I have done a paleo kind of diet before so it wasn't completely new to me EXCEPT this time I wasn't cutting corners like I did the last time. There were occasions when we went out and I had pizza (wheat and dairy), there were times we went out and I had muffins / pancakes / chocolates / grainwaves (wheat and sugar) - because, at the end of the day life was worth living and who wants to deny themselves everything all of the time ? I certainly didn't want to deny myself all the time and I was happy to make the occasional compromise.
Now I am faced with the challenge of - how many compromises are OK ? Is one a day OK ? Is one a week OK ? Is a wedding / birthday / celebration OK ? Since 8th April - I have cut out soft drinks completely - I have been drinking water, veggie juice, V8 fruit juice (1/2 glass a day max) and soda water with a dash of lime in it. I went from probably 2-3L of coke a day, to nothing - and that was fine - I ate carrot sticks and gluten free dairy free dip. On Saturday I felt like a coke. I would have given my
Sunday afternoon A left for Townsville. We have known for quite a while that he was going to have to travel we just didn't know when. A few weeks ago I doubt I would have been able to get through the day without him here but I am feeling so much stronger in myself that I know that I will be fine. I miss him dreadfully but I know that he has to do this and there is nothing I can do except accept that he is away and get on with what I need to do.
Tonight I got home from work and was watching TV when K got home. We had dinner and she fell asleep on the couch next to me. I wanted that bloody coke so badly again. I had some more veggie juice instead. I got up from the couch, had a shower and eventually got that coke out of the fridge and in three glugs, it was gone. And I thoroughly enjoyed every single drop of it. Will that increase my risk of diabetes ? I honestly don't know. Can I stop at one ? Bloody oath I can - because if I don't one becomes two becomes more than a few and the slippery slope appears out of nowhere.
My eating has been great. I am finding it difficult when we are out to find suitable food to eat but I think that may just be a learning thing for me. I made some lovely apple and macadamia biscuits last week. K and I made more on Sunday as well as some apple and cinnamon biscuits and some banana and pecan muffins. While there is no sugar in these, they do provide great 'sweet' snacks - something that I do miss. Some people suggested first cutting out wheat and then dairy and then sugar but I found it easier to just cut it all out together - sort of like pulling the plaster off in one quick swipe instead of slowly pulling it off. It has meant that I have had to be more prepared with my meals - I have to make sure that I cook enough at night so that there are enough for left overs another night as well as enough for me to take for lunch as well. Sometimes I battle with having protein at every meal. The only way I can do it at breakfast is with protein powder in my smoothie. I do miss having toast for breakfast or with fresh bread with soup - there is nothing nicer than hot toast with squished up avo and a dash of salt for breakfast - unless it is a fruit smoothie made with coconut milk, fruit, egg and protein powder - because that is my reality now and I am embracing it and enjoying it.
This coming weekend is going to provide a big challenge for me from a food point of view - we are going away with BIL and SIL. They both understand the situation I am in and A, being so supportive, will do his best to make sure that we go to places where I can find things to eat. I have my trusty Paleo app on my phone that I can pull out in emergencies to find out exactly whether I can or can't eat something. If the worst comes to the worst, I can get a plate of steamed veggies and tuck into the biltong (like jerky only 1000 times better !!!) that I am supposed to be making while A is away !!!
When we realised that he was going to be away until the night before we left, I went into a bit of a panic because I had asked him to make biltong for us to take away with us. He already had it marinading in the fridge but he knew that there was no ways I would hang it, so he hung it before he left with strict instructions about when I was to switch the light on (at night) and off (in the morning) so that it kept the drying process going through the night. First night he is away - I think to myself "I'm sure he said that it was OK for tonight to switch the light on tomorrow night because he only switched the light off before he left for the airport at 2.30" - so I didn't switch it on. I called him when I was on my way home and he asks "You must have remembered to switch the light off this morning because I called K to say good morning and asked her to check and she said that the light was off." "Uhmmmm - no - I didn't put it on last night - I thought you said it was OK to leave until tonight." Clearly that wasn't right. So I told him I would switch it on as soon as I got home - for pete's sake I have to walk right past it in the garage to get to the house !!!! Well, I forgot - completely - until at about 8.30pm K said "Hey Mom - do you think we can have some biltong with dinner ?" - The words "Bugger Poo Bum" (or quite possibly something a little stronger) came out my mouth as I dashed as fast as my chubby legs would carry me to the garage to switch the bloody biltong box light on !!! Geez, I hope I remember to switch it off tomorrow. That biltong probably has no idea of what is going on - if it turns out to be any good it will be in spite of everything I have done and not because of everything I have (or haven't) done !!!!
On Sunday night I went for a walk that was probably about 1km long - don't know how long it took me but I was happy that I felt HEAPS better than I did the last time I walked with Al last week. Maybe things are starting to turn the corner for me.
I have also been reading a book called "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. I can't tell you what a great book it is although, for me, it is one that I am going to have to read a couple of times as I find I get a little over whelmed sometimes with all the information in there. I really think it will make a difference to how I move forward in life - more positive and looking for solutions instead of problems. She talks about a no lose model - the one where, no matter which decision you make, it is the right one for you, that there are things you learn along the way that you will need for later in life, or to introduce you to different situations / people. I really want to start living like this - stop second guessing decisions that I have made and learn from every situation that I am in.
And, because it is Tuesday, I am joining in with Essentially Jess for #IBOT.
Have you linked in with Jess today ?
TFTD : You're not a failure if you don't make it, you're a success because you try - Susan Jeffers