Things I Know About Depression

It's Friday which means it's time to link up with MC at The Miss Cinders for Things I Know - because we do all know something !!  Today I am also linking in with FYBF over at With Some Grace.

I am going through menopause (just in case you have been living under a rock and are new to my blog !!!) - and it hasn't been pretty !  In fact, it's been bloody awful.  But, hey, it's the luck of the draw - some people go through some cr*p, some people don't even know they have been through it and some people go through hell for a few years !  I think I fall into the category of  'going through some cr*p' - it could have been better but I figure, it probably could have been a sh*t load worse as well !

After putting on about 25kgs in 5 months, my hormone doctor (aka as Maxine the cartoon character although really known as Maura) who had not put me on the anti-depressants in the first place, said that they may be responsible for my weight gain.  I asked to come off them and she gave me a schedule to follow to come off them at the right rate.  I did this.  And 5 weeks after coming off them I have put on another 5 kgs.  So, after being off the anti-depressants for 5 weeks, having cut out sugar, wheat and dairy, I am still putting on weight - go figure !

Yes, I am not exercising as much as I was - pretty much because I am struggling with my knees and all the extra weight I am carrying so I have been working on the Guns, Buns and Abs Challenge each day.  I am now on day 11 and still going strong although, the last 10 squats and 5 leg lifts nearly killed me tonight.

So, back to what I know - stopping the anti-depressants has not helped my weight.  BUT, I have felt great.  In fact, apart from 2 or 3 days during the past 5 weeks, I have felt better than I did when I was taking the anti-depressants. So, in my mind, I am doing well.  I am off the anti-depressants.  I feel great.  I'm doing well.  Not so fast.  There was one day last week when I spent more of the day hiding behind my computer screens crying than I spent actually producing any work.  OK - that is one bad day - everyone has a bad day.

Fast forward to this week.  On Wednesday, the lady that I work with, told me that I had been too quiet and no fun in the office.  Yes, I had been busy trying to reconcile a stupid tax account - and, when I had balanced it, worked out that the entry I have to process, will balance this account but put another tax account out - oh great !  Today, I was driving to work listening to the news on the radio - and crying !  Why ? I have absolutely no idea.  I just felt like I had to cry.  I held it together most of the day at work but did think that maybe I should see if I could get an appointment with Maxine because I haven't seen her for a while.

Got there and had to wait forever because she was running late - as most drs do !!  But when I went in to see her, she asked how I was and I just burst into tears.  Feeling like I huge sook, I said "I'm fine thank you" and she just laughed and passed me a tissue !  I told her how well I had been but that I had had one day of crying last week and just didn't feel that flash today.  I told her I wasn't depressed. I didn't feel like I couldn't cope. I didn't want to curl up in a ball and let the world pass me by.  She told me that just because I didn't feel like that didn't mean I wasn't depressed.  It just meant that I wasn't on the really bad end of being depressed.  She told me not to be ashamed of it. I told her that I wasn't.  I told her that I had been feeling really really good except for the couple of days of being weepy.

She said that I seemed to her to be very fragile and she is worried that if we don't do something to help smooth things over, I may land up feeling like I did want to curl up in a ball and let the world pass me by.  She has prescribed a different anti-depressant for me - one which she assures me will not put on weight.  And, she has recommended that I see a dietician because clearly there is something that is not working for me if I am basically eating a paleo diet and still putting on weight.

I called A when I left there to tell him what she had said - I'm not sure how much of the conversation he could actually follow because I was sobbing and coughing and gulping during the whole conversation.  Honestly, that man deserves a medal for putting up with me.  I asked him if he would rather stay in Townsville tomorrow instead of coming home if I was going to be like this.  He replied with his stock standard - For better, for worse, we are together.  And then said that maybe he was just banking brownie points in case he ever gets depressed.  I had to laugh - he is the last person I would imagine would ever suffer from depression !!!  He is all for me dealing with my health issues and getting them sorted out before I worry about my weight - I figure that my weight is such a big part of my life, it's hard for me to put it to one side and just say I will get back to it later.

While the number on the scale isn't the thing that dictates my life, you'd have to be completely blind not to notice that my clothes are getting smaller and my butt/legs/arms/stomach are getting bigger.  I have tried to find jeans in bigger sizes - I cannot find any comfortable ones anywhere.  Tonight I found two short sleeve tops at Katie's and one 3/4 sleeve light jacket at Target.  But jeans - none to be found.  Not even a pair at Katie's in their 'flatten your tummy, lift your butt, hide your muffin top' range. I left that shop with tears running down my face.  Thank goodness for late night shopping so it was dark and nobody could see me !!!!

I know that I will get through this because I have the most amazing support system.  A is my absolute rock.   I haven't said much to K about it because she is starting up her studies again and I know is a little anxious about that - once she has settled into them I will talk to her about it.  My on-line friends are just fantastic. I know that I only have to put something on twitter and I will have a reply pretty soon from someone offering support - even if it is only a comment on twitter that makes me laugh.  I truly am very blessed.  So , with that thought of support and understanding, I will continue to tackle this b*itch called menopause and try not to make everyone's life too miserable !!

On a brighter note, I know that :
- A will be home later today - YAY !
- my brother turns 50 on 17th July - how did he get to be so old ?
- I turn 48 on 21st July - how did I get to be so old ?
- we are going to see Pink on 22nd July - can't wait for this - her last concert was amazing !
- we are going on holiday to Tasmania on 12th August - hope I have enough warm clothing !
- we don't have to go back to work until 2nd September - unless we win Lotto, in which case I won't be going back to work !

Have the best day !!!

Why not link in with Miss Cinders

with what you do know ?
Or with FYBF over at With Some Grace ?



TFTD :  You are not what you have done.  You are what you have overcome.

 

#vvow

What can I say, where do I start the debrief of the latest #vvow ? 

Firstly I think I should apologise for getting locked out of our party !!!  I did know about there being a daily limit of tweets because it has happened before (in my defence, it wasn't me that it happened to the last time !!!).  What I didn't know what (a) how many tweets per day we were allowed and (b) that I would ever get anywhere near that magic number of 1,000.  Now if I am totally honest, I didn't think I got anywhere near 1,000 tweets for the day (or even the 24 hr period leaving up to #vvow) but you better believe that next time we have a #vvow evening, I am going to cut down my tweets from the prior night and during the day leading up to #vvow (unless, of course, I completely forget about the limit, and land up getting locked out again because I have over-tweeted trying to keep up with all the conversations on the go !!)

I don't know about anyone else but I had A GREAT TIME (until I got locked out and then I had a sucky time following those who were left !!!).  Unfortunately we had a few sick children around so not everyone could make it all night - hopefully next time the children will all play along nicely and stay healthy and go to sleep when they should.  (BTW I am not suggesting for a minute that the children chose to disrupt the evening - it just happens - I get that !!!)  I also hope that all the little kiddlies are well and happy little vegemites by now !!

There were a few different tipples on offer - my favourite was Amarula (of course), we had some vodka, some wine, sugar free creaming soda, breakfast martini (apparently not as good as previously made).  And then cups of tea made an appearance.

I have just scrolled through the #vvow and realised how I really hi-jacked the conversations going - next time we have one, please would someone tell me to be quiet !!!!!!  Sorry - didn't mean to hop into everything like that !  (Maybe I did actually use all 1,000 tweets up last night !!!!)

But the conversations flowed - from what we were all drinking to what we were doing the next day - explanations of what #vvow was and how it all started - to what we were watching on TV and sick children - seemed to be a fair amount of pooping and vomiting happening (and I was so pleased that none of it was happening in my home - I don't do either of those very well at all !!!).  The conversation moved onto the topic of onsies and pj's and exercising.  Discussions were had regarding tweeting on the phone vs tweeting on a computer.  Children were put to bed.  Teletubbies were watched on TV.  Candy Crush came up for discussion as did AFL and the Lions/Suns game  - especially the plight of the Suns given Gary Ablett's calf injury !!!  Holidays were discussed and moving house.  How to wake children up when school goes back vs how late they sleep during their holidays provided some more points for discussion.  There may have been a few other topics that were covered but I can't remember them and I can't find them in my scrolling through #vvow !!!!

At one point we were trending second behind #LoneRangerAU and then at another point we were in first place (but I didn't get a photo of it before we dropped back to second again !!!)  The next morning we were in fourth position (clearly there wasn't much happening around the world otherwise there is no way our little #vvow party would have trended that high !!!) and, while this was not the aim of the party, it was kind of cool !!!!!

(Just imagine that a copy of the photo I took to show us trending second behind #LoneRangerAU is posted here - and if you really want to see it you can go to Instagram on my account @kal20m.  I have, once again, been challenged on a technical issue and cannot, for the life of me, or anyone else, figure out how I can get the photo from Instagram to here.  I have tried copying it and mailing it and sharing it and it gives me heaps of different options to choose from, none of which are "Paste this photo to this blog." !!)  So, if you don't have an Instagram account or don't want to hop over and have a look at it, you'll just have to take my word for it !!!

Again, I want to apologise for how many tweets I actually put out there on Friday night - it was only while scrolling through #vvow that I saw how vocal I was the whole night !!!  I suppose the up side is that it means I am really comfy with all of you (like as comfy as Maxine says !!!), otherwise I would have sat quietly, at home, by myself and not said anything (oh wait, I was by myself some of the time !!!  Well, you know what I mean !)

Source



 

I want to say a HUGE BIG THANK YOU to everyone who took part in #vvow and helped make it the success (that I think) it was !!! Thank you to @FrancescaBlogs who helped promote it but sadly, couldn't spend as much time chatting due to a sick MissyMoo.  I certainly had a great evening. 

 

It's funny because A called after I had been locked out of #vvow, and said that he had been lying in the bath thinking, this time last week, L (Me) had been up in Townsville and this time next week, he would be home.  Sadly it looks like he won't be able to make it to the Pink concert, so I may have a ticket up for grabs to her concert on Monday 22nd July in Brisbane.  We thought he would be able to make it as we had bought the tickets as part of my birthday present but I thought that the concert was the day before my birthday and not the day after - and, because we are going to Tassie on 12th August, he isn't able to ask to stay down a day longer :(   As cr*ppy as my trip to Townsville was the weekend before last, it certainly did help to break up the 4 weeks that he is normally away.  I won't be travelling up there for a while as he won't be pulling anymore 4 week stints away until we get back from Tassie - YAY !!!

 

It's Tuesday which means it's the day to join in with Essentially Jess for #IBOT.  Why not join in if you have a post on your blog today ?

 

Did you take part in #vvow ?

Did you enjoy it ?
Would you join in again if we had another #vvow evening ?

 

TFTD : It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.