Today I Am Shattered

Yesterday was not the best day that I have had at work.  I had a real bugger of a tax account to balance and when I finally managed to get it to balance, the entries I have to post to fix it up create another (small) problem in a second tax account !!!  I wish I was clever enough to fudge the figures and make them both balance !!!!!

Yesterday I got home from work, had a bath and read my book - wish I could get it finished - can't wait to see there the story is going.  Got into my pj's and spent the evening on the couch - first watching Red Widow (which I had recorded and hadn't seen before) and then with first baseball on the TV and then the music channel which I caught up on blogs.  At about 1.15am I finally got to the end of the #IBOT and my Bloglovin' posts and I went to bed.

I read until about 2am - then switched the light off.  At 3am I was still awake so I read until about 3.30am - then saw the clock at about 4am. 4.20, 4.50, 5.22 and then the alarm woke me at 6am - I am not a morning person at the best of times - I was so not a morning person today.  At least K wasn't awake to see me and the dogs are always glad to see me no matter what I look / feel like !!!!!

I think reading blogs that late at night left me with too much 'stuff' going around my head but I didn't want to stop until I had read them all - I try to get at least 98-99% of them read and commented on.  Give-aways and recipes generally don't interest me so I normally skip those ones but otherwise I try to read and comment on all the others - bad mistake last night - I probably should just do it over a couple of nights and not try to do it all in one sitting !!!

While I was trying to sleep I kept on having these 'great' ideas for future blogs and so switched the light on and wrote them down. I am sure that, at the time, they seemed like absolutely brilliant ideas, but given that in some I am now battling to actually read what I wrote, I figure they may not have been such a great ideas at all !!!

I only managed 45 squats and 10 pushups - so have left me book when I track my exercise out to remind me to finish them off when I get home from work tonight.  K is cooking so I am looking forward to another lazy evening of watching TV and crocheting !!!!

Have the best day !

TFTD : You must uncover the good in the bad, the happy in your sad, the gain in your pain, and what makes you grateful not hateful.

Thankful Thursday

Today, being Thursday, means it's Thankful Thursday linky day with Francesca from Francesca Writes Here - a great linky because there is always something to be thankful for - even if sometimes we think that it is all turning to sh*t and there is NOTHING to be thankful for !

As per my post on Tuesday, I was definitely not thankful for the weekend that was in Townsville.
But, I am thankful for getting to spend so much time with A - I can't believe how much I miss him when we aren't together.

I am not thankful for the poor sleep that I have been getting - this was supposed to be the HUGE plus of A not being here, I wouldn't have to put up with his snoring.
But, I am thankful for Alfie and Rosie who, at 1.45 in the morning, are happy to leave their nice warm bed under the bar, and come inside and sleep on their inside blanket in the corner of my room because I am feeling like a big wuss and didn't want to be inside by myself.

I am not thankful about having to change out of my pj's last night to go and get K from the airport at 10pm 'cos they are so nice and comfy and I didn't want to embarrass her by arriving to collect her from the airport in my pj's (just in case I had to get out the car !!).
But, I am thanful that she is home again and I will once again, have some company when she isn't out with her friends / SES / work / studying !!!

I am not thankful for the cr*ppy day I had yesterday.  Hiding behind a computer screen because I was crying so often is not the best or most productive way to spend the day !
But, I am thankful for the lovely e-mail that I received, from a lady I have never met, who has started a FB page called The Warm Fuzzies asking me about Project Brighten Someone's Day.  And with that e-mail I told her about the project and then I realised that my day wasn't that bad after all.

I am not thankful for the fact that I was lazy when I got home and so didn't land up cooking dinner.
But, I am thankful that I made my breakfast smoothies and then had one of those for dinner which is so very much better for me that anything else I would have had i.e. a couple of cans of Coke !!!!

What are you thankful for today ?

Why not join in with Francesca and share

your thankfulness with all of us ?

 

Have the best day and hang in there, it is nearly the weekend !

 

TFTD : When life gives you every reason to be negative, think of one good reason to be positive. There's always something to be grateful for.

I Don't Feel Guilty

The other night I was lying in bed and thinking about how I have changed over the past 20 odd years.  Actually, it's probably the last 10-15 yrs that I have really changed but whatever, it's been a while.  Here goes with the list of things I no longer feel guilty about :

- sleeping during the day

- running water to clean a glass and not waiting for a sink full of dishes before washing them

- chopping up veggies and not saving the tops and tails / skins to make some strange concoction, which may or may not, be of use to anyone

- not spending 1/2 hr trying to pick ever single piece of chicken off the carcass

- not believing I am late if I am only 5 mins early

- not making my bed every day

- not washing my sheets every. single. week - it's OK to wash them in a fort-night on occasions

- not opening the post every. single. day

- using the dryer because it makes more sense for me to wash in the evening when I get home from work

- buying good quality food when we can afford it

- planning me time so that I can be the best wife, mother, daughter and friend the rest of the time

- making sure I have some relaxing time most weekends - I do not have to be super busy all the time that I am not at work

- about spending money on myself/my family - we work hard and deserve to spoil ourselves at times.  I don't believe we are frivolous with our money and we don't spend money we don't have.  We save every month and I am really happy with where we are financially in our lives.

- about donating money to those less fortunate than ourselves.  I currently have some loans with Kiva - two have started repaying - it's a great way to help others.

- not doing things the way my parents did

- missing joining in with some blog linkies - I do the best I can with the time I have - sometimes I join in and sometimes I don't - it doesn't mean that I don't think of you guys every day !!

Joining in with Essentially Jess because it is Tuesday and #IBOT - why not pop over and see who else has joined in ?

What do you no longer feel guilty about ?

TFTD : Don't listen to those who tell you exactly what to do.  Listen to those who encourage you to do what you already know in your heart is right.

I Must Confess

This Monday I am linking in with Kirsty at My Home Truths for I Must Confess except I am not confessing about the music I like - given I am very run of the mill and not the least bit out there when it comes to music.

Today I am confessing about what I did (or rather did not) get up to yesterday.  I did nothing (because I don't think reading and sleeping count as 'doing' stuff) ...... just about.  The.  Whole.  Day.

It was pouring with rain at about 5am, then again at about 6.30am and I think that I woke up, sort of, at about 7.30.  I lay in bed, enjoying the peace and quiet and started to read.  I think I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew, A was calling me as my folks had popped over to visit.

My Mom's leg is healing well and yesterday was her first outing since the operation.

We chatted for a while and then they left and A went to carry on with what he was doing - running cables to get power to the fridge on his back seat from the batteries in the back of the ute.  I went back to bed and lay there reading for a while.

At about 11am A came through to get me as some friends had popped over to drop off an invitation to a baby shower at Palazzo Versace (geez - the last place I need to go to for a baby shower - what am I going to wear ?????????????  If only I could pull off the look of an eccentric celebrity - but that ain't going to happen so I am going to have to either chop one leg off or buy something suitable to wear before the end of April)

After they left I went back to bed and read some more and then the next thing I knew it was 2.30pm and I had just woken up !!!!  I went through to the garage where A was working on the car and he just smiled at me and said "Hullo Sleepy Head - have you joined the land of the living again ?"  I said that I thought I may still be in the land of nod but I was slowly finding my way out !!!!

He said he had come through to ask me to come and give him a hand with some of the wiring but I was fast asleep so he just did something else but if I could help him that would be great. So I spent a couple of hours soldering and running wires with him.

I also took some time to sit and play with Alfie and Rosie and re-inforce the tricks I had taught Alfie and taught Rosie how to give high-5's - she was so funny !!!!!

It was K's turn to cook dinner to she did that when she got home from work and we ate and then watched some TV.

I don't know how long it has been since I have spent so much time doing not very much but I said to A that I felt like I really needed that.  I said that part of the problem was doing it and not feeling guilty which is what generally happens with me.

I said that I may need a few weekends like this one because during the week I have been feeling like everything is just getting too much - which on one level is so silly because my life really is so much easier than others that I know who have more than one child, have little children, are single parents - whatever - but at the end of the day, it is my life and I need to worry about doing what is right for me without worrying about how it may upset someone whose circumstances are different.

I feel more able to tackle what this week has to offer apart from the rain which I wish would bugger off for now.  I am totally grateful to the sun which came out on Saturday - I felt to much more energetic after seeing it and spending time outside (even though my body doesn't know how to metabolise vitamin D like it should !!!!)

Thanks again to the awesome Kirsty for hosting the linky today !!  Come on over and share your confession for the week !!!!

Have a great week !

TFTD : Nothing is worth more than this day. You cannot relive yesterday.  Tomorrow is stil beyond your reach.  - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Things I Know

Linking in with the awesome Miss Cinders from Saturday Morning Ogre Mum for what I know this week :

I know that it was probably unrealistic of me to think that because I felt so good on Sunday the medication was working and everything had turned the corner - it definitely hasn't but I'll take one or two good days a week over no good days a week !

I know that I am loving the Kettle Sweet Potato chips but at $4 for 90g they really are a little too exepnsive for me to have as often as I would like.  (Note : If any PR people from Kettle are reading this and would like to sponsor me some, that would be very well received and most appreciated !!!!)

I know that I have less than 6 weeks to fit in enough training for a 10km event.  My trainer doesn't think it will be a problem so maybe I need to listen to him.

I know that I am going to win a Personal Planner sometime soon because I have entered that many giveways my name has to come up just now.

I know that tonight we are going out to dinner with BIL and SIL and we are going to have so much fun and lots of laughs - 'cos that is what happens whenever we get together.

I know that I need to get some decent sleep this weekend - I can't keep nearly falling asleep at work because I can't sleep at night.

I know that cooler nights make going to bed more pleasant - if only I could sleep when I was in bed. Having said that, A has had his teeth sorted out (no more being married to a bogan looking guy - yay !!!) and went and had the mold (sorry this is the right spelling but it just looks so wrong !!) taken for the mandibular splint TO STOP HIS SNORING !!!! It is driving me nuts again - and that will be ready on 7th March - for this reason alone I want the next three weeks to fly.  With reference to point #3 above I hope that the next 3 weeks takes forever to go by (sometimes there is just no pleasing me - and I am taking total responsibility for that and not blaming menopause - well not this time anyway !!!)

I know that I need to get back to the no sugar mentality - I don't like what sugar, even the small amounts that I have had lately, do to me.

I know that I am not very good at keeping a gratitude journal - I need to work harder on this !!!

Have the best weekend ever and, if you haven't linked in, why not post a blog about what you know and link in with Miss Cinders ?

TFTD : Opportunities multiply as they are seized - Sun Tzu

Thankful Thursday

Linking in for the last time with Kate from katesaysstuff - I have had a great time linking up for TT with you - thank you so much for the time that you spent on this !

Today I am thankful for the CPAP machine that A hired for the past month.  Tomorrow he has to give it back and we have an appointment with the thoracic surgeon on Monday to find out whether :
(a) we need to purchase our own machine
(b) there is another option that may be less expensive and still do the same job

The same job would be - NO SNORING !!!!  It has been a month of bliss (mostly) during the night because even though I haven't been sleeping very well, while I am awake tossing and turning, I haven't had to listen to him snoring - SHEER BLISS I tell you !  Yes, sometimes the nose thingy-ma-jig is not in correctly and I can hear all this hissing but a small (well small compared to what I used to do !!) nudge is enough to get him to turn over and realign it to where it should be.  Occasionally I have had bursts of air on me - which during summer might not really be a downside !!

Have the best Thursday ever and take care !

TFTD :  There are seven billion people in the world.  Don't waste your time by letting one of them ruin your happiness.

Are you getting enough sleep ?

If you have been reading my blog you will know of my on-going struggle to sleep when A's snoring kicks in - so much so I often take my doona and pillow and move to the couch (which is really comfortable so not really a bad thing to do in order to get some sleep). 

It has been getting worse and eventually the other day I had the conversation with him that went along the lines of this :

Me : How many mornings of waking up alone do you think you will have before you think about doing something about your snoring ?
A : I don't know.
Me : Doesn't it make you sad when you wake up alone ?
A : Yes
Me : So why don't you do something about it ?
A : I don't know - what should I do ?
(By now I am thinking that maybe I am talking to a 3 yr old not a 48 yr old)
Me : How about going to the dr to get a referral to someone who can help you ?
A : But there is nothing they can do.
Me : Really - what makes you say that ?
A : Well X and Y have both had these operations and they still snore.
Me : Oh - how do you know that ?
A : Because they told me.
Me : The last time you spoke to them was before we left South Africa over 13 years ago - don't you think they have made progress in how to treat snoring along with everything else ?
A : I don't know - never really thought about it.
(Clearly at this point it is evident that he is never kept awake by me snoring !!!!!)
Me : Well let me tell you - I have thought about it plenty - especially when I am lying there and all I want to do is sleep and I can't because of your bloody snoring - GO AND SEE SOMEONE AND GET IT SORTED OUT ! (OK maybe I didn't quite yell it but I made sure he knew in no uncertain terms that I expected him to do something about it !!!)

He did land up making an appointment and got a referral to go to the sleep doctor and off we went to his appointment on Monday.  The problem is that the dr sent him straight to the sleep doctor instead of going for the sleep test first !!!!! Good work doctor !  But he saw us anyway - explained how many cycles of sleep we should have and how long each one should last and how if your sleep is interrupted this or that happens and what can interrupt sleep (elbows rated quite high in this category).  He drew lots of little pictures and throats and how they are open or closed or partially closed and then delivered the words that nearly saw me jump over his desk and kiss him :

Help is at hand - this can be resolved.

Those words were like a glass of Amarula after a cr*ppy day - pure gold to my soul !!!

So, he has a sleep test booked for later this month when we get back from NZ and then an appointment the following week for the results and a plan of attack for how we can sort this out.

Linking in with Stacey-Lee at getonwithitalready for Team Friday because when you don't get sufficient good sleep, life can becoming pretty over whelming. 

And linking in with Dorothy from singularinsanity because I know that snoring sucks, I know that he can't help it and I know that help is at hand - I've put up with it for so long another few weeks will be a breeze to get through (I hope !!)

Now to get through two weeks holiday in hotel rooms that don't have a loungeroom I can escape to !!!

Are you getting enough good sleep to allow you function when you wake up ?  Do you have any tips for me for dealing with A's snoring while we are away ?

TFTD : Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for.