Things I Know

It's Friday (do I hear a whole bunch of TGIF's ????  Cos there is certainly a HUGE shout of that from me !!) which means that it is time to link up with Miss Cinders for the Things I Know linky because, as MC always tells us, we all know sh*t.

And this week I know that I had a bad day on Wednesday but one e-mail turned my perception of my day around and it turned out to be a pretty cool day !

I know that I am SOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to #vvow tonight.  During yesterday I was tweeting about #vvow and how much I am looking forward to it and asked the question if it was silly or sad that I was so looking forward to it ?  I got the following reply "I was trying to explain it to Miss 6 this morning and it sounded really sad!"  To which I replied "I think maybe it is only sad if we think it is sad !!! Maybe we should choose to think of it as fun and a safe way to drink!"  That made me spend a fair bit of the afternoon (because, hey it was better than trying to finalise a budget !!)thinking about my perception of things.  At the end of the day, things are what they are, and it is only my perception that affects me.  I totally get that there are times when 'things' become over whelming - I honestly felt like that yesterday because there was nothing specific that was worrying me, but there was enough 'stuff' that made me spend a fair bit of my day, hiding behind my computer monitors, crying ! Maybe I didn't try hard enough to see the positives in the day - the sunshine outside, the healthy family that I have, the sauna that I was working in - OK that wasn't really a positive.  Or maybe I just have to accept that there are days when things feel a bit cr*ppy and that is OK too.

I know that I am looking forward to catching up with a friend on Saturday for a chat - this is my friend who makes me laugh so much that when we leave each other my stomach absolutely aches !

I know that I am looking forward to catching up with an ex-boss on Saturday night - we haven't seen each other for absolutely ages and things have changed heaps for her since we last spoke - I am sure that we will have lots to talk about.

I know that I am going to be going to visit my BIL and SIL who live just around the corner from me on Sunday morning because the Gold Coast Marathon runs past our home and I can't go out in the car but I can walk around to their place.

I know that keeping busy over the weekend is good for me.  I feel that I am starting to become a bit of a hermit - if I am not going to work and have done the grocery shopping, I don't want to go out anywhere because I am so embarrassed by my size.  I know that this is how it is for now.  I know that there is nothing more that I can do to change my weight BUT that doesn't make it any easier for me to accept.  I know that it is just a number on the scale but even if I didn't see that number every day, I would be able to tell from my clothes that my weight is not doing what it should be doing.  Cutting out sugar, wheat and dairy should not see me put on close to 30kgs in approx. 6 months.  I know that there have been times when sugar has crept back into my diet but not to the extent of 30kgs worth !! That is something that I do know for sure !!

I know that I am looking forward to a quiet day at work - with only me in the office - and plenty of time to work through budgets and end of financial year stuff !

I know that if I don't cut up the coconut rough it lasts a lot longer !

What do you know this week ?

Why not share it over at Miss Cinders ?

TFTD : If we counted our blessings instead of our money, we would all be a lot richer.

Have the B.E.S.T weekend and don't forget about #vvow tonight - 8pm on Twitter - wear your pj's / most comfy clothes - and be ready to laugh !

I Must Confess ........

I know that last week's linky was about embarrassing moments but seeing as I am getting old and not quite up to speed as everyone else, I am going to blog about it this week instead of last week !!! And, because Kirsty isn't too fussed about what our confession is about, I figure it is OK to be a week out of sync with everyone else !

My name is Me and I am over-weight fat. There is no two ways about it. There is really no polite way to put it. I am fat. Bottom line (no pun intended - OK maybe just a little pun intended !) - I am the biggest I have been since I was 38 weeks pregnant over 21 years ago. Last week I put on 4.3kg. Yes, I ate no sugar, no wheat, no dairy and I put on 4.3kgs. Maybe it is all the protein and healthy fruit and veg that I have been eating !!! Seriously, it has to be the medication because what the hell else could it be ???????

But, it is very difficult to walk around with a sign on my forehead saying "I am this big because of the medication I am taking " - isn't it ? And, in actual fact, I'm not even taking the medication anymore although I have been told that it will still take a while for my system to get rid of all the medication and things may be slow after that. Well thank you for that small gem of NOTHING !!

Anyway, my confession is about how I went walking on Saturday and landed up with chaffing on my butt cheeks ! Yes, you read that correctly - my butt is now so big, my cheeks chaff each other while I am walking. As do my tuckshop arms.

This is where I wish I was walking

Source credit

This is something I didn't know because I have never done any exercise at this weight. You better believe that the last time I weighed this much the last thing on my mind was exercise - all I wanted to do was GET THE BABY OUT !!!! (She - although we didn't know she was a she at the time- was two weeks late) and I didn't walk anywhere - I waddled. I was surprised that nobody called the Whale Protection Services (or whatever they are called) when I was out because I certainly bore a close resemblance to a whale - thank goodness I was never in togs so they didn't have to worry about a beached whale !!

And my poor feet - I don't think they knew what had hit them during the walk. I set off for the PO because I mistakenly thought that if I posted my latest PBSD stuff at the PO and not at a satellite collection box, it would go sooner. Well that was wrong - it only gets collected at 5pm Monday - Friday so it makes no difference. But that is OK - except that from the shopping centre, I decided to turn left instead of right, not really thinking about how far left I would have to go before I got to a road going left that would take me back to the road that I needed to be on to get home. By the time I realised what I had done it was too late to turn back as it would have taken me longer to walk home from there than to carry on the way I was going. So, there I was, pounding the streets, at 10mins p/km (so sad when I think of what I was running previously BUT I am not going to compare - well not a lot anyway !!!) and my poor feet had to put up with the extra 'I don't know how much force because of the extra weight I am carrying' going through them. No wonder they were screaming at me for the last 2kms. I landed up walking 6.22km in 1 hr 1 min. Apart from the above complaints, I felt fantastic when I was finished. Not so much because of how far (or not) or how fast (or not) I had walked - but more because I had actually just got out there and done it, without looking for an excuse about why I couldn't do it. This week I had committed to walking three days - I have done two as I managed to get out for a shorter walk on Sunday.  Clearly Runkeeper does not like to work when my phone is shoved down the waistband of my pants as I had only gone about 600m when it was telling me I had done 1km in about 6 mins - which would have been absolutely fantastic if I hadn't only been walking 1km in 10mins the day before !!!!  I knew it was stuffed so I reset it and then had to carry my phone the rest of the way so that temperamental Runkeeper would work properly !!!!  While it isn't the three that I committed to, it is better than the zero walks which I have been averaging for the past too many months !!!!

I have to carry my phone because the iPhone holder that I have causes too much chaffing under my arm. I am getting to the point where the bigger exercise clothes that I bought a few months ago are getting too small for me. Do I go out and buy some more or do I squish myself as best I can into them for a few more weeks while I wait to see if this weight starts to move ? Am I going to embarrass myself even more if I continue to wear clothes that, while they aren't exactly too small, they are very close to it ? Is someone going to be wearing the Judgey McJudgey hat that I sometimes have on ? Are they going to look at me and say "Goodness - doesn't she have a mirror at home ? Didn't she look at herself before she walked out the door ?" Or is it all in my head and nobody is actually looking at me anyway because, aside from the fact that I am large and out exercising, there really is no reason for anyone to look at me ?

No matter, I have to do this for me. I need to do this for me. I need to be exercising because I feel so much better when I exercise. I need to get out there and get those endorphins flowing again. I need to get out there and improve my time and my fitness levels. I need to get out there so that I can improve my self esteem. I need to get out there so that I can be an example for A and K. And, most importantly, I want to get out there again - I have missed the above feelings from not exercising like I used to. It has been all too easy to slip out of the habit and now I need to work on getting back into the habit.

Rhianna from The Parenting Life tweeted about a squatting challenge which I think I may try. And, if I am going to do that I could just as well start my daily planking session. So, with those two exercises and my walking, it looks like I am on my way to getting my fitness levels back to where they were (hopefully without too much pressure from me about 'the good ole days when I used to be able to do xyz' !!!!)  Having decided to do the above, I started with 3 x 20 squats when I got back from my walk and 1:49:3 of planking on my knees.  Tomorrow the plan is to do 80 squats and somehow build up to 300 squats by day 30 so am going to have to do a little spreadsheet (yes, why thank you, I am the queen of spreadsheets) tomorrow so that I can work out how many I have to increase it by each day in order to get to the 300 in 30 days !!!!

What are you confessing to today ?  Why not join in with Kirsty at My Home Truths ?

Have the best week !

TFTD : Sometimes what you want isn't what you get, but what you get in the end is so much better than what you wanted.

Things I Know

YAY - it's Friday (I ALWAYS know when it's Friday !!) which means that it is time to link up with Miss Cinders from Saturday Morning Ogre Mum because, as I never fail to remind you because MC never fails to remind me, we all know sh*t !!

- I know that I am so happy for our Polish friends who, finally, have been granted permanent residency.

- I know that I am sad that A has to go to Townsville for work on Sunday night.

- I know that I am happy he will be home on Wednesday night because we are going away for the long weekend.

- I know that when we get back from the weekend away, he will be going away for a long time but that is OK because I know that I am strong enough to cope with everything while he is gone.

- I think I have turned a corner health wise.  The 0.9kg that I was so pleased about losing last week has found it's way back plus more which I just find so bloody strange given I have had no sugar, no dairy and only a smidgen of cornflour since Tuesday of last week BUT I am going to keep on with it because I know that it is the right thing for my body right now - just now my body will realise it and do what it is supposed to do which is, lose this bloody weight !!!!

- I know that I wanted to get my Ranty McRanty pants on today but have decided to keep that for another day.

- I know that I am happy that I finally made my choices for loans through Kiva.  I realised that while I was fluffing around about how to decide who to support, my money wasn't helping anyone.  So I took the plunge with a lady from El Salvador and one from Ecuador.  Since last night the lady from Ecuador has received 100% of her funding and the other lady has moved to 60%.  I am really excited about following the journey that these ladies take - I think I can follow it sort of on Kiva (but I may be completely wrong about that - will have to see !!!)

- I know that I am loving the Yumi's dips - gluten free and dairy free - they are my new favourite snacks.  The kalamata olive and sweet potatoe/cashews are excellent with carrot sticks.

- I know that making sweet potato crisps is more time consuming and fiddly than I expected and, I am not so sure that it is cost effective, but they are tastier than store bought ones.

- I know that, while my health is not all that great at the moment, things could be so much worse.  I know that, for me, right now, life is good and I am happy.

- I know that love my TFTD today because it is so very, very true.

Have the best Friday and an even better weekend !

TFTD :  If you don’t work and fight for what you want, don’t complain and cry over what you've lost.

How Do I Change My Head ?

That title probably reads a little more cryptically than I would like but I can't come up with anything better right now.

As you are probably all know, my weight loss (or lack thereof) is a big part of my life.  While it doesn't define who I am, it certainly impacts on how I feel and how I act.  I have been trying really hard to lose these excess kilos as we were planning a winter holiday in Canada/USA and I figured that being bundled up in snow gear would already add 10-20kgs onto me never mind if I was 20 kilos heavier to start with - which would see me looking 30-40kgs heavier than I actually am.

So the quest began.  The LnE was in full force Monday - Friday and I was really careful about what I ate on the weekend and the weight started to move - nicely.  Then Christmas hit and, while it is only one day, A and I were both off between Christmas and New Year and we indulged - a little too much and some of the weight came back (as it does).  And then the battle started - over the period of 6 weeks I lost the grand total of 0.3kgs.  This was on top of doing LnE and exercising for 60-75mins 6 x week.  I was demotivated and frustrated and, on one hand wanted to pack it all in, but on the other hand knew I couldn't because of those bloody photos that would be taken.

I went and spoke to my Dr and spoke to her about coming off the pill and she recommended the low calorie diet that I am on.  I made the appointment with my naturopath and she told me what I had to do and I have been doing it - for 15 days and have lost 6.5kgs.  I go back to her next Monday to start the next phase of this diet.

What is doing my head in is the numbers on the scale.  I would LOVE to say that I don't care what they are so long as my clothes fit me but I would by lying - I DO care what they are.  I DO have a number in my head that I want to see on those scales.  But right now, with clothes on, I look at myself in the mirror and think that I DON'T look that bad.  A and K both say how good I am looking and that I don't look like I am over-weight BUT it doesn't help to change that number in my head.

When I got married I weighed 45 kgs - yes at 5'7" I was too thin.  I liked to be around 50-52 - I felt healthy and I felt good in whatever I wore.  I don't want to say that because I am closer to 50 than 40, it is OK for my weight to be closer to 75kgs than 65kgs - those were obscene numbers for me when I was younger and I think that there is still a part of me that thinks those numbers are obscene and doesn't want to see them on the scale. 

Why can I not get my head around the fact that IT IS ONLY A NUMBER ?  Why is it so important to me WHAT THAT NUMBER IS ?  Why will I try to kill myself to get to that number when, in all likelihood, I will not be able to maintain that weight when I get there and then I feel like a total failure when I bounce right up to a number that my body feels it can sustain ?  Sometimes it is those last few kilos that nearly kill me and I don't want to go there again - I want to be able to indulge occasionally without feeling like I have to deprive myself for the next week.  I want food NOT to be the whole focus of my being.  I want to accept that my body will never look like it did 26 years ago - AND THAT IT IS OK TO ACCEPT THAT.  Why can't I get my head around this - it shouldn't be this hard !!!!!

Sometimes things are just too difficult !

Where I Am Now

As those of you who have been following me for a while will know that I have weight issues - in reality and in my head.  No matter what I weigh, I generally feel like I am too heavy.  In the past I have always worked on losing weight without strengthening myself. 

Last year, K and I started working with a personal trainer who lives two doors down from us - it has been great. I cannot believe how much stronger I am now (physically) than I used to be.  But, this has not helped my weight loss much - in fact, while I have lost cms since I started, I haven't lost as many as I think I should have.

Last year, as a family, we did Lite 'n Easy and we lost a lot of weight between us.  I lost just over 25kgs and I was really pleased with how things were going.  But I got slack and I put about 15kgs back on before I got into the right head space to start pulling things back again.  I have since lost between 8-9kgs depending on the day of the week and that is where I seem to have got stuck.  No matter how good my eating was coupled with the fact that I was exercising (not just walking) for 1-1.5hrs per day 6 days per week - the weight just won't shift.  It is a cause of great frustration for me.  While I understand that my weight doesn't define who I am - it is a major part of my life.  Not because my husband doesn't love me if I am heavy or not - in fact he really couldn't care less how much I weigh - he just wants me to be happy.  I know that losing weight doesn't make my problems go away, it doesn't mean I will have more money, it doesn't mean everything will be hunky dory - it just means that I will be thinner when I am dealing with said issues.

I have been talking to my naturopath and doctor and they have both indicated that they thought the pill might be the reason for the stagnation of my weight loss so I have come off the pill.  The doctor also suggested a really strict diet.  I have researched this and still need to discuss it with A but from what I can see, if I can stick it out for the really restrictive time frame of 3 weeks, it could be just what I need to kick start the weight loss of these last pesky kilos that I can't shift.  The maintenance period is what I am really interested in doing because that is where I will find out whether it is the sugar/carbs or the fats which are what my body doesn't like dealing with and which are causing the weight to stay put.  If I do follow this eating plan for the three weeks, the whole process is going to be a really big learning curve for me.  Part of me is excited about the prospect of being able to shed these kilos quickly and part of me is nervous about the restrictive eating plan that I need to follow - but then I think - it is only 3 weeks - in the greater scheme of things, it isn't a long time and, if I put my mind to it, THERE IS NO REASON WHY I CAN'T DO IT.

The weather today is doing it's best to dampen my spirits and I am trying very hard not to let it - because I believe my TFTD from yesterday !!!

With A still working in Coffs and K rostered to work all weekend - I will have some time to myself on Sunday. I have some clients booked in tomorrow morning and then a catch up planned with a really good friend in the afternoon. Maybe K and I will go to the Suns game in the evening depending on the weather. Then Sunday is going to be a ME day along with catching up on the washing for the week but that will be OK to do - it isn't that hard !!!

I hope you all have a great weekend.

TFTD : Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did or not - Oprah Winfrey

One of Those Weeks

Do you ever have one of those weeks that just seem to get worse the longer the week goes on ???  I am having that kind of week this week.

My weight was the first factor of the downward slide of my week because it was in an upward slide despite my tremendous efforts at eating correctly - despite my almost manic efforts at exercising - every day - for at least an hour - either working with a personal trainer or following the exercise plan of the MKC - despite the best intentions of making everything count.  But it didn't - the scales were up and in some cases my measurements were up to - how does that work I ask with tears in my eyes because that is the stage that I am now at.  How can I be doing everything so right and it turning out so wrong ?

Then A left for Coffs - which in itself I can handle - but on top of dealing with the stupid weight loss (or lack of) issue and my Dad's prognosis - I really wish he could have been at home this week. I need him more than I normally do because, as a rule, I am a big girl who can stay at home by myself without having to have someone stay with me - but this week is different.  This week I feel like I need him at home - and he isn't. 

Tomorrow we have our monthly board meeting - and I think it is going to be a doozy.  I think there is going to be lots happening - and not all of it will be pleasant - in fact, I would put money that most of it is going to be unpleasant.  I don't do confrontation well - not at all.  I would rather walk out of room that be involved in a confrontation - even if it doesn't involve me.  I anticipate a fair bit of confrontation tomorrow - so much so I am thinking of not going to the board meeting.  But then they may cancel it because there will be no presentation of the financials and then I will only have prolonged the agony.  Maybe I will go and get it over and done with.

On Thursday I have to go to the skin clinic to get checked.  It has been about 4 or 5 years since I last went - I am very naughty I know and given my Dad's situation, I have promised myself not to let it go this long between check-ups.

And then it will be Friday - the last day of the working week - with the possibility of A being home - or not - depending on how the sites are going.  The day of the week when I am in the office with only one director.  the day that either drags or flies by.  But it is good, no matter how it passes - because it means that one sleep from then it is the weekend !

TFTD : Love comes in all shapes and sizes and people who share it are very lucky.  They have a little halo around them - Meryl Streep

Hey Fatty Boom Boom

Sweet sugar dumpling, hey fatty boom boom, let me tell you something ........

This is the song that my brother would taunt me with for ages and ages when we were growing up during the 70's.  I never thought I was a fat child - a fat baby, definitely - but not a fat child.  I guess it was probably just a horrible brother thing more than the reality of the situation.  A post by Tif earlier this week made me stop and think about my weight during my life time.

Many is the time I thought I was horrifically overweight only to look back at photos and wonder what on earth I was smoking at the time - no way could that be considered over weight by any stretch of the imagination.  What I have realised that it was all to do with numbers and not how I looked. 

In my late teens I hovered around the 50-52kg mark  (I am 5'7") so, in all likelihood, I was probably a little under-weight.  When I got married at 22, I weighed 45kgs (that was a 5kg loss in 3 days due to stress I am sure !!).  When I went in to have K, I weighed 97.8kgs - it was not a pretty sight but I had the excuse that I was having a baby but she was only 3kgs when she was born so I couldn't really blame her for the extra 30-40kgs I was carrying around at the time.

For most of my adult life I have sat on the wrong side of 60 - sometimes waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay on the wrong side and sometimes only a little on the wrong side.  When A was working in Taiwan, K and I ate a lot less than what we would have eaten if he was at home.  I rarely cooked so we never had big dinners - scrambled eggs, toast, soup - quick and easy things because that was all I could manage as a single parent working full time and having to do both our chores at home, inside and out !  It wasn't an easy time but we had made the decision for him to go and work there and so I just had to suck it up - as do lots of other people.  Anyway, my weight came down and when we left to go to Taiwan to have a holiday over there and then shoot across to Hong Kong for a couple of days, I was probably weighing in the region of about 62-65kgs.  I thought I was still fat as the number in my head that would see me thin was 50-55kgs. 

We got off the airplane and A had told me to look for some Taiwanese guy who would pick us up because he had to go to a site, but when we walked through he was standing there waiting for us.  I will never forget the look on his face - he was shocked.  He recovered well and was so pleased to see us - as we were to see him.  Later I found out that he thought I had been really really sick and hadn't told him.  To me, I was still fat.  When I look at the photos now of our holiday there, I can see why he got a fright, and I can't see why I would have thought I was still fat EXCEPT for the fact that in my head, I am thin when the scales say I am in the 50-55kg range.  To be honest, I think that I would probably have to lose both legs before I will ever weigh that little again but I have come to the acceptance that it is not about the number, it is about what clothes I can fit into and how I look.  That isn't to say that the number isn't important to me because it is, I still weigh myself every morning and, while I don't live and die by the number that it tells me each day, it does play some role in my mental state of mind with regards to my weight.  I know that weights fluctuate daily and a gazillion times during each day and that is all that it is, a particular number at a particular time on a particular day - that doesn't change the fact that it does go into my head and sometimes mess with me BUT I am working on not letting it change how my day proceeds !!!

 

   1966                                                                                                                          1968/1969 ?

This is A and I at Taroka Gorge in Taiwan (December 2005), and me in Taiwan trying to work out where we are and how to get to where we wanted to be !

Stanthorpe April 2011

Spain September 2007

I don't have any photos that I can find on this computer of when I was at some of my top weights, probably because I try to stay on the other side of the camera but looking for these photos today as really got me thinking about how much I have to change my mind set.  2012 is going to be able losing weight so that I am in a healthy weight range and getting fit so that my body stops breaking down the way it currently is.

My highest weight (other than when I was pregnant) was 95.5kgs - for me that was the turning point.  Since then I have lost and gained so many kgs it just isn't funny but it is life and I have to suck it up and deal with it.  We all make choices - I will choose dessert over dinner, biscuits over fruit, soft drink over water any day of the week - and if I do that, I will live an unhealthy and unproductive life.  So, I will try to make the healthy choices - at least more often than not - so that these pesky kgs that crept on over Christmas will creep away, and I will try to be more objective when I look in the mirror at myself (I try not to do this very often but sometimes it catches me unawares !!).  I am now in the 70's (only just but there none the less) and I promise myself to work towards getting into the 60's - sooner rather than later.  I also promise not to beat myself up as I stumble and fall along the way, but to pick myself up and continue on my journey.

M (a friend of mine in Sydney) has a heap of motivational posters on FB.  My TFTD is taken from one of them.

Love, hugs and positive energy !

TFTD : No matter how slow you go, you are always lapping everyone on the couch

PS - it is funny how posts sometimes don't take the path you think they are going to take when  you sit down to write them.  This was supposed to be about how fat I am feeling at the moment - yesterday when I was getting dresssed the song popped into my head and it really staed there all day.  Reminding me that, no matter when I aim to end up, I am still fat right this minute, right here and right now.  And that is OK because that truly is the reality of me and where I am.  I just hope that I can be as realistic when I get down to the low 70's and upper to mid 60's and be realistic about how I look then - the last thing I want to do is look older than I am because I have lost too much weight.

Have the best rest of your day ever !

PPS - sorry the photos are a little all over the shop, I am having great difficulty in getting them to stay where I put them !

A New Year

Well, it is now 4 - no 5 seeing as it is after midnight - days into 2012 and what have I done about the weight I collected from Christmas - NOTHING !  But, I am OK with that.  I knew I was going to pick up some of the weight I had worked so hard at losing - even though I said I wanted to maintain.  It is impossible to maintain any weight whilst partaking in Amarula, grainwaves, chocolates, ice-cream,  home made pizza and the like.  Note to self - eating chocolate on the promise that I will go for a walk later really doesn't cut it !!!!

But, I am not unhappy with what I did.  There were times of mindless eating (which I really need to bring into check starting now - having just eaten a packet of grainwaves over the course of about 3 hrs !!!) and there were times when I could have exercised but I didn't.  I would LOVE to say that is all going to STOP here and now but in all honesty, I will probably get caught doing it a couple of times in the future.  All that I am asking of myself is that I don't beat myself up when I realise that I have done it.

LnE was delivered today and tomorrow I am back on track.  I know that I can do this because I have done it before.  I know that I can do this because it is something that I REALLY and TRULY want.  I know that I can do this because this is my year - my year for getting to a weight that I am happy at and learning how to maintain it.

This is my year for making sure that we save every brass farthing (OK, every cent - but that really doesn't sound as dramatic does it ?) that we possibly can to make sure that we get to go to Canada later this year rather than sitting in our bathroom for our anniversary.  I was very disappointed to learn that we will not be able to take the train trip through the Rockies as the train trip doesn't run during winter - BUGGER !!!!  Oh well, A will have to just drive us through (I suppose there will be someone who will point out that it is probably too dangerous to drive but hey, what is life is we are not living on the edge ?????)

I have a loose exercise plan in my head that I am going to formalise at some point in the near future - as soon as I get around to it.  I have a firm eating plan organised which I am following from tomorrow (excluding weekends for which I still need to make a firm eating plan that doesn't take me too far off track from the good I have accomplished during the week).

I have a 3/4 finished bathroom which, once I have a spare minute, I will get finished.  All that is waiting for me to do is get the window frame sanded and painted (yes, I was supposed to do that during the Christmas break - along with our tax returns and BAS return and filing of papers and general tidy up - but I decided to have a break instead and so those chores are still waiting for me to do them !!!), the door frame and bedroom walls which were fixed need to be painted, we still need to find towel rails, toilet roll holder, soap dish and shower shelf (long story as to why we don't have those yet but I won't bore you with the details) and the little stand thingy that we bought because the vanity is so big doesn't look quite right so that has to be moved out and something else bought.

We had a great time up at the Eumundi markets on Saturday.  I bought some bamboo pants and a new top to wear when treating clients and they are so comfy - that pants that is - the top is comfy but nothing like the pants !!!!  Probably a dangerous thing because now every time I go up there I am going to be wanting to add to my wardrobe.  We also bought some things from a store called Harris and Scarfe which I have never seen before - had heaps of fun in there and got two tops for $9 each and two sports bras for $49 marked down from $78 - they are so comfy for exercising in - can't wait to run in them !!!!!

OK - it is now just after 12.30am and probably time for me to go to bed.  I started work today and man it was a madhouse - probably should have gone in yesterday - oh well, A and I had a great day yesterday so I didn't really mind the madhouse today given the great day I had with him yesterday.

Here's to a fantabulous 2012 - I KNOW that this is going to be my year because I am going to MAKE it my year - come along for the ride if you are game !!!

Love, hugs and positive energy !

TFTD : Your life is a success when you can look in the mirror and love who and what you see.  ( I LOVE this thought !!!)

A Totally Expected Gain This Week !

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't expecting a gain this week - I so wanted to lose all my weight without a gain but it is not to be. A quick synopsis and you will probably be like me, wondering how come it was only 1kg !!!!

• 2 extra large Anzac biscuits (which in hind sight I am glad I had because I realise that I don't like those particular ones anymore !!!!)
• 1 x street party where I consumed 1 x bottle of Amarula along with the marshmallows I bought for the children only their Mom's said keep them for us and don't let the children play near the fire !
• A lot of grainwave chips at above party because I didn't want to waste them by throwing them away (and I had had too much to drink and not enough to eat so thought it would be a good idea to get some 'food' into me)
• 2 x Christmas parties with too much food on offer and, having been too busy to eat during the day, meant I was starving and ate without thinking
• 2 x Magnum ice-creams - one of which I couldn't finish - but I managed to finish the second one last night without any trouble
• 2 x curly wurlies and 1 x chomp because they were on special at the servo when I put in petrol
• Too many pieces of shortbread at our mangement meeting
• 1 piece of custard and coconut bun (man this is going to be difficult to resist when I am up at that office next week)
• 1 x Cold Chisel concert after we had Nandos for dinner and ate our way through a packet of snakes while we were there
• 2 x mince pies
• 2 x very large chicken dim sims
• 1 x 600ml bottle coke

My knee is still worrying me.  I did manage a cycle on Monday and it did play up a little.  I have found that there are times when I am walking when it jars and is painful.  I suppose at some point I should take the x-rays back to the dr but right now everything is so busy I just can't be bothered to try to fit it in.  In the meantime I am doing sit ups and push ups and core exercise work on my fitball in at attempt to at least be doing something if I can't run.  Maybe I should set myself a date in a few months time and just not even think about running until then.  Will see how I go at training tonight and then decide.

I took Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons off from work - got all my Christmas shopping done on Tuesday and all the grocery shopping (except for fruit and veg) done yesterday so am hoping not to have to brave the crowds again until we collect the turkey bon-bons on 24th and pick up fruit and veg then (unless we go to the markets this weekend).  Even though A wasn't with me I had the most amazing luck with parking spaces - going to pick up tiles, pick up basin, drop off basin, order bon-bons, go to Bunnings, go to Harbourtown, go to Runaway Bay, go to Helensvale, go back to Harbourtown - and in all instances I found a parking space within 5 spaces from the entrance of the shopping centre - man I love it when the universe hears me !!!!

Have a fantastic day and take care !  Love, hugs and positive energy.

TFTD : The less you hear what people say about you, the more you succeed - Kazi Shams