Monday 24 June 2013

I Must Confess ........

I know that last week's linky was about embarrassing moments but seeing as I am getting old and not quite up to speed as everyone else, I am going to blog about it this week instead of last week !!! And, because Kirsty isn't too fussed about what our confession is about, I figure it is OK to be a week out of sync with everyone else !

My name is Me and I am over-weight fat. There is no two ways about it. There is really no polite way to put it. I am fat. Bottom line (no pun intended - OK maybe just a little pun intended !) - I am the biggest I have been since I was 38 weeks pregnant over 21 years ago. Last week I put on 4.3kg. Yes, I ate no sugar, no wheat, no dairy and I put on 4.3kgs. Maybe it is all the protein and healthy fruit and veg that I have been eating !!! Seriously, it has to be the medication because what the hell else could it be ???????

But, it is very difficult to walk around with a sign on my forehead saying "I am this big because of the medication I am taking " - isn't it ? And, in actual fact, I'm not even taking the medication anymore although I have been told that it will still take a while for my system to get rid of all the medication and things may be slow after that. Well thank you for that small gem of NOTHING !!

Anyway, my confession is about how I went walking on Saturday and landed up with chaffing on my butt cheeks ! Yes, you read that correctly - my butt is now so big, my cheeks chaff each other while I am walking. As do my tuckshop arms.

This is where I wish I was walking

This is something I didn't know because I have never done any exercise at this weight. You better believe that the last time I weighed this much the last thing on my mind was exercise - all I wanted to do was GET THE BABY OUT !!!! (She - although we didn't know she was a she at the time- was two weeks late) and I didn't walk anywhere - I waddled. I was surprised that nobody called the Whale Protection Services (or whatever they are called) when I was out because I certainly bore a close resemblance to a whale - thank goodness I was never in togs so they didn't have to worry about a beached whale !!

And my poor feet - I don't think they knew what had hit them during the walk. I set off for the PO because I mistakenly thought that if I posted my latest PBSD stuff at the PO and not at a satellite collection box, it would go sooner. Well that was wrong - it only gets collected at 5pm Monday - Friday so it makes no difference. But that is OK - except that from the shopping centre, I decided to turn left instead of right, not really thinking about how far left I would have to go before I got to a road going left that would take me back to the road that I needed to be on to get home. By the time I realised what I had done it was too late to turn back as it would have taken me longer to walk home from there than to carry on the way I was going. So, there I was, pounding the streets, at 10mins p/km (so sad when I think of what I was running previously BUT I am not going to compare - well not a lot anyway !!!) and my poor feet had to put up with the extra 'I don't know how much force because of the extra weight I am carrying' going through them. No wonder they were screaming at me for the last 2kms. I landed up walking 6.22km in 1 hr 1 min. Apart from the above complaints, I felt fantastic when I was finished. Not so much because of how far (or not) or how fast (or not) I had walked - but more because I had actually just got out there and done it, without looking for an excuse about why I couldn't do it. This week I had committed to walking three days - I have done two as I managed to get out for a shorter walk on Sunday.  Clearly Runkeeper does not like to work when my phone is shoved down the waistband of my pants as I had only gone about 600m when it was telling me I had done 1km in about 6 mins - which would have been absolutely fantastic if I hadn't only been walking 1km in 10mins the day before !!!!  I knew it was stuffed so I reset it and then had to carry my phone the rest of the way so that temperamental Runkeeper would work properly !!!!  While it isn't the three that I committed to, it is better than the zero walks which I have been averaging for the past too many months !!!!

I have to carry my phone because the iPhone holder that I have causes too much chaffing under my arm. I am getting to the point where the bigger exercise clothes that I bought a few months ago are getting too small for me. Do I go out and buy some more or do I squish myself as best I can into them for a few more weeks while I wait to see if this weight starts to move ? Am I going to embarrass myself even more if I continue to wear clothes that, while they aren't exactly too small, they are very close to it ? Is someone going to be wearing the Judgey McJudgey hat that I sometimes have on ? Are they going to look at me and say "Goodness - doesn't she have a mirror at home ? Didn't she look at herself before she walked out the door ?" Or is it all in my head and nobody is actually looking at me anyway because, aside from the fact that I am large and out exercising, there really is no reason for anyone to look at me ?

No matter, I have to do this for me. I need to do this for me. I need to be exercising because I feel so much better when I exercise. I need to get out there and get those endorphins flowing again. I need to get out there and improve my time and my fitness levels. I need to get out there so that I can improve my self esteem. I need to get out there so that I can be an example for A and K. And, most importantly, I want to get out there again - I have missed the above feelings from not exercising like I used to. It has been all too easy to slip out of the habit and now I need to work on getting back into the habit.

Rhianna from The Parenting Life tweeted about a squatting challenge which I think I may try. And, if I am going to do that I could just as well start my daily planking session. So, with those two exercises and my walking, it looks like I am on my way to getting my fitness levels back to where they were (hopefully without too much pressure from me about 'the good ole days when I used to be able to do xyz' !!!!)  Having decided to do the above, I started with 3 x 20 squats when I got back from my walk and 1:49:3 of planking on my knees.  Tomorrow the plan is to do 80 squats and somehow build up to 300 squats by day 30 so am going to have to do a little spreadsheet (yes, why thank you, I am the queen of spreadsheets) tomorrow so that I can work out how many I have to increase it by each day in order to get to the 300 in 30 days !!!!

What are you confessing to today ?  Why not join in with Kirsty at My Home Truths ?

Have the best week !

TFTD : Sometimes what you want isn't what you get, but what you get in the end is so much better than what you wanted.

21 comments:

  1. Thank you Me for your confession! I totally get it...now that I've put on weight, my boobs get really bad chaffing when I run on the treadmill if i don't wear a sports bra. However, my sports bra is now way too small and my boobs bulge out. So I have to resort to walking and running only a little at a time. I totally get this!

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    Replies
    1. At the moment I am really squishing the girls into the really good sports bra that I have but I don't know how much longer I will get away with doing that !!! Hopefully, the weight will start to move soon and it won't be an issue !!!
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  2. I'm the biggest that I have ever been, so I totally get this. I signed up for Biggest Loser last week and I am making progress slowly. I hate feeling physically uncomfortable all of the time. I can't wear dresses without tights because my legs get so badly chaffed.

    Good luck with your new exercise plan!

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    Replies
    1. Well done on signing up for BL - good luck with the progress you have made. Slow is sometimes better than fast !!!!
      I think that is one of the reasons why I don't wear dresses - only jeans - but even they are becoming uncomfortable.
      Have the best week !
      Me

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  3. Love the new plan, and spreadsheets are brilliant, love seeing figures and things changing on a piece of paper. Have an awesome week :)

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    1. Thanks Jackie - you too !!!
      Yes, seeing the numbers change (in a good way and not the way I am watching them change currently) is a good thing !
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  4. 80 squats???? That is a lot. I would be cripple. But you've inspired me - I'll try & do 20. Squats seem to make the biggest difference in the shortest time.
    Don't be too hard on yourself - and don't buy new exercise clothes. Tell judgey to go f&ck herself. Buy a new dress when you are happier with yourself. Exercise clothes suck.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Lydia. I plan to do 2x20 when I get home and then 2x20 after I have been for a walk and done my planking !!
      I'm trying to give myself a break but when I put on just over 4kgs in one week it is so hard !!!!!
      Have a good one !
      Me

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  5. I agree with Lydia, don't be too hard on yourself.

    I'm at least 5kg heavier now than I was with either of my pregnancies!!! I am on medication that I suspect may not be helping my cause but I'd rather be well than skinny.

    Maybe I'm kidding myself but I don't actually think I look too fat - especially if I make a point of wearing clothes that fit and don't turn me into an overstuffed sausage roll!

    Good on you for walking and getting out there ... but how annoying that you put on weight during a healthy diet week ... what's that about?

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    1. That is the tack that I took to start with - I would rather be healthy/well than thin except now I am finding that I actually feel much better off the anti-depressants than I did when I was on them. How come the dr doubled the dose then ??????
      I do the - wear clothes that actually fit instead of squishing (except my exercise clothes !!!) into clothes too small - I actually bought a couple of tops on sale from Target on Saturday for that exact reason.
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  6. Oh, I can relate to this - although I'm not sure my knees could cope with so many squats. I am not a fan of exercise so I just decided to wear a lot of loose, floaty, hippy dresses and be all mysterious! Which is easy in summer, but a lot harder to pull off in winter!

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    1. I wondered if my knees and ankles would make 60 - there was lots of cracking and creaking until about squat #43 !!!!
      Gotta love loose floaty dresses except then I find that my legs chaff too much !!!!
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  7. I lost a lot of weight at the end of last year through sensible eating and exercising (no fad diets). But now I've fallen off the wagon. I really, really need to start up again! Good luck - as you said, some exercise is better than none!

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    1. Thanks Cathy - I lost a fair bit of weight (just on 25kgs) a few years ago and had managed to keep most of it off. It wasn't until I started dealing with menopause that the weight came back and with such avengence !!!
      My legs were sore tonight and I had limited time so I just did a walk around the block - again, something has to be better than nothing !!
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  8. WOW! 80 Squats??!! I did about 2o the other week and I couldn't walk for days afterwards! Lol.

    I'm also the heaviest I've ever been. Hate it. I know what I need to do, just wish it wasn't SO HARD. Firs world, problems, huh?

    I have to say, I think you look great in your profile pic there, anyway. xo

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    1. Thank you Vanessa. For sure first world problems !! Sometimes I wish I could say I just don't care - but I do care. But, all I can do is the best that I can with my eating and exercise - the medication will have to stay until I can stop which I am sure will happen at some point in the future - I just need to be patient.
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  9. Well done to getting out and getting started on the right path. I tend to do walking dvd's in winter, Lesley Sansone (see one here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRScb2l4Z4g_

    They also target the arms and it helps when you have a week or more of bad weather and you can't venture out.

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    1. Thanks for this Lesley - it will really help on the days when I get home from work and the weather is miserable and I don't want to go out and do anything. At least if I can stay at home in the lougeroom it will mean I can still get my exercise in and not get too cold/wet !!!
      And a bonus that they target arms too - I really need those exercises too !
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  10. Good on you for getting back out there and starting to exercise again! I hope you feel more like yourself again soon - you so deserve to!

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  11. Yay! I love that you are giving the squat challenge a go. I will send you all the days to make it easier for your spread sheet. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovely lady, I love how you are just going to keep on keeping on. That really is the only way!

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  12. Yes, yes and yes. I do like exercise, it makes me feel better. I sleep better, I am happy, I have more energy etc, etc. Like a few others, I am the biggest I have ever been. You just need to keep doing and focus on how you feel. You will get there.

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Have the best day.

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