am coping, and coping well.  In years gone by, when A has been away, I have not been happy.  It's not that I am happy that he is away, because I'm not, but I am happy that I have not let him being away get me down. (Have I confused you yet ?)

Before, i.e. in past years, I would have really shrunk into myself, probably curled up into a ball on the couch and waited for A to come home.  I didn't have the courage to do more than go to the local shopping centre to get the groceries, the library and come home again.  I certainly wouldn't have gone out to meet people I had only met online.  This has changed.  Partly because K has given me the courage to do this but also because, as I have gotten older, I have worked really hard on worrying about the things I can change and leaving alone the things I can't.  Sometimes I get it right - sometimes I don't - but I'm working on it none the less.

So - I got a little off track here (what's new I hear you say !!).  Anyway, I landed up staying a bit late at work tonight because I had a hair appointment at 6pm and there wasn't much point in going home only to have to turn around not long after getting home to leave for the hairdresser.  I stopped in at Target to get some more knickers (as you do) and then was sitting at the cafe outside, pretty much wasting time until 6pm. 

I tweeted -

kal20m : Hanging around waiting for 6pm hair appointment - what colour to choose ??? Red, caramel, blue ? (K's choice is blue !!)
thebumpiestpath : polkadots :)
kal20m : I will ask and see what she could do
thebumpiestpath : double dare

I had been sitting at the hairdresser for a while - she chats a lot and it takes her a while to get started - and my phone beeped.  Normally I wouldn't check it but as she was then looking up some charts - I checked it - this is what I found :

thebumpiestpath : Check out she has a new look!
thebumpiestpath has given me my own cover page on Celebrity magazine !!!!!

Well, I absolutely cracked up - my hairdresser nearly wet her pants she laughed so much - 5 hours later it is still making me smile !!!!  K laughed heaps when I showed her this when she got home from SES.

Thank you Jules - you made my night !!!!!  (Also made the choice of not going blonde easier - I'm thinking that it doesn't really suit my skin tone - LOL !!!)

I don't want to turn into one of those really happy people that can be so annoying - because they do annoy me sometimes when I come across them - people who I think - gosh, is there nothing wrong in your life, but, having said that, life is really good for me right now.   Yes, A is away, but it is teaching me to be more independent.  Do I miss him ? Absolutely - but I don't feel quite so much like I am missing an arm or a leg, like I used to when he was away.  Does it mean I wish he didn't work away from home ?   Absolutely - I can't wait for the work he is doing to be closer to home.  I believe that when the work up Northern Queensland is finished, they are moving down to Coffs Harbour - but I can live with that - it is certainly a lot closer than bloody Townsville !!!  Do I believe that they will work in Coffs Harbour after Northern Queensland ?  Not bloody likely - because, as we all know, the company he works for couldn't organise blah blah blah..........

We are planning a holiday to Tasmania in August - work is going well - my health is certainly on the right track - there is heaps that we have to work on for A's health but I know that we will get there, provided he is prepared to work at getting healthy.  I am going to start working on my exercise because that is the next step for me - and I am going to set realistic exercise goals.  What I used to achieve will not be used to measure what I am achieving now because this is a new exercise regime and I am going to treat it as such.

On Saturday I am meeting Judy from Australian Inspirational Women and, while we haven't met before, I just know that we are going to have a great evening.

This has been more of a rambling post that I intended it to be - what I really wanted to say was a HUGE THANK YOU to Jules from The Bumpiest Path for such a wonderful present - it really made my week !

Have the best week that YOU can !

TFTD : Life becomes a lot more fun-filled when you remove negative people from it.
(YAY for all the positive people in my life - THANK YOU !!!!)

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

The Week That Was

Well, those 9 days passed in the blink of an eye.  OK - maybe not quite the blink of an eye but it certainly doesn't feel like it was 9 days ago that A arrived home and he has left again already.  We were talking last night and I made him laugh - he had annoyed me in the evening because I had asked him to do something on Friday, and Saturday and Sunday and he had still not done it (and by then it was dark and I knew that even if he went out to do it, it wouldn't be done properly because he wouldn't be able to see properly) - I told him that when I was really missing him while he was gone, I thought about the times he had really annoyed me and then I didn't miss him so much !!!!  He thought that it was a strange way to deal with him not being at home and I told him "Whatever works for me, works for me !!!!"

We spent some amazing time together - just being together - not necessarily doing anything exciting - just enjoying being together.

I also spent Wednesday morning waiting for him to have some cancer cut out of his face only for him to go for a follow up appointment on Friday and be told that, while they had cut bigger than they thought necessary, they didn't get it all.  So, he has to go back again once this lot has healed.  The next time they are going to send it off to pathology before they stitch him up to make sure that they don't have to cut again.  Poor bugger - the same thing happened with the last lot of cancer they cut out - didn't get it all and they had to go back in again.  Lucky he doesn't have a career in modelling !!!  My BIL thinks this could be a new weight loss strategy - getting bits cut out !!!!

Thursday I took the day off work and Friday K took the day off work to spend with Dad.  I was really pleased as she can be a little narky with him at times.  Actually, when he arrived and it looked like things may get a little tense between them, I said "OK, Dad is only here for 9 days so everyone has to be nice to everyone else" - and that seemed to be the mantra repeated a few times while he was home.  If only it would work when he was home permanently !!!!!!!!!!

I thought that I was doing the right thing by booking a flight to see him half way through this month that he is away from home only for him to get to Townsville this morning and hear that the riggers are moving down to Rockhampton in the next couple of days which means he will be following them a few days later.  So, now to see how much it will cost me to change my flights - bloody company couldn't organise a p*ss up in a brewery if their lives depended on it !!!!!!!!!!!!  DRIVES ME NUTS (I think I may have mentioned this before !!!!!)

I have finally stopped the medication I was taking for depression so hopefully my weight will start to move now.  I was going to walk tonight but got home late from work and brought some work home with me to do so I didn't land up walking.  But, I have to be honest and say that it is a long time since I have felt so good.  I feel in control of my life and, even though I miss A while he is away, I don't feel like I can't get through the day because he isn't here.  I feel like I can cope by myself.  I don't know how I will go with staying in the house by myself as K is off to house sit for friends of ours on Thursday but will deal with that when it happens.  I cannot believe how much better I feel now, when I compare how I was feeling a few months ago - when everything seemed to be too hard and too much.  I am still on heaps of medication and supplements (24.6 tablets per day) BUT, if that is what it takes to get my body and mind feeling like this, I will continue to take them because they are worth it - every - single - one - of - them.

Today I landed up working late to get reports printed off for our board meeting first thing tomorrow morning at Richlands, so I was not in the best frame of mind when I got home.  That changed really quickly when I checked the mail and found an envelope addressed to The Body and Feet Retreat and this is what was inside :

Shelley from learnlovelive had mailed it to me.  I cannot tell you how happy it made me - it will look absolutely great with my winter jumpers.  I can't wait to wear it to work tomorrow.  I don't think the people at work will understand the significance to me that it has as none of them know me as 'Me' - but I just love it !  Thank you soooooooo much Shelley, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you thinking of me.  As Lisa from RandomActsofZen said "Karma" !!!

As it is Tuesday I am joining in with Jess at EssentiallyJess for #IBOT.  I have to say that I missed my on-line friends this past week.  I also missed celebrating my 30,000 page view - but hey, that happens sometimes !!!  It's good to be back and I hope to be able to catch up with what everyone has been doing over the next few nights. 

Take care everyone - and, remember, if you would like to be part of either Project Pay It Forward or, Project Brighten Someone's Day, please DM or e-mail me your physical address and I will add you to the list.  I think I am loving these projects more than the people on the receiving end of them !

TFTD : One of the most rewarding moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you can't change.
(I cannot tell you how much this thought has changed my life !)

Friday, 7 June 2013

Things I Know

Friday is link up with The Miss Cinders (please note the name change !!!) for Things I Know Friday.  Why not join in because, as we all know and MC always reminds us, we all know sh*t.

Today :

- I know that I am more than a little teensy weensie excited.

- I know that when I say "See you just now" to A this morning, it is true !

- I know that this has been a great week.  One of those weeks where, even though some things haven't gone to plan, I've been able to go with the flow and all has been well.

- I know that I am looking forward to the long weekend.

- I know that K and I had a great conversation last Friday night when we driving into Surfers for her to drop me off to meet with CrashTest Mummy.  She said "Mom, I don't want to grow up like you." and, do you know I was soooooooooooooo happy to hear her say that.  I can't think of many other things she could have told me that would have made me happier !!!!  I don't want her to grow up like me either.  I want her to grow up confident and self assured and capable and strong.  I want her to grow up believing in her ability to achieve whatever she wants.  I want her to grow up and be out there - not in a nasty way - but in a way that says "I'm here.  I'm strong.  I'm confident.  I can achieve anything. Don't mess with me because you may land up being sorry."

- I know that this will probably scare some people off but that is OK, she is very stong willed and needs to mix with people who can deal with that and not let her be in charge all the time.

- I know that I am looking forward to going to a Suns game with A on Saturday - it's been too long since he has been to a game.  What would be even better is if we beat North Melbourne (which I think we could do if the stars align !!!)

- I know that I love brightening someone's day - I have got sooooooooo much pleasure out of this project - I am finding it quite hard to hold back and pace myself.

- I know that I am loving the new blogs that I have come across recently and the new connections I am making on Twitter / Instagram.

- I know that I love the way the universe works.

- I know that I may not be on SM much this coming week because sometimes living IRL is more important.

- I know that my awesome on-line friends will be here for me when I get back and will totally understand me not being around while A is home.

Have the best weekend and I will see you when I see you !

TFTD : It's the hardest times that teach us the most valuable lessons.

Thursday, 6 June 2013

Thankful Thursday

YAY - it's Thursday which means Thankful Thursday linky with Francesca from Francesca Writes Here.  Yesterday I spent a fair bit of time thinking about what I was thankful for and I came up with ............................. nothing !  Not that I am not thankful for stuff, but just that I don't want to keep posting week after week the same 'stuff' !!!!

Francesca kindly reminded me that I was thankful that there is only 1 more sleep until A gets back instead of the 8 that I had last week (which technically means this isn't the same 'stuff') but I wanted something just a little different.  So here goes (and, even as I am typing this I am not sure what is going to follow here ...........)

- I am thankful for looking after myself and taking on board everyone's comments about going for a massage (here).  I know that the universe works to give us what we need - and this is how it worked out for me.  As a result of finding a massage therapist in the yellow pages, who did a fantastic job at massaging me (I find it very difficult to get a good massage because I have such high standards for myself and I expect others to have the same), after a bit of a chat, she told me about a naturopath she had been to see.  I thought that it was worth going to see her to see if there was anything she could do to help me and I went to see her yesterday.  What a lovely lady.  She said that the medication and supplements I was on were great and just topped it up with some homeopathic medication.  She suggested another two supplements but recommended I get them from Giant Chemist as they were cheaper than what she could sell them to me for !!!!

- I am thankful for the one-on-one time that I get to spend with K while A is away - it truly has been magical in some strange ways.

- I am thankful for the cheap, good quality yarn that my folks keep finding for me to buy so that I can keep on with my project of crocheting baby blankets.  To be honest, I don't even know which project I am supporting anymore - I crochet them and give them to my folks and they drop them off with someone.  I am presuming that there are babies somewhere who are warmer because of the blankets I have made.

- I am thankful that it is getting cooler in the mornings and evenings and somehow my hot flushes and night sweats seem to have calmed down a little (or maybe the medicine is working and keeping them under control) - whichever it is I am happy that I only have to change pj's three or four times a week instead of three or four times a night !!  (Yes, I just have a pile of vests next to my bed and when one gets wet, I take it off and pull another one on.)

- I am soooooooooooooo thankful that it is a long weekend this weekend - WOOO-BLOODY-HOOOOOOO - how cool is that going to be ?  A gets home tomorrow afternoon/evening and we get to spend three days together !!!!!!!!!!!!  Gotta love celebrating the Queen's birthday !

- I am not thankful that there was something that I thought was a really good thing to be thankful for but now I have forgotten what it was !!!

I know that we all have stuff that we are thankful for - what are you thankful for today ?

Have the best week !

TFTD : Have faith in your lifelong journey. No matter how stressful, everything had to happen exactly as it did to get you to where you're going.

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Does My Butt Look Big In This ?

I know that this is a loaded question that not many of us are not keen to ask and, our partners are probably not happy to answer, feeling that they are in a bit of a no-win situation - tell the truth and we are liable to smack them, tell a lie and we go out, not looking our best.

But, on Friday night I asked the question of K and I could see the indecision in her face - she wanted to tell me the truth that yes, my butt did look big but she was afraid of hurting me.  When I said that I thought it was too big for the outfit she, hesitatingly, agreed but said that if I wore my jacket when I was standing up or walking and took it off when I was sitting, I would be fine.  I did wear my jacket when I wasn't sitting down but this evening made me realise that, while I have accepted that my weight is what it is, due to circumstances beyond my control, I am still not happy with how I look.  I avoid mirrors and big glass windows as best I can - which does make me sad because I can remember that it wasn't that long ago that I was a bit of a mirror whore and would check out my figure when I walked past a window.  I need to stay focused on getting my health to where it should be.  As I said, while I have accepted  my weight for what it is, it doesn't mean that I am happy about it.  I posted that photo of me after The Color Run but it took me ages to actually post it - when I look at that photo, I don't like what I see.  Yes, I managed to finish the walk (it definitely wasn't 5kms but that is OK) and I am trying really hard to hold onto the fact that I said that if I could finish it I would be happy. 

Now, anyone who knows me will know that I am not a big dress/skirt fan.  I do jeans.  I do slacks.  I don't do dresses.  Or at least I didn't do dresses until I lost a whole heap of weight, when suddenly I had self confidence and I wore dresses with tights and flats and I felt good.  Fast forward 26kgs and a few months and my self confidence is hitting rock bottom, so much so I got home from work on Friday afternoon and said to K that I thought I should phone and cancel my catch up with CrashTest Mummy as I didn't know if I could go through with it.  NOT that there is anything scary about CrashTest Mummy, it's just that I am shy and I don't do meeting new people well at all.  There was no way she was letting me cancel.  She even said she would drop me off and I could text her when we were finished and she would come and pick me up so that I didn't have the stress of trying to find the hotel and then worry about parking for the evening.  So we did this.  We got there far too early because we left home too early but she wouldn't leave me there - we sat in the car chatting about our day and what had happened at work.  She really went out of her way to relax me before I got out the car.

CrashTest Mummy and I had a wonderful meal at Yamagen at QT Hotel and chatted like we had known each other for ages.  I really am so pleased that I didn't cancel !!!!  She suggested that I try to find a buddy before Problogger to meet up with so that we could arrive together so if there is anyone reading this who is going to Problogger and wouldn't mind me tagging along with them - let me know.  If you are local, maybe we can meet before then and if you aren't local, maybe I can get you from the airport or catch up the night before.

So, yes, my butt did look big in the outfit that I had on but K said that it was better than wearing black slacks and a granny top (I didn't realise I had granny tops but, apparently I do !!!) and, at the end of the day, a big butt is a big butt is a big butt, it is very hard to disguise !! 

And, if you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question !

Today is Tuesday which means it is the day I a lot of bloggers link in with Essentially Jess for #IBOT - why not pop over and read some amazing blogs ?

Have the best day and take care !

TFTD : Everyone deserves something that makes them look forward to tomorrow.  
And because I couldn't make up my mind as to which one was most relevant to me today here is another TFTD 
If you’re struggling, that means you’re growing.

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