(OK - I'm not linking up with Miss Cinders for TIK because she is having a bloggy break - does this show that I haven't been around reading blogs for a little while ??? But, for your reading pleasure, I will leave this post up as something that I do know !)
I have realised that my child has learned habits / traits / characteristics / call them what you want from me that I never wanted to teach her. In fact, if I had my way, I would do anything to take back the things that she has picked up because of my behaviour rather than my teachings.
When I was younger - and probably up until about 7-8 years ago, I was very critical and judgemental - of everything - what I did, what I wore, what other people did, what they wore, how they parented their children, how they dealt with problems. I made other people's problems my issues - and they weren't mind to make. They weren't mine to take on. It took me many years to learn that, so long as I worry about my own issues / problems, that is all I have control over - and those are the only ones I have any business worrying about.
People do things according to the timeline that they are on. They work according to the guidelines that they have set for themselves. And those timelines and guidelines may not fit in with what I think are the right things to do - and that is OK.
K is exactly like I used to be in some aspects - while she is much more confident and out-going than I think I ever was, and she certainly has more self confidence in her 21yo body than I have in my 48yo body. But sadly, she has learned to be critical and judgemental of others. Whenever I hear her I try to explain about how, when something has no impact on her, she should just accept that other people do things differently but I feel like I am talking to a brick wall.
This morning she went to TAFE and they had an assignment (speech) that was due today. In fact they have 4 assignments that are due over the course of today and tomorrow. 16 of the 20 people in the class said they thought the assignment was due next Thursday. So, the 4 who were ready got to do theirs, the others got 30 mins to do / finish theirs and then they had to present them. She called me and was absolutely furious that they had been given another 30 minutes. I asked her why it annoyed her so much because it meant that (a) she had half an hour extra free time at lunch and (b) it showed the 4 who had done the assignment on time in a much better light (probably not the best example but work with me here !!). She humphmed her reply and said she supposed so.
Why oh why did I spend so much of my life worrying about what other people were doing (or not doing, whichever the case may be) ? Why did I feel that it had anything to do with me ? And why has K picked up this trait ? Of all the things she could have learned from me, she picked this one. And maybe the lesson for me is that, maybe she too will realise that it is so draining taking on the issues of other people and stop doing it - I just hope that she doesn't take as long as I did !
Have your children picked up traits
that you didn't actually teach them ?
Have you joined in with Things I Know ?
If not, are you going to ?
Have a great weekend and take care !
TFTD : Keep on going and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down - Charles F Kettering