Walking Tonight

Anyone following this journey will know that I have had heaps of ups and downs.  Recently I went to see a dietician who told me that I was having too many calories in my breakfast smoothies and I had to change what I ate for breakfast.  Well I have changed it and am now eating baked beans (definitely not my favourite but better than egg !!!) and my weight has been yo-yo-ing much better.  It will be interesting to see what she has to say when I go to see her next week.

One of the things she told me I needed to do was exercise for at least 20 mins a day and 2 x 20 mins on Saturday and Sunday.  Apart from one or two days when we had family over for dinner after work and we went to see Pink, I have done this.  Not that I can see any difference on the scales but never the less, I have done it.  Mostly.  Yesterday I only did 32 mins.  Today I did 28 mins.

To be honest I feel a bit silly posting about the 20 min walks that I have been doing when I see the exercise that others do and I have to remind myself that I am me and I need to do things at the pace that is right for me for now.  The more I do, the more I will be able to do.  And, I have to stop comparing myself to what I was doing previously - right now I don't think I could walk 10km never mind run 10km in 63 mins !!!!!  But, the past is the past and right now I need to look forward.

Anyway, back to my walk tonight.  It's amazing the difference at home now that A has left again.  K called me on her way home from work to tell me about something that had happened at work and how she had handled it in a mature manner - which is good because sometimes she can be very head strong and talk first think later kind of girl !!  Anyway, then she offered to go to Coles to get what I needed for dinner to save me having to stop on my way home from work.  Where is my child and who is this living in my house ?  Oh yes, A has left so the 'nice' K is back !!!  How am I going to deal with these two when A is home permanently ????????????????????????????

I got home and she was watching Hamish and Andy and when I came through dressed to walk she asked me how far I was going. I told her and she asked if I could wait a minute while she got changed as she would come with me on her skateboard.  I waited and off we went.  She bloody well gave me a few heart attacks as the board stopped and she ran off the front of it.  As she was skating along I was shouting "Mind out for the cars coming" and thought to myself "No matter how old she is, she is still my child and I am still watching out for her."  She was pushing on ahead and then coming back and high-fiving me as she went past and then turning and pushing on ahead and high-fiving me on the way past.  We chatted when she was close and were quiet when she was too far away.  At one point she went to high five me and I had the phone and remote in my hand and so lent over with my other hand and she offered to carry my phone and the garage remote.  I gave them to her and then a little while later realised that with her skating backwards and forwards, I wasn't going to get a true reading of how far I had walked so I got the phone back from her.

My BIL was putting in petrol at the servo across the road when we came to cross the road and so I went and waited for him to come out from paying for the petrol.  In the meantime K had jumped into his car and hid in the back seat.  We chatted a while and then he went and got in the car.  A little while later K came running out.  She said she didn't think he got a fright when she popped up at the back - but that was probably because she was laughing so much he probably heard her !!!! I had to laugh.  The two of them have so much fun together - call each other "Cuzzie" even though they are uncle and niece.  He always teases her that she is 2 yrs older than she is and she used to get really upset about it - now she just plays along.  He has a seniors card so we are always teasing him about how old he is.  It's great to have family that you can joke with like that.

Anyway, I had a good walk.  Got home and made a great chicken stir fry with enough for another couple of meals.  I found the things that I have to send off to the medical aid in the morning and now I am about to watch a movie I recorded ages ago and get some crocheting done.

Today is Tuesday to I am linking in with Essentially Jess for #IBOT - like all good bloggers do !!!!

Have the best week and take care !

Have you exercised today ?



TFTD : Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don't have to like it, it's just easier if you do.

Thankful Thursday

Another late post that I am scrambling around to put together - but only after reading Francesca's Thankful Thursday post - mainly because I want to say EXACTLY what she said !!!!

Only I don't have Missy Moos to spend time with - K, right now, isn't someone I want to spend too much time with - she wears about 25 pairs of cranky pants at a time PLUS I realise that this is actually not her issue, it's mine because I am wearing 50 pairs of cranky pants most of the time !!!  (What do they say about what you see in others being a reflection of yourself ?)

Poor A is stuck in the middle (Now I would really rather be a reflection of him but that doesn't seem to be happening !!!) and I do feel sorry for him - he says that he doesn't want to go back to work in Townsville but I wonder if there is a teeny tiny bit of him that is looking forward to getting out of the house from hell !!!!  I am so sick and tired of the tension between the two of them - he is the protective father who seems to be having some trouble letting go of  his little girl and she seems to go out of her way to be narky towards him at every opportunity that she can.

I had a long talk to her about it last night and her comment was "Was Papa like that with you ?" - I tried to explain to her that I grew up in a totally different environment.  My parents spoke and that was that - their word was law.  There were no discussions.  There were no negotiations. And there was certainly no back chat.  There was respect and there was acceptance of what they had said.  Now I understand that we are largely to blame for her up front attitude because we brought her up to be independant and to question things but we certainly didn't bring her up to be dis-respectful - she learned that all by herself somewhere along the way !!!

Having complained about them I am still thankful that they are my family, my support and my anchors.  I am thankful that they are in my life.  I am thankful for my on-line friends although I feel that I have neglected them of late and have been rushing around trying to comment on as many posts as I can.  Maybe that is part of the problem - I need to take a step back and hope that people will not think I am snubbing them if I haven't commented, it just means I haven't had time.  I linked in late for #IBOT and felt so guilty because I didn't get to at least 98% of the blogs - yes, that is how many I try to comment on.  Generally I don't comment on giveaways, reviews or recipes.  Honestly, I haven't posted because I have been too busy trying to comment - maybe I have this blogging thing around the wrong way - maybe I should post when I have something to say and comment when I can ? 

Do you comment before you blog or write your

post and then comment on other blogs ?

 

TFTD : Dare to reach into the darkness, to pull someone else into the light. Remember, strong people stand up for themselves, but stronger people stand up for others too, and lend a hand when they’re able.

 

Pink Concert

I wasn't even going to post this week because I thought that there was no way I would have enough time to get a post written before the end of Tuesday to link in for #IBOT with Essentially Jess - but it turns out I was wrong !!!

I know I have been quiet and I want to thank those people who have been popping over to see if I have had anything to say - I haven't - for two reasons - work has been absolutely manic and in the evenings I have been spending time with A while he is home.  We also seem to have had a whole bunch of people over at various times and it seemed like ages that I was in the kitchen the whole time !!

Celebrations for the Suns win over Collingwood are now over !

The birthday celebrations are now out the way !

A's training course and 'working day when he is supposed to be off' is out the way !

Tomorrow he is having some more cancers cut out of his nose that they didn't get the last time.  Unfortunately I can't be there as I had a bank audit booked in two months ago so luckily my folks can take him and then drop him back home again.

Now to the exciting news of Pink's concert last night - a belated birthday present.

It was fantastic !  She is such a performer - so athletic and agile.  It was just lovely watching her.  I said to A that I could see how much she had matured from her early days.  She has definitely taken to motherhood so well.

I wasn't as taken with her costumes at this concert as I was at the last one. I thought that she could have done more with her costumes this time and they looked a bit like things she had just pulled out of somewhere quickly on her way to the show.  Having said that, they certainly didn't detract from her show or how absolutely fantastic she is.

The camera on my phone did not do her justice in any shots and this was the clearest I could find to use.  She is singing in the little 'step out stage' with only the guitar.

 

I did think that she would have sung more songs from her Truth About Love album but that is neither here nor there.

I think that all her concerts are sold out but if you get a chance to pick up a ticket from someone who has a ticket but can't go for some reason, take it with both hands - it certainly is a great way to spend an evening !

 

The Kin, which were her support act, were also very good. They had amazing voices but I didn't particularly like they way they ended a few of their songs - that was a little strange. But on the whole, they certainly were good to listen to for most of their songs.

 

I'll be back next week once A has gone back to Townsville - take care !

 

TFTD : No matter how much negativity is thrown at YOU by others, there is absolutely no need for you to stay put and partake in the decay they choose for their own lives. YOU decide how your soul grows.

Being Nice To Me

A few weeks ago, I looked at my phone and saw the words in red of this tweet on the front of my phone :

You have been saying mean things about my friend all day! First on your blog, now this! Enough!

I was absolutely horrified - what mean things had I said about anybody ?  I try really hard to be supportive and encouraging when I tweet / FB / post blogs and, as much as I wracked my brains, I couldn't think of anything I had posted where I had been mean to anyone.

And then I read the whole tweet.

And then I knew who I had been mean to.

I had been mean to me.

I had said things that were not supportive of me.

I had said things that did not encourage me.

I had said things that were mean and nasty about me.

And it wasn't right - how come I can be so supportive and encouraging of others and yet so destructive of myself ?  

Is it because I think others are more worthy of my support and encouragement than I am ?

I don't know.  But, what I do know is that I made a decision - to try really, really hard to be nice to myself.

To support and encourage myself.

To not put myself down.

And to give myself the boost that I need when I need it.  Not in a "I love myself and look how good I am" kind of way, but in the same way that I support and encourage those in my village.

Are there times when I will forget ?  Absolutely.

Is this OK ?  Yes, so long as I realise when I am doing it and turn it around.

On Saturday night I saw this on The Warm Fuzzies FB page and it was just so appropriate, I had to use it in this post.

Source

Seeing as it's Tuesday, I am linking in with Essentially Jess for #IBOT.

Why not pop over and read some amazing posts ?

Why not join in ?

TFTD : Stop expecting others to show you love, acceptance, commitment and respect when you don't even show that to yourself. 



I Must Confess

This week I am joining in with Kirsty from My Home Truths and, even if there was a prompt this week, I wouldn't need it because this has been weighing on my mind since Friday and I need to get it off my chest.  I have fallen off the Guns, Buns and Abs Challenge !!

On Friday, my lower back was sore and I thought I would skip the leg lifts but do the squats and push-ups - I didn't.  I got home and A got home soon after and I spent the evening sitting on the couch with him.

On Saturday - we got up and had breakfast.  Went off to an osteo appointment and then drove around looking at houses.  We got home, had dinner and spent the evening on the couch watching footy and cricket.

On Sunday - we got up, had breakfast and A did the pre-course reading that he had to for the course he is on Monday - Wednesday this week.  I sat and watched Grey's and crocheted.  When he was finished we went to Flight Centre to pick up our docs for our holiday to Tasmania, only to find that one of the flights had had a time change so instead of leaving Launceston at 2pm - we were leaving at 9.30am - so we landed up changing our flight home to the following day - and then had to change our car hire and insurance - and the guy who booked it all for us wasn't in, so none of that could be finalised.  So we left there and A wanted to look at buying me some more warm clothes as the stuff we bought when we went to NZ won't fit me. I won't spend any more money on clothes that I will use for just over two weeks.  I did land up getting a pair of thermal pants that were on special for $15.  From there we went down to Currumbin Valley to look at properties - found a couple of places but considering they ranged in price from $1,2m to $1,750m - as nice as they were, they are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of our price range (which is a little sad as the one especially looked just perfect for all of us !!!)  Oh well, we will continue to look.

Had to stop at KMart to get bricketts for the fire as A was cooking a pork roast.  I spent a fair bit of the afternoon sleeping in the car - we got home and I went and got into bed and A woke me up at about 7pm to say that dinner was ready.  He had cooked the veggies, warmed up some of the roast veggies from last night and done the pork - he really is a keeper this guy !!!!!

Anyway, that was that - after eating dinner there was no ways I was going to do 115 squats, 12 push ups and 75 leg lifts so another day passed with no exercise from me.

I'd like to say that from today I will be back into the swing of things, but I'm not sure.  Am thinking I need to get some help and motivation from somewhere.  Maybe I should try to rope A into doing the exercise with me.  He has done really well and has lost just on 10kgs in the 4 weeks since he left home - if I didn't love him so much I would hate him for being able to just cut out sugar / soft drinks and lose weight like that !!!!!!  I love that he is losing the weight because it will be so much better for him but hate that I am trying so hard and putting the weight on.  Again, it's something I just have to accept until we work out why I am putting the weight on and then change things so that it comes off instead.

Have a great week and look after yourselves !

Have you got something to confess ?

Why not join in with Kirsty at

My Home Truths ?

 

TFTD : Growth is impossible without change. And if you cannot change your mind, you cannot change anything in your life. Sometimes you need to look at things from a different perspective.

Things I Know About Depression

It's Friday which means it's time to link up with MC at The Miss Cinders for Things I Know - because we do all know something !!  Today I am also linking in with FYBF over at With Some Grace.

I am going through menopause (just in case you have been living under a rock and are new to my blog !!!) - and it hasn't been pretty !  In fact, it's been bloody awful.  But, hey, it's the luck of the draw - some people go through some cr*p, some people don't even know they have been through it and some people go through hell for a few years !  I think I fall into the category of  'going through some cr*p' - it could have been better but I figure, it probably could have been a sh*t load worse as well !

After putting on about 25kgs in 5 months, my hormone doctor (aka as Maxine the cartoon character although really known as Maura) who had not put me on the anti-depressants in the first place, said that they may be responsible for my weight gain.  I asked to come off them and she gave me a schedule to follow to come off them at the right rate.  I did this.  And 5 weeks after coming off them I have put on another 5 kgs.  So, after being off the anti-depressants for 5 weeks, having cut out sugar, wheat and dairy, I am still putting on weight - go figure !

Yes, I am not exercising as much as I was - pretty much because I am struggling with my knees and all the extra weight I am carrying so I have been working on the Guns, Buns and Abs Challenge each day.  I am now on day 11 and still going strong although, the last 10 squats and 5 leg lifts nearly killed me tonight.

So, back to what I know - stopping the anti-depressants has not helped my weight.  BUT, I have felt great.  In fact, apart from 2 or 3 days during the past 5 weeks, I have felt better than I did when I was taking the anti-depressants. So, in my mind, I am doing well.  I am off the anti-depressants.  I feel great.  I'm doing well.  Not so fast.  There was one day last week when I spent more of the day hiding behind my computer screens crying than I spent actually producing any work.  OK - that is one bad day - everyone has a bad day.

Fast forward to this week.  On Wednesday, the lady that I work with, told me that I had been too quiet and no fun in the office.  Yes, I had been busy trying to reconcile a stupid tax account - and, when I had balanced it, worked out that the entry I have to process, will balance this account but put another tax account out - oh great !  Today, I was driving to work listening to the news on the radio - and crying !  Why ? I have absolutely no idea.  I just felt like I had to cry.  I held it together most of the day at work but did think that maybe I should see if I could get an appointment with Maxine because I haven't seen her for a while.

Got there and had to wait forever because she was running late - as most drs do !!  But when I went in to see her, she asked how I was and I just burst into tears.  Feeling like I huge sook, I said "I'm fine thank you" and she just laughed and passed me a tissue !  I told her how well I had been but that I had had one day of crying last week and just didn't feel that flash today.  I told her I wasn't depressed. I didn't feel like I couldn't cope. I didn't want to curl up in a ball and let the world pass me by.  She told me that just because I didn't feel like that didn't mean I wasn't depressed.  It just meant that I wasn't on the really bad end of being depressed.  She told me not to be ashamed of it. I told her that I wasn't.  I told her that I had been feeling really really good except for the couple of days of being weepy.

She said that I seemed to her to be very fragile and she is worried that if we don't do something to help smooth things over, I may land up feeling like I did want to curl up in a ball and let the world pass me by.  She has prescribed a different anti-depressant for me - one which she assures me will not put on weight.  And, she has recommended that I see a dietician because clearly there is something that is not working for me if I am basically eating a paleo diet and still putting on weight.

I called A when I left there to tell him what she had said - I'm not sure how much of the conversation he could actually follow because I was sobbing and coughing and gulping during the whole conversation.  Honestly, that man deserves a medal for putting up with me.  I asked him if he would rather stay in Townsville tomorrow instead of coming home if I was going to be like this.  He replied with his stock standard - For better, for worse, we are together.  And then said that maybe he was just banking brownie points in case he ever gets depressed.  I had to laugh - he is the last person I would imagine would ever suffer from depression !!!  He is all for me dealing with my health issues and getting them sorted out before I worry about my weight - I figure that my weight is such a big part of my life, it's hard for me to put it to one side and just say I will get back to it later.

While the number on the scale isn't the thing that dictates my life, you'd have to be completely blind not to notice that my clothes are getting smaller and my butt/legs/arms/stomach are getting bigger.  I have tried to find jeans in bigger sizes - I cannot find any comfortable ones anywhere.  Tonight I found two short sleeve tops at Katie's and one 3/4 sleeve light jacket at Target.  But jeans - none to be found.  Not even a pair at Katie's in their 'flatten your tummy, lift your butt, hide your muffin top' range. I left that shop with tears running down my face.  Thank goodness for late night shopping so it was dark and nobody could see me !!!!

I know that I will get through this because I have the most amazing support system.  A is my absolute rock.   I haven't said much to K about it because she is starting up her studies again and I know is a little anxious about that - once she has settled into them I will talk to her about it.  My on-line friends are just fantastic. I know that I only have to put something on twitter and I will have a reply pretty soon from someone offering support - even if it is only a comment on twitter that makes me laugh.  I truly am very blessed.  So , with that thought of support and understanding, I will continue to tackle this b*itch called menopause and try not to make everyone's life too miserable !!

On a brighter note, I know that :
- A will be home later today - YAY !
- my brother turns 50 on 17th July - how did he get to be so old ?
- I turn 48 on 21st July - how did I get to be so old ?
- we are going to see Pink on 22nd July - can't wait for this - her last concert was amazing !
- we are going on holiday to Tasmania on 12th August - hope I have enough warm clothing !
- we don't have to go back to work until 2nd September - unless we win Lotto, in which case I won't be going back to work !

Have the best day !!!

Why not link in with Miss Cinders

with what you do know ?
Or with FYBF over at With Some Grace ?



TFTD :  You are not what you have done.  You are what you have overcome.

 

Thankful Thursday

It's Thursday which means it's time to join in with Francesca at Francesca Writes Here for the easy linky of "What I Am Thankful For" :

Source

 

- free images from morgueFile free photos

 

- a wonderful Friday evening with my lovely 'imaginary' on-line friends (for everyone who is an actual person, apparently there are a heap of imaginary friends as, sometimes, people who have no experience with SM, don't believe that there are actual people on the other side of our tweets/FB posts/blog posts - LOL.  My 'imaginary' friends of some of the nicest on earth !!!)

- blog ideas that I get in the middle of the night and write down in the little book next to my bed (now if I could just actually read what I wrote down, that would be really helpful and I'd have more to be thankful for !!!)

- enough yarn to keep my hands active during the evenings when I am watching TV - I am so enjoying making these blankets and I hope that there will be moms and babies somewhere who are thankful for them !

Have the best day !

What are you thankful for today ?

Why don't you join in over at

Francesca Writes Here ?

 

 

TFTD : The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.

Today I Am Shattered

Yesterday was not the best day that I have had at work.  I had a real bugger of a tax account to balance and when I finally managed to get it to balance, the entries I have to post to fix it up create another (small) problem in a second tax account !!!  I wish I was clever enough to fudge the figures and make them both balance !!!!!

Yesterday I got home from work, had a bath and read my book - wish I could get it finished - can't wait to see there the story is going.  Got into my pj's and spent the evening on the couch - first watching Red Widow (which I had recorded and hadn't seen before) and then with first baseball on the TV and then the music channel which I caught up on blogs.  At about 1.15am I finally got to the end of the #IBOT and my Bloglovin' posts and I went to bed.

I read until about 2am - then switched the light off.  At 3am I was still awake so I read until about 3.30am - then saw the clock at about 4am. 4.20, 4.50, 5.22 and then the alarm woke me at 6am - I am not a morning person at the best of times - I was so not a morning person today.  At least K wasn't awake to see me and the dogs are always glad to see me no matter what I look / feel like !!!!!

I think reading blogs that late at night left me with too much 'stuff' going around my head but I didn't want to stop until I had read them all - I try to get at least 98-99% of them read and commented on.  Give-aways and recipes generally don't interest me so I normally skip those ones but otherwise I try to read and comment on all the others - bad mistake last night - I probably should just do it over a couple of nights and not try to do it all in one sitting !!!

While I was trying to sleep I kept on having these 'great' ideas for future blogs and so switched the light on and wrote them down. I am sure that, at the time, they seemed like absolutely brilliant ideas, but given that in some I am now battling to actually read what I wrote, I figure they may not have been such a great ideas at all !!!

I only managed 45 squats and 10 pushups - so have left me book when I track my exercise out to remind me to finish them off when I get home from work tonight.  K is cooking so I am looking forward to another lazy evening of watching TV and crocheting !!!!

Have the best day !

TFTD : You must uncover the good in the bad, the happy in your sad, the gain in your pain, and what makes you grateful not hateful.

#vvow

What can I say, where do I start the debrief of the latest #vvow ? 

Firstly I think I should apologise for getting locked out of our party !!!  I did know about there being a daily limit of tweets because it has happened before (in my defence, it wasn't me that it happened to the last time !!!).  What I didn't know what (a) how many tweets per day we were allowed and (b) that I would ever get anywhere near that magic number of 1,000.  Now if I am totally honest, I didn't think I got anywhere near 1,000 tweets for the day (or even the 24 hr period leaving up to #vvow) but you better believe that next time we have a #vvow evening, I am going to cut down my tweets from the prior night and during the day leading up to #vvow (unless, of course, I completely forget about the limit, and land up getting locked out again because I have over-tweeted trying to keep up with all the conversations on the go !!)

I don't know about anyone else but I had A GREAT TIME (until I got locked out and then I had a sucky time following those who were left !!!).  Unfortunately we had a few sick children around so not everyone could make it all night - hopefully next time the children will all play along nicely and stay healthy and go to sleep when they should.  (BTW I am not suggesting for a minute that the children chose to disrupt the evening - it just happens - I get that !!!)  I also hope that all the little kiddlies are well and happy little vegemites by now !!

There were a few different tipples on offer - my favourite was Amarula (of course), we had some vodka, some wine, sugar free creaming soda, breakfast martini (apparently not as good as previously made).  And then cups of tea made an appearance.

I have just scrolled through the #vvow and realised how I really hi-jacked the conversations going - next time we have one, please would someone tell me to be quiet !!!!!!  Sorry - didn't mean to hop into everything like that !  (Maybe I did actually use all 1,000 tweets up last night !!!!)

But the conversations flowed - from what we were all drinking to what we were doing the next day - explanations of what #vvow was and how it all started - to what we were watching on TV and sick children - seemed to be a fair amount of pooping and vomiting happening (and I was so pleased that none of it was happening in my home - I don't do either of those very well at all !!!).  The conversation moved onto the topic of onsies and pj's and exercising.  Discussions were had regarding tweeting on the phone vs tweeting on a computer.  Children were put to bed.  Teletubbies were watched on TV.  Candy Crush came up for discussion as did AFL and the Lions/Suns game  - especially the plight of the Suns given Gary Ablett's calf injury !!!  Holidays were discussed and moving house.  How to wake children up when school goes back vs how late they sleep during their holidays provided some more points for discussion.  There may have been a few other topics that were covered but I can't remember them and I can't find them in my scrolling through #vvow !!!!

At one point we were trending second behind #LoneRangerAU and then at another point we were in first place (but I didn't get a photo of it before we dropped back to second again !!!)  The next morning we were in fourth position (clearly there wasn't much happening around the world otherwise there is no way our little #vvow party would have trended that high !!!) and, while this was not the aim of the party, it was kind of cool !!!!!

(Just imagine that a copy of the photo I took to show us trending second behind #LoneRangerAU is posted here - and if you really want to see it you can go to Instagram on my account @kal20m.  I have, once again, been challenged on a technical issue and cannot, for the life of me, or anyone else, figure out how I can get the photo from Instagram to here.  I have tried copying it and mailing it and sharing it and it gives me heaps of different options to choose from, none of which are "Paste this photo to this blog." !!)  So, if you don't have an Instagram account or don't want to hop over and have a look at it, you'll just have to take my word for it !!!

Again, I want to apologise for how many tweets I actually put out there on Friday night - it was only while scrolling through #vvow that I saw how vocal I was the whole night !!!  I suppose the up side is that it means I am really comfy with all of you (like as comfy as Maxine says !!!), otherwise I would have sat quietly, at home, by myself and not said anything (oh wait, I was by myself some of the time !!!  Well, you know what I mean !)

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I want to say a HUGE BIG THANK YOU to everyone who took part in #vvow and helped make it the success (that I think) it was !!! Thank you to @FrancescaBlogs who helped promote it but sadly, couldn't spend as much time chatting due to a sick MissyMoo.  I certainly had a great evening. 

 

It's funny because A called after I had been locked out of #vvow, and said that he had been lying in the bath thinking, this time last week, L (Me) had been up in Townsville and this time next week, he would be home.  Sadly it looks like he won't be able to make it to the Pink concert, so I may have a ticket up for grabs to her concert on Monday 22nd July in Brisbane.  We thought he would be able to make it as we had bought the tickets as part of my birthday present but I thought that the concert was the day before my birthday and not the day after - and, because we are going to Tassie on 12th August, he isn't able to ask to stay down a day longer :(   As cr*ppy as my trip to Townsville was the weekend before last, it certainly did help to break up the 4 weeks that he is normally away.  I won't be travelling up there for a while as he won't be pulling anymore 4 week stints away until we get back from Tassie - YAY !!!

 

It's Tuesday which means it's the day to join in with Essentially Jess for #IBOT.  Why not join in if you have a post on your blog today ?

 

Did you take part in #vvow ?

Did you enjoy it ?
Would you join in again if we had another #vvow evening ?

 

TFTD : It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.

 



I Must Confess ...... I Love

lazy days !  I love not HAVING to do anything and just being able to do what I want to do, when I want to do it.

Yesterday I had a bit of a run around.  Off to the shops in the morning. Then catching up with a friend with a 3yr old (enough said - I don't 'do' little children very well - especially not badly behaved little children !!!) and then catching up with friends for dinner in the evening.  I felt like I was running around the whole day until I got home from dinner at about 10pm when I sat down in front of the TV with my (A's ?) laptop and my crocheting.  I watched Wimbledon but had to go to bed when the Men's Doubles final was at set all - I just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer (and given that it was 2.30am I suppose they were entitled to feel like they should be closed !!!)

I woke this morning at 6.20 and had a (small) panic attack because I hadn't heard K get up to go to SES for the GC Marathon (she was supposed to leave at 5am) - dashed through to her room and obviously she did leave at 5am because her bed was empty !!!  Went back to bed and slept until about 8am.  Got up and did my 80 squats and 55 leg lifts before having breakfast and a shower.

And then the day was mine. I should have gone to the shops to get a battery for the smoke alarm but the thought of going there just for one battery was enough to make me just stop at the library to return two (very) overdue books before coming home.  I did stop off to visit with BIL and SIL - and that was nice as I haven't seen them for a while.

After I got home, I put my heaven clothes on, got under the blanket and spent the rest of the day on the couch in front of the TV - footy games started and ended and started and ended again, I slept, I read, I blogged, I tweeted, I facebooked - and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

And, best of all, I didn't feel guilty.  I did feel sorry for those people not as lucky as me, but there is nothing I can do to change their circumstances, and not making the most of my circumstances won't change theirs.  If they have little children, their time of peace and quiet will come.  My SIL was saying this morning that we work hard during the week we shouldn't feel guilty about having down time on the weekend and I totally agree with her.  (Please know that I am not saying others don't work hard during the week - it's just that our circumstances are different.)

Tonight, if I can actually get out from under the nice cosy blanket, we are going to have roast veggies for dinner and, if I do get up and make them, I'm going to make enough for at least another one or two meals during the week !!!

As an aside, only 5 sleeps until A is home again - going to see him mid-way through his rotation really makes a huge difference.

Joining in with Rhianna from A Parenting Life  (who is standing in for the lovely Kirsty at My Home Truths who has gone away for a well deserved break ) for I Must Confess.  The prompt this week was "Which blogs do you love" (or words to that effect) but there is no way I could list the blogs I love and possibly offend someone if I leave them off - so call me a coward but I am going to dodge this bullet and go with the fact that I love a lazy day !!!!

Have the best week and take care !

Why not pop over and see who else is confessing this week ?

TFTD : Loving someone should not mean losing YOU. True love empowers you, it doesn’t erase you.

Things I Know

It's Friday (do I hear a whole bunch of TGIF's ????  Cos there is certainly a HUGE shout of that from me !!) which means that it is time to link up with Miss Cinders for the Things I Know linky because, as MC always tells us, we all know sh*t.

And this week I know that I had a bad day on Wednesday but one e-mail turned my perception of my day around and it turned out to be a pretty cool day !

I know that I am SOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to #vvow tonight.  During yesterday I was tweeting about #vvow and how much I am looking forward to it and asked the question if it was silly or sad that I was so looking forward to it ?  I got the following reply "I was trying to explain it to Miss 6 this morning and it sounded really sad!"  To which I replied "I think maybe it is only sad if we think it is sad !!! Maybe we should choose to think of it as fun and a safe way to drink!"  That made me spend a fair bit of the afternoon (because, hey it was better than trying to finalise a budget !!)thinking about my perception of things.  At the end of the day, things are what they are, and it is only my perception that affects me.  I totally get that there are times when 'things' become over whelming - I honestly felt like that yesterday because there was nothing specific that was worrying me, but there was enough 'stuff' that made me spend a fair bit of my day, hiding behind my computer monitors, crying ! Maybe I didn't try hard enough to see the positives in the day - the sunshine outside, the healthy family that I have, the sauna that I was working in - OK that wasn't really a positive.  Or maybe I just have to accept that there are days when things feel a bit cr*ppy and that is OK too.

I know that I am looking forward to catching up with a friend on Saturday for a chat - this is my friend who makes me laugh so much that when we leave each other my stomach absolutely aches !

I know that I am looking forward to catching up with an ex-boss on Saturday night - we haven't seen each other for absolutely ages and things have changed heaps for her since we last spoke - I am sure that we will have lots to talk about.

I know that I am going to be going to visit my BIL and SIL who live just around the corner from me on Sunday morning because the Gold Coast Marathon runs past our home and I can't go out in the car but I can walk around to their place.

I know that keeping busy over the weekend is good for me.  I feel that I am starting to become a bit of a hermit - if I am not going to work and have done the grocery shopping, I don't want to go out anywhere because I am so embarrassed by my size.  I know that this is how it is for now.  I know that there is nothing more that I can do to change my weight BUT that doesn't make it any easier for me to accept.  I know that it is just a number on the scale but even if I didn't see that number every day, I would be able to tell from my clothes that my weight is not doing what it should be doing.  Cutting out sugar, wheat and dairy should not see me put on close to 30kgs in approx. 6 months.  I know that there have been times when sugar has crept back into my diet but not to the extent of 30kgs worth !! That is something that I do know for sure !!

I know that I am looking forward to a quiet day at work - with only me in the office - and plenty of time to work through budgets and end of financial year stuff !

I know that if I don't cut up the coconut rough it lasts a lot longer !

What do you know this week ?

Why not share it over at Miss Cinders ?

TFTD : If we counted our blessings instead of our money, we would all be a lot richer.

Have the B.E.S.T weekend and don't forget about #vvow tonight - 8pm on Twitter - wear your pj's / most comfy clothes - and be ready to laugh !

Thankful Thursday

Today, being Thursday, means it's Thankful Thursday linky day with Francesca from Francesca Writes Here - a great linky because there is always something to be thankful for - even if sometimes we think that it is all turning to sh*t and there is NOTHING to be thankful for !

As per my post on Tuesday, I was definitely not thankful for the weekend that was in Townsville.
But, I am thankful for getting to spend so much time with A - I can't believe how much I miss him when we aren't together.

I am not thankful for the poor sleep that I have been getting - this was supposed to be the HUGE plus of A not being here, I wouldn't have to put up with his snoring.
But, I am thankful for Alfie and Rosie who, at 1.45 in the morning, are happy to leave their nice warm bed under the bar, and come inside and sleep on their inside blanket in the corner of my room because I am feeling like a big wuss and didn't want to be inside by myself.

I am not thankful about having to change out of my pj's last night to go and get K from the airport at 10pm 'cos they are so nice and comfy and I didn't want to embarrass her by arriving to collect her from the airport in my pj's (just in case I had to get out the car !!).
But, I am thanful that she is home again and I will once again, have some company when she isn't out with her friends / SES / work / studying !!!

I am not thankful for the cr*ppy day I had yesterday.  Hiding behind a computer screen because I was crying so often is not the best or most productive way to spend the day !
But, I am thankful for the lovely e-mail that I received, from a lady I have never met, who has started a FB page called The Warm Fuzzies asking me about Project Brighten Someone's Day.  And with that e-mail I told her about the project and then I realised that my day wasn't that bad after all.

I am not thankful for the fact that I was lazy when I got home and so didn't land up cooking dinner.
But, I am thankful that I made my breakfast smoothies and then had one of those for dinner which is so very much better for me that anything else I would have had i.e. a couple of cans of Coke !!!!

What are you thankful for today ?

Why not join in with Francesca and share

your thankfulness with all of us ?

 

Have the best day and hang in there, it is nearly the weekend !

 

TFTD : When life gives you every reason to be negative, think of one good reason to be positive. There's always something to be grateful for.

#vvow

Francesca from Francesca Writes Here has blogged about our #vvow evening which we are having on Twitter this week - AND YOU ARE ALL INVITED !!!!

Where : On Twitter in the comfort of your own home

When :  Friday, 5th July 2013

Time : 8pm AEST

What To Bring : Whatever you want to eat, drink and be merry with

What To Wear : Whatever you are comfortable in - or, in the words of Janet from Redland City Living heaven pants

Compulsory activities : Have fun (OK, it isn't compulsory but the last two #vvow nights that we have had (even though the first one wasn't called #vvow) have been so much fun it's hard to be there and NOT have fun)

So - we will see you, on twitter, at 8pm, this Friday, for a fun filled evening of chatting to 'imaginary' online friends.  You can always get in touch with Francesca or myself if you have any questions (although really, it's unlikely you will have any seeing as it is only a virtual get together on twitter !!!!)

BE THERE IF YOU DARE !

 

TFTD : Sometimes falling flat on your face is exactly what’s needed to help you see things from a totally different perspective, and get back on track.

You Can Change

If you are a regular reader of my blog you will know that I went up to Townsville this weekend to see A - in the middle of his 4 week roster away from home.  Well about an hour after I left Brisbane, he received a phone call to say that he would have to do call testing the whole weekend.  After "Hullo Love, how are you ? Thank you so much for coming up to see me" -his next words were "I just got a phone call to say that I have to work the whole weekend."  I said that it was OK, so long as we could spend the time together (not really sure that it was OK but not wanting to rock the boat just after landing there !!!).  We went to his unit and then walked to the local hotel to have ribs for dinner - talking nineteen to the dozen and catching up on stuff that we never seemed to talk about on the phone.

At 5.45 (earlier than I get up during the week !!!) we were up and moving on our way to Ayr where A had to pick up an inverter and drop off something with another tech.  Then we were on our way to Bowen where he had 'on the job' training for about 90mins for the work he had to do over the weekend.  As I have said before - they couldn't organise a p*ss up in a brewery ! 

I couldn't believe the amount of roadkill on the road - I haven't seen anything like that in my travels around the country - in fact the last time I had seen that much roadkill was back in South Africa !!!

Then we drove back to Ayr to start the data testing !!!  Six and a half hours later we had not completed one test - it turns out that the transmitters he had been given to do the testing with, did not have the latest software loaded.  Of course they didn't !

We couldn't move as they had to be in the same place while the new software was loaded.  By the time we could move it was close to 8.30 and I was getting just a little bit cranky.  A was very apologetic even though I kept telling him that it wasn't his fault.  We got home just on 9.30 and it was all I could do to have a spa and get into bed.  We landed up having a ice-cream and a bottle of coke for dinner !

We were up at about 6.15 the next morning and set off for Ayr.  If I was frustrated on Saturday, Sunday pushed the bounds of my patience like they have never been pushed before.  I have always had a very high regard for A and his work ethic and a rather low regard for the company he works for.  Sunday saw my admiration of him rise even more while my thoughts regarding the company he works for, drop even lower.  To say that the one hand does not know what the other hand is doing is a total under statement.  We were sent from one project to the other only to get there, get everything set up and then be told to go back to the first project.  His powers of patience are to be commended because I told him that if I was him I would have told them to take their job and shove it long before now - how he has not done this I have no idea !

So, not only do they not know what they want him to do, they have sent him down to work on the project that he has no training in (bar the 90mins he had on Saturday morning) and then they complain because the testing is taking so long.  I would bet my bottom dollar that not one of them has ever done any field work so trying to find a spot within 100m of a pin on google earth (where there are no road names so if anyone can tell me how to get road names on google earth I would really appreciate it), then get another two figures within specific parameters all while driving a car - yes, it takes a while to find the exact spot they want.  And then when you find the spot, it isn't his fault if the test doesn't pass - he didn't lay the fibres or do the rigging work in the first place !!!! He is just there doing the testing.  Ringing a gazillion times to ask how it is going will not get you a quicker answer - in fact it only slows the process down.  Getting three other people to phone to ask how the testing is going, doesn't speed up the process either - all we could do was set the test to run and then wait for it to pass and when it didn't, set it to run again because apparently if the test fails, and you try it at least another 4 or 5 times, it may pass after that !

A wanted to leave Ayr by 4pm, I said 5pm - eventually we left at 5.20pm and managed to get me to the airport with about 5 mins to spare.  I did feel particularly 'boganess' when I climbed out the ute in my 3/4 jeans, T-shirt and thongs - carrying the cr*p that I had had in the front of the car with me that needed to go in my suitcase, opening said suitcase on the side of the pavement to pack everything in and then running across the road pulling my carry on bag, my bag over my shoulder and my boots in my hand !!!!  I got through security, dashed into the toilet for a pee and to put my longs and jeans on only to find I had left my jumper in the car ! Heading into Brisbane on a cold, wet and windy night was not my idea of fun !!  But, my folks were there to collect me and take me home (if only Dad had turned the aircon down just a little I probably wouldn't have frozen quite so much !!!)

After dropping me at the airport,  A went and got a change of clothes, drove the hour back to Ayr, and worked until 12.30am to get the site over the line before the end of the financial year (well technically it wasn't before but they were happy to accept it as before).  He then stayed the night with some of the riggers who had a place not to far from Ayr to save him from having to drive back to Townsville.  He was back on site at 7am only to get a phone call from the OH&S guy saying that he had broken all sorts of OH&S rules and he had to go home.  Honestly - there is no pleasing that company.  They are only allowed one techy to do call testing even though it is unsafe i.m.o. given how you have to drive around looking at the computer screen trying to see if you are in the right spot or not, the boss basically told him he had to go and do it and now they are saying he was practising unsafe OH&S procedures - go figure !! Again, I take my hat off to him and my admiration for his coolness grows and grows because, if it had of been me, I would have probably lost the plot with the OH&S guy and landed up getting fired !!

On our way back to Townsville on Sunday (after having tried to change my flight and not being able to because the next flight was Monday night at 6.55pm) we were talking about the weekend.  A apologised, again, and I told him, again, that it wasn't his fault.  He really did go out of his way to make sure that I was as comfortable and well taken care of as I could be in the circumstances.  I apologised for getting a little cranky on Saturday night and he laughed and said it was nothing - he had expected a lot worse from me.  He was thinking about the wife he left behind when he first went to Townsville, or the wife he used to have about 5-6 years ago - the one who wasn't very flexible about things, the one who liked to know exactly what was going to happen and when it was going to happen, the one that you didn't spring surprises on because she couldn't deal with things not being ordered, the one who lived and died by lists and doing what was on those lists.  What he has instead is a wife who is much more flexible, who realises that plans change and life is about going with the flow and not stressing when things don't turn out quite like planned, who accepts that sometimes we can't control what happens to us, we can only control how we react.

You can change who you are - you can change how you do things - you can change your perception of things because if I can do it, anyone can do it - you just have to want to do it.

How much do you like who you are and how much

would you like to change ?

And if there are things you would like to change,

why haven't you ?

 

Because it is Tuesday that means it is time to join in with Jess from Essentially Jess for #IBOT.  Have you joined in today ?

Have the best week E.V.E.R. !!

 

TFTD : Time decides who you meet in your life. Your heart decides who you want in your life. But your behavior decides who will stay in your life.

I Must Confess

This week I am joining in with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess because I need to get this off my chest (OK, I have already got it off my chest to A) but in order to be held more accountable and, given he doesn't live at home much, I thought I would put it out there.

A few months ago I started a paleo lifestyle, at the instigation of my doctor when she told me that I would more than likely become diabetic within 5 years if I didn't do something about it.  So I went cold turkey - cut out wheat, sugar and dairy.  There was the odd occasion when I felt like an ice-cold Coke and I would generally wait a night or two and if I still felt like it, I would have it, and savour every single drop of it.  I found this rather strange as I have, as a rule, not been a Coke girl - I drank Coke Zero for many years and then swopped to Pepsi Max and couldn't stomach 'real' Coke.

I have made coconut rough and chocolate fudge, chocolate cake and banana and nut muffins - all in an attempt to make me feel like I wasn't missing out on any of the 'nice' things to eat.  And they are nice, make no mistake BUT they are not sugar, nor do they contain sugar.

I like sugar.  I like how it tastes.  I like the things that are made of sugar.  I would rather have dessert than dinner.  I do not like how sugar makes me feel.  But, as I have mentioned before, I don't handle sugar very well.  When I have something with sugar in, I generally crash about 20-30 mins later and will sleep for a good 4-5 hrs if given the chance.

Since A has been away, and more especially while K was away house-sitting, my eating has gone to absolute cr*p.  I would make one big wok of stir fry on a Monday night and then take it to work for lunch every day.  Dinner became carrot sticks and dip, or dry wors if I could be bothered to go out to Coomera to buy some, or Coke.  Yes, you read that right - I would have one can, then another, then another and finally another - and none of them even really touched sides - I would skull them all - and then be too full to eat anything (funny that, hey !!!???)  On Friday I stopped at Bakers Delight and bought two croissants for breakfast.  We stopped at Stapleton on the way to the airport and I had a muffin for lunch.  Got to Townsville and we went to the local hotel and had ribs and chips for dinner.  I had sugar overload badly on Friday.  My body didn't like it one little bit.  Why do I do this to myself ?  I know I am going to feel cr*p afterwards - I could hardly keep a conversation going with K on the way to the airport as I was so out of it from the sugar, and nodding off in the passenger seat,

Honestly, I have absolutely no idea what has happened to the good eating habits that I used to have but what I do know is that I have to find them soon.  I am hoping to use our holiday as motivation to eat right and get moving and I am hoping that, having made this confession, my village will hold me accountable for what I do (or don't do) moving forward.  I know that I need to be held accountable somewhere and with spending so much time by myself, it is too easy to just eat and drink what I want when I want it.  A is doing so well with losing weight - while he doesn't know how much he has lost because he doesn't have a scale up there, I could certainly see it and when I asked him about it he said that he has had to pull his belt in to the next hole.  I am SOOOOOOOO happy for him although I am just sorry that he had to get a health scare like this to make him do what he needs to do.  Either way, I'm extremely proud of the progress that he has made.

I will try to post about how I am doing but if you don't read anything, please feel free to ask how I am going and kick my butt if that is what I need !!!!

Have the best week and thanks to Kirsty for hosting this linky !!!

TFTD : No matter how much it hurts now, someday you will look back and realise your struggles changed your life for the better.