But, on Friday night I asked the question of K and I could see the indecision in her face - she wanted to tell me the truth that yes, my butt did look big but she was afraid of hurting me. When I said that I thought it was too big for the outfit she, hesitatingly, agreed but said that if I wore my jacket when I was standing up or walking and took it off when I was sitting, I would be fine. I did wear my jacket when I wasn't sitting down but this evening made me realise that, while I have accepted that my weight is what it is, due to circumstances beyond my control, I am still not happy with how I look. I avoid mirrors and big glass windows as best I can - which does make me sad because I can remember that it wasn't that long ago that I was a bit of a mirror whore and would check out my figure when I walked past a window. I need to stay focused on getting my health to where it should be. As I said, while I have accepted my weight for what it is, it doesn't mean that I am happy about it. I posted that photo of me after The Color Run but it took me ages to actually post it - when I look at that photo, I don't like what I see. Yes, I managed to finish the walk (it definitely wasn't 5kms but that is OK) and I am trying really hard to hold onto the fact that I said that if I could finish it I would be happy.
Now, anyone who knows me will know that I am not a big dress/skirt fan. I do jeans. I do slacks. I don't do dresses. Or at least I didn't do dresses until I lost a whole heap of weight, when suddenly I had self confidence and I wore dresses with tights and flats and I felt good. Fast forward 26kgs and a few months and my self confidence is hitting rock bottom, so much so I got home from work on Friday afternoon and said to K that I thought I should phone and cancel my catch up with CrashTest Mummy as I didn't know if I could go through with it. NOT that there is anything scary about CrashTest Mummy, it's just that I am shy and I don't do meeting new people well at all. There was no way she was letting me cancel. She even said she would drop me off and I could text her when we were finished and she would come and pick me up so that I didn't have the stress of trying to find the hotel and then worry about parking for the evening. So we did this. We got there far too early because we left home too early but she wouldn't leave me there - we sat in the car chatting about our day and what had happened at work. She really went out of her way to relax me before I got out the car.
CrashTest Mummy and I had a wonderful meal at Yamagen at QT Hotel and chatted like we had known each other for ages. I really am so pleased that I didn't cancel !!!! She suggested that I try to find a buddy before Problogger to meet up with so that we could arrive together so if there is anyone reading this who is going to Problogger and wouldn't mind me tagging along with them - let me know. If you are local, maybe we can meet before then and if you aren't local, maybe I can get you from the airport or catch up the night before.
So, yes, my butt did look big in the outfit that I had on but K said that it was better than wearing black slacks and a granny top (I didn't realise I had granny tops but, apparently I do !!!) and, at the end of the day, a big butt is a big butt is a big butt, it is very hard to disguise !!
And, if you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question !
Today is Tuesday which means it is the day
Have the best day and take care !
TFTD : Everyone deserves something that makes them look forward to tomorrow.
And because I couldn't make up my mind as to which one was most relevant to me today here is another TFTD
If you’re struggling , that means you’re growing.
