Tuesday 8 January 2013

Being Kind To Myself

2012 was the year that I challenged myself in ways I never thought possible.

2013 is the year that I plan on learning how to be kind to myself.

I am, and always have been, my biggest enemy !  I continually think I should have done better.  If I lose 1kg I think I should have lost 1.2kg.  If I run under 7mins, I think I should have run under 6:40 mins.  If I make bad food choices, I think I am the worst person around who has stuffed up YET AGAIN.  If I don't reach my goals in the (mostly unrealistic) time frames I have set, I think I am just useless and probably shouldn't waste my time trying anyway.

This year I want to learn how to be kind to myself.  I want to try to stop the negative self talk that happens.  I want to be to myself the supportive person that I try to be to others.  A very dear friend has been beating herself up over what has happened over the past 4 weeks and I said she should pretend it was someone else she was talking to, someone who had done exactly what she had done, and see what she would say to them. 

And then the light bulb moment happened for me.  That is EXACTLY what I need to do to myself.  I need to support myself the same as (I feel) I support my friends - give them words of encouragement when they feel like they have failed, reassure them that it really is not the end of the world if they have stuffed up, love them because we are all human and we all have a tendency to sometimes make choices that aren't necessarily the best choices we could make. 

If I can do this for my friends, shouldn't I be able to do it for myself ?

Shouldn't I be my biggest fan ?  Not my husband or my daughter or my friends - shouldn't I be my number 1 fan ?  Shouldn't I be the one nurturing myself and encouraging myself to the best that I can possibly be ?

For me, the answer to these questions is a BIG FAT RESOUNDING YES  !!!  I should be my biggest fan.  I should be nurturing myself.  I should be encouraging myself to be the best that I can be.

So that is what is am going to do - I am going to work really hard on being my biggest fan - not getting down on myself when things don't go how I think they should, giving myself a break from having to be an all or nothing kind of girl.

Recently I saw this on MINsMASH's blog and it touched me so much I printed it off, cut it out and stuck it on my computer - in front of me, every day of the week !!

transition
 
 
This is my current mantra !!
 
In my endeavour to stay as positive as I can about my life and where it is moving and how I am going to get there, I have re-introduced the daily Thought For The Day e-mail.  Each morning (most times it's the morning !!) I send out a thought for the day (TFTD) - one that makes me think or one that I find is particularly applicable to me at that point in time.  If you are interested in being on this list, please e-mail me your address and I will include you in the list.
 
Have the best day and take care !
 
Linking in with Essentially Jess for #IBOT
 
 
TFTD : Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.  Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice - Steve Jobs

48 comments:

  1. This is AWESOME! I think we all need to take ntoe of what you say and try and follow this ourselves.

    Also, its SO much easier to give brilliant advice to everyone around us and not take it on ourselves. GUILTY AS CHARGED!

    You did so amazing last year and I was so very pleased to 'meet' you and I just cant wait to follow you this year and see how everything pans out!

    xxx

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    1. Thanks Meagan - it really is so much easier to help others isn't it. This is the change I want to see in my life this year - here's to success for all of us !
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  2. That is a brilliant outlook and one that would serve us all well. I read something very similar about how we set resolutions to be better, stronger faster. Why not just love who we are and see where that takes us? I really like this mindset.

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    1. Thanks L - I think that saying really nailed it for me. Why have I never been happy with the me inside me - why have I always wanted to change her. I'd like to think that she is just as good as anything I could change her into !!
      Have the best day and take care of yourself - yell out if there is anything I can do to help !
      Me

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  3. What a great idea! Treat ourselves like we treat other people. I love this. Rachel xx

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    1. Thanks Rachel - can't think why it took me so long to twig onto it !!!
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  4. So well put - we should all be our biggest fans. Guess it is a female thing that we are the first to put ourselves down and also put ourselves last in life.
    I do like the TFTD.

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    1. Yip Jacana - I think it is a female thing - sad really but that is the reality of it isn't it ?
      Glad you like the TFTD.
      Have a great week !
      Me

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  5. Your words speak to me. Goodluck being kinder to yourself. I think I need to do exactly the same thing. Those little voices in my head need to be much more positive!

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    1. Thank you ! I cannot believe how many people have commented on this post - I didn't realise that I was like so many other people !!!!
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  6. Good on you for thinking about this! Self love is so important and we often get caught up in helping everyone else and just criticising ourselves.

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    1. So very true Eleise !
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting !
      Have the best week !
      Me

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  7. I can really relate to this post. I never put myself ahead of anything, and at times my own worst enemy. It's time I started doing it a bit more, it might make me less resentful of all those I give to. Thanks for sharing.
    Emily

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    1. You are welcome Emily - as I said in a previous comment, I am astounded at how many other people think / feel like this - makes me realise I truly am not alone !
      Have a great day !
      Me

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  8. That's a really good outlook to have, I am the same we always encourage everyone else but beat ourselves up over the most minor thing. I am going to try to take your advice too. :-)

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    Replies
    1. We can only try !!!
      Have the best time with your Mom, sister and nephew !
      Me

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  9. Replies
    1. Thanks Jackie - me too !!! I don't know how many times a day I read it to myself !
      Have the best day and take care !
      Me

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  10. Oh, that mantra is perfect! I'm going to have to steal it of you (and from Mins!)
    I have been my own harshest critic for a long time but wasn't too good at being my own best support. I'm slowly changing that. Happy new year, lovely ! x

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    Replies
    1. Go ahead and steal all you like - it's a great mantra to have and even better if you can share it with someone else !!!
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  11. Great idea. I'm also trying to relax and just enjoy things as they come along, rather than always thinking how I could have done a better job, or comparing my achievements (or lack of them!) to those of others.

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    1. I am working hard on making this year about competing against myself and not worrying about what others are doing - everyone is running their own race in life and I need to take that into my training as well - we all come from different places and it's OK to do it in my own time.
      Have a great weekend and take care !
      Me

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  12. Definitely treat yourself as you treat others - you are always so encouraging and supportive, turn that goodness inwards lovely!

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    1. Thanks Deb - working really hard on that this year ! So far it is working which is great !
      Have the best day and enjoy the new addition to your family !
      Me

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  13. That was a great quote from Min. I might save it too. x

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    Replies
    1. The more people who share it and save it and use it - the better !!!
      Have the best Friday !
      Me

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  14. This is such a great quote. I don't know why we are always so severe on ourselves and so supportive to others. I agree with you, we have to learn to love ourselves first.

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    1. I know - it's really funny how we can help others and be so hard on ourselves !
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  15. I love it. I want you to know your words have been echoing in my brain, and I *am* being kinder to myself. I have to be, as I'm the only person who will console myself after PT tomorrow night! ;-) Thanks for the kick up the bum, the support, and the always-encourage words of wisdom L. You're a gem. xo

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    1. YAY - am sure you didn't need much consoling after PT - sounds like you rocked it !!!!
      Thanks for all your support - here's to a fantastic year of achievements and success in whatever we decide to do !
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  16. Ooooh! I love that printable! I am sure that so much of what you say here resonates for so many of us. I must say that I am getting there...
    Another quote for you borrowed from Kirri White... "When a woman becomes her own best friend her life becomes easier", Diane Von Furstenberg.
    How freaking true is that?!!
    Much love. xx

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    1. Wow - what a great quote - thanks for sharing (and I may have to share it with others along the way !!!)
      It's hard work but we will get there in the end !
      Have a great day !
      Me

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  17. It's a big resounding hell yes from me as well. Can you please add me to your email list as I just love that idea as well I am at parentinglife(at)gmail(dot)com
    Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses for a fantastic year ahead, especially now we have our new best friends sorted, you know ourselves ;)

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    1. LOL - yes, I am working really hard at being my bestie (it's hard when my real bestie is my husband - but I'm next in line !!!)
      Have added you to the e-mail list - let me know if you no longer want to receive the TFTD.
      Have a great Friday !
      Me

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  18. That sounds like a great mantra for the year! Allow yourself to be who you want to be when you want to be! A little competition with yourself is healthy but do not allow yourself to judge and criticise yourself particularly when you have made very effort to do the best you can!

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    1. Oh Vicki - such wise words and so hard to put into practice - BUT I am getting better at it !! I try to finish something knowing that I gave it my best and accepting that sometimes it may not be as good as I wanted but it was my best shot - can't really ask for more can I ?
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  19. Yay! This is a fabulous realisation, you should be your biggest fan! I love that quote from Steve Jobs, what an inspiration man he was.

    I am always telling my boys to treat people as they want to be treated. It's such a hard one to understand, and harder to put into practice.

    You are a great support for your friend, and I am so happy you have realised you need to do that for yourself too.

    #teamIBOT

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    1. Thanks Sophie - yes it took me a while to realise it but at least I got there !!!
      Have a great day !
      Me

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  20. I am exactly the same- always my own worst critic! I am working on learning to be kinder to myself this year too. :)

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    1. Great to hear - good luck because it isn't easy but then nothing worth having is ever really easy is it ?
      Have the best day !
      Me

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  21. I love your thought for the day! I think we all have a tendency to live in black and white, rather than in the grey. I'm all for changing this in 2013 too!

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    1. That has been me for too long - 100% or nothing - when really sometimes 80% is OK !
      Have a great day !
      Me

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  22. why are we our own harshest critics? why are we so mean to ourselves? being kind to yourself if a great focus for 2013, it is actually really hard to do.
    I have loved reading along this year (I'm the lurker in the shadows). Best wishes for this coming year, I trully hope it is one filled with unexpected joy xxx

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    1. Thanks Lisa - and thank you for commenting and letting me know you are here and reading !!
      It is hard work but I am making a real effort to be nice to me - and I can see some small changes already which is fantastic !
      Have a great day !
      Me

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  23. I love this - go you! Stay positive and BE your biggest fan!

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    1. Thanks Kirsty - have the best day at the tennis with your friends !
      Me

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  24. Replies
    1. Thank you - I am working hard at making it a habit so that it isn't such hard work moving forward !!!
      Have the best day !
      Me

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I love getting comments - please feel free to leave a comment to let me know you were here !
Have the best day.

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