How Do I Change My Head ?

That title probably reads a little more cryptically than I would like but I can't come up with anything better right now.

As you are probably all know, my weight loss (or lack thereof) is a big part of my life.  While it doesn't define who I am, it certainly impacts on how I feel and how I act.  I have been trying really hard to lose these excess kilos as we were planning a winter holiday in Canada/USA and I figured that being bundled up in snow gear would already add 10-20kgs onto me never mind if I was 20 kilos heavier to start with - which would see me looking 30-40kgs heavier than I actually am.

So the quest began.  The LnE was in full force Monday - Friday and I was really careful about what I ate on the weekend and the weight started to move - nicely.  Then Christmas hit and, while it is only one day, A and I were both off between Christmas and New Year and we indulged - a little too much and some of the weight came back (as it does).  And then the battle started - over the period of 6 weeks I lost the grand total of 0.3kgs.  This was on top of doing LnE and exercising for 60-75mins 6 x week.  I was demotivated and frustrated and, on one hand wanted to pack it all in, but on the other hand knew I couldn't because of those bloody photos that would be taken.

I went and spoke to my Dr and spoke to her about coming off the pill and she recommended the low calorie diet that I am on.  I made the appointment with my naturopath and she told me what I had to do and I have been doing it - for 15 days and have lost 6.5kgs.  I go back to her next Monday to start the next phase of this diet.

What is doing my head in is the numbers on the scale.  I would LOVE to say that I don't care what they are so long as my clothes fit me but I would by lying - I DO care what they are.  I DO have a number in my head that I want to see on those scales.  But right now, with clothes on, I look at myself in the mirror and think that I DON'T look that bad.  A and K both say how good I am looking and that I don't look like I am over-weight BUT it doesn't help to change that number in my head.

When I got married I weighed 45 kgs - yes at 5'7" I was too thin.  I liked to be around 50-52 - I felt healthy and I felt good in whatever I wore.  I don't want to say that because I am closer to 50 than 40, it is OK for my weight to be closer to 75kgs than 65kgs - those were obscene numbers for me when I was younger and I think that there is still a part of me that thinks those numbers are obscene and doesn't want to see them on the scale. 

Why can I not get my head around the fact that IT IS ONLY A NUMBER ?  Why is it so important to me WHAT THAT NUMBER IS ?  Why will I try to kill myself to get to that number when, in all likelihood, I will not be able to maintain that weight when I get there and then I feel like a total failure when I bounce right up to a number that my body feels it can sustain ?  Sometimes it is those last few kilos that nearly kill me and I don't want to go there again - I want to be able to indulge occasionally without feeling like I have to deprive myself for the next week.  I want food NOT to be the whole focus of my being.  I want to accept that my body will never look like it did 26 years ago - AND THAT IT IS OK TO ACCEPT THAT.  Why can't I get my head around this - it shouldn't be this hard !!!!!

Sometimes things are just too difficult !

Found my mojo (I think)

Firstly I want to thank all the new bloggers who have popped by and left comments - I can't tell you how much your thoughts mean to me.

I think I have found my mojo (see symbol above !!!).  The past couple of weeks have been difficult ones what with Dad's diagnosis, my issues with trying to lose weight, my lack of motivation to exercise when only days before I had been so motivated - but things are back on track - and I am happy about that.

My Dad's operation was a success - or as successful as they expected it to be.  They removed 14 lymph nodes and two were cancerous.  My folks leave for South Africa tomorrow afternoon - so really only a postponement of a couple of weeks for their trip although we could definitely have done without the reason for the postponement !

I started the low calorie diet that I mentioned in a previous blog and have lost 4kgs in 5 days.  It hasn't been easy but then I never expected it to be easy.  The main thing is that I am motivated to continue.

Other than the training that K and I do twice a week (only once this week) I have done no exercise, but, motivated by my friend at coloursofsunset, this morning I went for a walk and felt so good, it reminded me of how much I enjoyed walking.  The one down side was I remembered that the doctor had said that I need to do more than walking - I had to do cardio work - so am going to have to get working on that BUT the main thing is that I, once again, feel like I want to exercise, something I haven't felt like for a while.

A is working in Gladstone now so I have had a lonely day at home. K went off to work while I went for a walk before coming home and doing the laundry (just put on the 5th load for the day - who would think that there are only two of us in the house ?????), then I watched the very cheesy Strictly Ballroom which I have wanted to watch since first hearing about it on Dancing With The Stars - am glad I have seen it but certainly wouldn't say to anyone that it is a must see !!!!!

Have you got anything exciting planned for the rest of this weekend ?

TFTD : Do not follow in the footsteps of the wise.  Seek what they sought - Basho



Where I Am Now

As those of you who have been following me for a while will know that I have weight issues - in reality and in my head.  No matter what I weigh, I generally feel like I am too heavy.  In the past I have always worked on losing weight without strengthening myself. 

Last year, K and I started working with a personal trainer who lives two doors down from us - it has been great. I cannot believe how much stronger I am now (physically) than I used to be.  But, this has not helped my weight loss much - in fact, while I have lost cms since I started, I haven't lost as many as I think I should have.

Last year, as a family, we did Lite 'n Easy and we lost a lot of weight between us.  I lost just over 25kgs and I was really pleased with how things were going.  But I got slack and I put about 15kgs back on before I got into the right head space to start pulling things back again.  I have since lost between 8-9kgs depending on the day of the week and that is where I seem to have got stuck.  No matter how good my eating was coupled with the fact that I was exercising (not just walking) for 1-1.5hrs per day 6 days per week - the weight just won't shift.  It is a cause of great frustration for me.  While I understand that my weight doesn't define who I am - it is a major part of my life.  Not because my husband doesn't love me if I am heavy or not - in fact he really couldn't care less how much I weigh - he just wants me to be happy.  I know that losing weight doesn't make my problems go away, it doesn't mean I will have more money, it doesn't mean everything will be hunky dory - it just means that I will be thinner when I am dealing with said issues.

I have been talking to my naturopath and doctor and they have both indicated that they thought the pill might be the reason for the stagnation of my weight loss so I have come off the pill.  The doctor also suggested a really strict diet.  I have researched this and still need to discuss it with A but from what I can see, if I can stick it out for the really restrictive time frame of 3 weeks, it could be just what I need to kick start the weight loss of these last pesky kilos that I can't shift.  The maintenance period is what I am really interested in doing because that is where I will find out whether it is the sugar/carbs or the fats which are what my body doesn't like dealing with and which are causing the weight to stay put.  If I do follow this eating plan for the three weeks, the whole process is going to be a really big learning curve for me.  Part of me is excited about the prospect of being able to shed these kilos quickly and part of me is nervous about the restrictive eating plan that I need to follow - but then I think - it is only 3 weeks - in the greater scheme of things, it isn't a long time and, if I put my mind to it, THERE IS NO REASON WHY I CAN'T DO IT.

The weather today is doing it's best to dampen my spirits and I am trying very hard not to let it - because I believe my TFTD from yesterday !!!

With A still working in Coffs and K rostered to work all weekend - I will have some time to myself on Sunday. I have some clients booked in tomorrow morning and then a catch up planned with a really good friend in the afternoon. Maybe K and I will go to the Suns game in the evening depending on the weather. Then Sunday is going to be a ME day along with catching up on the washing for the week but that will be OK to do - it isn't that hard !!!

I hope you all have a great weekend.

TFTD : Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did or not - Oprah Winfrey

A Half Thankful Thursday

Linking up with Kate I am half thankful today - so I will start off for what I am thankful for and then move to what I am absolutely not thankful for.

Alfie

Rosie

Let me start by saying I am not an animal person.  I have never been an animal person.  I am the person that, when we visit people who have animals, their animals gravitate towards me like a pin to a magnet even though A and K would love to play with them, absolutely no go - they stay around me.  It drives me nuts.   There were a number of reasons we got Alfie and, I have to be honest, I was the instigator.  But, he accomplished what I wanted him to and that was the main thing.  The only trouble was that he made our garden look like we had a resident mole as we were forever coming home and finding piles of sand where he had been digging.  Everyone said he was lonely - get him a friend.  And I said - what's the difference between one or two dogs (famous last words !!!!!).  So we got Rosie and she did what she was meant to to (to a large extent anyway) - the digging mostly stopped and we had two happy animals.

These are photos of them.  Alfie will be 3 in March and Rosie will be 3 in October.  What I have noticed is that when I get home from work, they are both extremely happy to see me - it is like they haven't seen me in forever !  Sometimes they are more happy to see me that my 19yo !!!!!  I have realised that even though I am not the one who feeds them or gives them water or really does much for them at all apart from buying their food (and they don't know that anyway), they love me, unconditionally.  Even when I have had to shout at them, they will still come to me inside and say "Please give me a pat".  When I go to the bedroom from the loungeroom, Alfie invarably follows me, sits outside the bathroom and then comes back with me to the loungeroom.  If I am sitting in the single chair in the lounge, Alfie will come and sit at my feet and wait for me to pat him.  And I do - much to my surprise. I play with his soft silky ears and I pat him.  Rosie gets very jealous and will push her way in for a pat as well - her ears aren't as soft and silky !

While I never thought I would say this, I am thankful for what they have taught my about unconditional love and putting what has happened in the past away - they don't carry grudges, they don't snarl at me when I shout at them for whatever reason, they just come to my feet when I sit down and ask me to pat them - because they love me.  Why ? I have absolutely no idea !

Now to the bit where I am not so thankful.  I am really struggling to stay motivated with my weight loss.  I am doing L&E Monday to Friday and then being really careful over the weekend with what I eat.  On top of this I am exercising between 45-60mins, at least 5 times per week and walking for between 1-2hrs on the other two days of the week.  Now if I was losing cms, I would be happy but the bloody cms aren't really moving and the weight is certainly not bloody going down and I am getting frustrated and angry.  I am staying strong enough to say "No thank you" to the ice-cream and chocolates and chips and muffins and biscuits that are being offered around but honestly, if I am going to say no thank you I would at least like to see some sort of reward at the end of the week.  I know that I need to stick with this and I will see the results but in the meantime I am really battling to try to stay focused.  A is away for work until Saturday then home until Sunday afternoon or Monday when he will be away for another week and then home for the weekend and then, depending on what work is available up here, he may stay at home or be on his way back down to Coffs.  Between K and I hopefully I can stay strong enough to not eat while he is away - when he is not there it is like I have lost an arm or a leg - I feel lost without him - I feel like a part of me is missing.  Travel safe Love !

I promise myself to do the best that I can over the next few days and to try to hold it together until I can see the results that I am working so hard for.

Have the best Thursday ever !

TFTD : When you learn to say yes to yourself, you will be able to say no to others, with love.

I Suck At This !

I suck at losing weight - I am no good at this right now.  Why ?  Is it the pill talking or is this me talking ? I am hoping that it is the pill because if this is how I am going to be, I will be the size of a house in no time at all.  I was doing so well until I lost the plot yesterday afternoon when A couldn't make a stupid decision !  It wasn't hard - did he want to pick up the microwave which had been taken in for repairs or did he want me to pick it up ? Not difficult A !!!!  Anyway after saying he would do it and me getting to my exit off the freeway he decides that maybe it would be better for me to pick it up.  So I turn around to go back down past where I have already come from.  They have moved so I go to the wrong place.  Call A to find out where to go because now that I have got to the wrong place and I can see that the road name is not the one he mentioned - no referdex in the car - why - I have no bloody idea because it should be there - and the GPS has karked it and isn't working - finally get there and it is absolutely p*ssing down with rain.

Sheltered parking - of course not ?  Get saturated running into the shop front.  Get the microwave and get even more wet getting it onto the backseat of the car.  Not happy Jan - now I am wet and I have to have the aircon on because the windscreen is fogging up so now I am cold as well.  Add to this a touch of anger and I stop at the shop and buy a Pixie Caramel and a Dairy Milk bar - because those will really help me feel better - NOT !!!!!!  But I ate them anyway - the worst part was I didn't enjoy them nearly as much as I thought I would.

Go to my folks to drop of the bloody L&E eskies so I am not stuck at work until 5.30 again this week - they want me to sit and chat - I want to get home because I am angry and wet and cold.  Get home just in time to get changed to go to training.  Poor trainer had he cr*p boxed out of his hands last night - I did feel a bit better afterwards.

Got home, showered and went to bed with The Hunger Games which K has borrowed from a friend because when she went to put a hold on it at the library she was 88th in the queue !!!  Then the eating continued - did I eat dinner - no why eat dinner when I can have chocolate covered muesli bars and take pieces of Australian cake out the freezer and wait for them to thaw before eating those ?

Then this morning I take out another two pieces of Australian cake to eat at work because it is going to be a cr*p day anyway !  I am in the office by myself - the one director who was in today has gone out - not sure when he will be back so at least it is nice and peaceful for now - no tradies - just me !  Wallowing at my own little pity party - should have brough some of my #janphotoaday guilty pleasure with me although would have hated to see how I drove home if I had had that here today !!!!

On top of all of this I am trying to pay for some advertising with a credit card that I know has got enough credit limit on it and it won't go through !!!!!  UUUUUUUURGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH universe - what karma is coming back to bite me on the butt ???????

Have a wonderful Australia Day everyone !!!!!  To those people in the Qld flooding areas - take care.

TFTD (courtesy of Lyndaal) To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe - Anatole France

#janphotoaday

If anyone was following my photos please let me know as I am not going to be loading them up on my blog - I am doing them through FB and Twitter.  If you want to follow me please mail me and I will let you know my name etc on FB and Twitter.

Every home should have flowers in it

My weight is starting to move in the right direction - probably because my eating is back under control and my exercise is happening.  I did try to run the other night - only one lamp post - but it didn't happen !  We were walking really well and I said to A "I think I am going to run to the next lamp post." - I got about 20 steps into a jog and had to pull up.  To say I was disappointed would be a really fair reflection of how I felt.  I was really hoping that it was going to be fine, but it wasn't - so now I really have put the dates of Feb/Mar into my head before I will be running again.  In the meantime I am going to continue with my walking and training and try to increase the amount of cycling that I am doing (which won't be hard to do because I am not doing any at the moment !!!!).

Have a great Wednesday everyone - downhill to the weekend now.

Love, hugs and positive energy !

TFTD :  You see the woman across the room, and you think, she's so poised, she's so together.  But she looks at you and you are the woman across the room for her - Diane von Furstenberg

Hey Fatty Boom Boom

Sweet sugar dumpling, hey fatty boom boom, let me tell you something ........

This is the song that my brother would taunt me with for ages and ages when we were growing up during the 70's.  I never thought I was a fat child - a fat baby, definitely - but not a fat child.  I guess it was probably just a horrible brother thing more than the reality of the situation.  A post by Tif earlier this week made me stop and think about my weight during my life time.

Many is the time I thought I was horrifically overweight only to look back at photos and wonder what on earth I was smoking at the time - no way could that be considered over weight by any stretch of the imagination.  What I have realised that it was all to do with numbers and not how I looked. 

In my late teens I hovered around the 50-52kg mark  (I am 5'7") so, in all likelihood, I was probably a little under-weight.  When I got married at 22, I weighed 45kgs (that was a 5kg loss in 3 days due to stress I am sure !!).  When I went in to have K, I weighed 97.8kgs - it was not a pretty sight but I had the excuse that I was having a baby but she was only 3kgs when she was born so I couldn't really blame her for the extra 30-40kgs I was carrying around at the time.

For most of my adult life I have sat on the wrong side of 60 - sometimes waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay on the wrong side and sometimes only a little on the wrong side.  When A was working in Taiwan, K and I ate a lot less than what we would have eaten if he was at home.  I rarely cooked so we never had big dinners - scrambled eggs, toast, soup - quick and easy things because that was all I could manage as a single parent working full time and having to do both our chores at home, inside and out !  It wasn't an easy time but we had made the decision for him to go and work there and so I just had to suck it up - as do lots of other people.  Anyway, my weight came down and when we left to go to Taiwan to have a holiday over there and then shoot across to Hong Kong for a couple of days, I was probably weighing in the region of about 62-65kgs.  I thought I was still fat as the number in my head that would see me thin was 50-55kgs. 

We got off the airplane and A had told me to look for some Taiwanese guy who would pick us up because he had to go to a site, but when we walked through he was standing there waiting for us.  I will never forget the look on his face - he was shocked.  He recovered well and was so pleased to see us - as we were to see him.  Later I found out that he thought I had been really really sick and hadn't told him.  To me, I was still fat.  When I look at the photos now of our holiday there, I can see why he got a fright, and I can't see why I would have thought I was still fat EXCEPT for the fact that in my head, I am thin when the scales say I am in the 50-55kg range.  To be honest, I think that I would probably have to lose both legs before I will ever weigh that little again but I have come to the acceptance that it is not about the number, it is about what clothes I can fit into and how I look.  That isn't to say that the number isn't important to me because it is, I still weigh myself every morning and, while I don't live and die by the number that it tells me each day, it does play some role in my mental state of mind with regards to my weight.  I know that weights fluctuate daily and a gazillion times during each day and that is all that it is, a particular number at a particular time on a particular day - that doesn't change the fact that it does go into my head and sometimes mess with me BUT I am working on not letting it change how my day proceeds !!!

 

   1966                                                                                                                          1968/1969 ?

This is A and I at Taroka Gorge in Taiwan (December 2005), and me in Taiwan trying to work out where we are and how to get to where we wanted to be !

Stanthorpe April 2011

Spain September 2007

I don't have any photos that I can find on this computer of when I was at some of my top weights, probably because I try to stay on the other side of the camera but looking for these photos today as really got me thinking about how much I have to change my mind set.  2012 is going to be able losing weight so that I am in a healthy weight range and getting fit so that my body stops breaking down the way it currently is.

My highest weight (other than when I was pregnant) was 95.5kgs - for me that was the turning point.  Since then I have lost and gained so many kgs it just isn't funny but it is life and I have to suck it up and deal with it.  We all make choices - I will choose dessert over dinner, biscuits over fruit, soft drink over water any day of the week - and if I do that, I will live an unhealthy and unproductive life.  So, I will try to make the healthy choices - at least more often than not - so that these pesky kgs that crept on over Christmas will creep away, and I will try to be more objective when I look in the mirror at myself (I try not to do this very often but sometimes it catches me unawares !!).  I am now in the 70's (only just but there none the less) and I promise myself to work towards getting into the 60's - sooner rather than later.  I also promise not to beat myself up as I stumble and fall along the way, but to pick myself up and continue on my journey.

M (a friend of mine in Sydney) has a heap of motivational posters on FB.  My TFTD is taken from one of them.

Love, hugs and positive energy !

TFTD : No matter how slow you go, you are always lapping everyone on the couch

PS - it is funny how posts sometimes don't take the path you think they are going to take when  you sit down to write them.  This was supposed to be about how fat I am feeling at the moment - yesterday when I was getting dresssed the song popped into my head and it really staed there all day.  Reminding me that, no matter when I aim to end up, I am still fat right this minute, right here and right now.  And that is OK because that truly is the reality of me and where I am.  I just hope that I can be as realistic when I get down to the low 70's and upper to mid 60's and be realistic about how I look then - the last thing I want to do is look older than I am because I have lost too much weight.

Have the best rest of your day ever !

PPS - sorry the photos are a little all over the shop, I am having great difficulty in getting them to stay where I put them !

A Little Loss !

This morning saw me jump on the scales in K's bathroom - for - the - last - time - becase we will be able to move it into our new bathroom today or tomorrow when we move all our crap stuff back into our bathroom.

Anyhoo - a loss of 0.1 - is not great BUT better than a gain and at this time of the year, I will take anything I can get.

Catch you all soon - love, hugs and positive energy !

TFTD : Your gift to the world is not what you buy or do.  Your gift is your happiness.  - Alan Cohen

Another Loss !

Well this week has seen me get on the scales daily (as I do !) and the number keeps dropping which is really strange because I have exercised less this week than the past 9 weeks.  A loss of 2.4 kgs - I did weigh myself 3 times to make sure I was seeing the number correctly - and it gave me the same number 3 times.

The tile place had the wrong code on the feature tile and so it will take another week to get the right tiles here.

The insurance company had the wrong car policy but are still arguing that K is only listed as a learner driver - she has had her licence for over 2 years - come on please QBE - this is a valid claim on a policy that is paid up - pay out like you should !!!!!  And then I am going to cancel all my policies with you and go somewhere else !!!!!

K seems to be doing fine - she talked to the counsellor at work and was more her normal self last night.

I knew that it was only a mini meltdown and that, in the greater scheme of things, I would survive - just lost the plot there for a while yesterday.  Of course, if the weather would just fine up for the period 4pm-midnight tomorrow so we can have our street party with good weather, everything would be just dandy !!!!!

Love, hugs and positive energy !

TFTD : The more you let go, the faster you move ahead !

Another Loss and It's A Go !

Due to the early start of the bathroom renovation (see below for that story), my scale has had to be moved.  I am not happy about this because I know that moving a scale around can do funny things to how it works !!!!  But, I finally found another place where it was level (who would have thought there were so many places on a tiled floor that weren't level) and this is where it has lived since Tuesday night.  I am nearly hyperventilating wondering where I am going to put the scale once the 'rip out' begins in earnest.  I am a scale whore who HAS to weigh every single morning when I wake up.  I cannot get through the day without this (well I suppose I could if I had to but I would not be a happy veggiemite !).  Anyway, the point of this paragraph is that I am down another 0.5 this week which I am happy about especially with having to pull back on my exercising because of my dodgy knee.  (The same one that I have to go and get x-rayed x-rayd x-rayed (really not sure if there should be an 'e' or not - take your pick or let me know !!!) that I haven't been to yet because I am too busy !!)  I will continue to do what I can to keep up my exercise and not aggravate the dodgy one.

Al (despite our discussions about when we would start ripping our bathroom out) started chipping out bathroom tiles on Tuesday night.  I was not happy when we got home from training. Walking up the driveway I could hear the bang, bang, bang as he was chipping away and I said to K "If that is Dad chipping up the tiles I am going to be furious - why do we bother to have discussions if he is going to go ahead and do what he wants anyway."  Well she went down the passage saying "Dad, just giving you a heads up, Mom wants to know why you discuss things and then do your own thing," and then escaped into her room !  Anyway, I go into the bedroom - dust everywhere - into the bathroom - tile chips on the tiles and dust everywhere.  "You didn't think to move ANYTHING ?  What about closing the door to keep the dust in one room ?" "I was just trying to help."  OK - so the bathroom is now a go because even if I didn't want to go ahead with it, 1/3 of the floor tiles have been chipped away and so we are past the point of saying "No, we will rather go to Canada for our 25th wedding anniversary."  Now it may be that we sit in the bathroom (maybe we could do more than sit ??) and wish each other Happy Anniversary next year if it all blows out like renovations can sometimes do !

So our weekend is cut out for us - client on Saturday morning and then a fun time in the bathroom ripping out walls, finding somewhere to put all the stuff in the double vanity, chipping up floor tiles and getting the floor down to the bedding.  This has been a huge learning curve for me - who knew how many types of toilets, mixers, basins, pop up wastes and floor wastes there were and how bloody difficult it is to make decisions on which to choose !

Have a terrific Thursday.  Love, hugs and positive energy !

TFTD : For true success ask yourself these four questions :  Why ?  Why not ?  Why not me ?   Why not now ?  - James Allen

Another Loss and Feeling So Much Better !

Yesterday afternoon I started to feel so much better - and I am so grateful for this because I hated feeling so down - especially when there was no rhyme or reason for it (all I can think is that it is medication related so am going to see what I can find out about changing it).  But I am feeling on top of the world today - and not just because of losing another 0.5kgs this week (although that did help !)

Last night I went for a 4.85km run and did it in 6'43"/km - sooooooooooooooo happy about that.  Then A got home and we went and delivered invites for street party that we are looking at holding on 9th December.  Not sure how well it is going to go down as we have never done anything like this before but figured it is time for me to start stepping leaping out of my comfort zones and meeting new people is a big HUGE thing for me - A and I are both really shy and don't do 'new people' well so this will be an interesting exercise.  The neighbours that we are friendly with already are free on the same night so if nobody else is interested, we will have the party at either their place or ours and we KNOW it will be a good one - even if it is just the four of us as we always have a great time when we get together. (A bottle of Amarula will definitely feature high on the list of items required for said party !!)

After delivering the invites, we took the dogs for a walk and did a 4.5km walk - so by 8pm last night I was ready for bed.  Not that I got to bed then !!!  It was all good from about 11pm until the rain started at about 3am and then it was just toss and turn - between the rain and the spurts of snoring, I didn't get a huge amount of rest !

Sonia, we don't have a spare room (well we do but it is my therapy room and as much as clients seem to fall asleep reasonably easily on the therapy table, I can't sleep on it) but we do have a 7 seater corner couch which is REALLY comfy so I normally drag my doona/sheet and pillow down the passage, through the diningroom and kitchen and into the lounge room and sleep there.

Lady Daa Doo, that may be a really good reason to get an iPhone although I do love my Blackberry !!!!!

Well better get on with my day - listening to the rain falling outside and seeing it slide down the windows - it is good to have the rain after so much heat.  Here's hoping that it isn't raining tomorrow as we want to go to the rugby 7's which are being played at Skilled Stadium tomorrow from lunch time.


This is pretty much what I can see when I look out my window.

Have a terrific Thursday - the weekend is nearly here and we are only a month away from Christmas Eve - how scary is that ??????

Love, hugs and positive energy !

TFTD : Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm.  As you get older, remember you have another hand : the first is to help yourself, the second is to help others - Audrey Hepburn

Finally - a 70's Girl !

I knew that if I just stuck with the program I would see the results and this morning I did - a loss of 1.3kgs to take me well and truly into the 70's - YAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This would definitely help show the numbers I want to see

although probably not so good at helping me fit into smaller clothes !

Hopefully there will be some good losses before I reach the next plateau.  I just LOVE being so motivated that I can cycle and walk in the same evening - they both helped my legs but not as much as my Epsom salts soak last night !

Off to see the naturopath today so will be interested to see what she has to say.

Have a FANTASTIC day !

Love, hugs and positive energy.

Release Potential

When you realise and accept who you are,

you will release this potential and yor gifts for all

to enjoy.

Discover your uniqueness and share your gift with

all on your path.

Universal Symbols by Ken Dowling

Some Losses !

I stepped on the scale this morning so wishing, hoping, really really expecting to be in the 70's but I wasn't - I was only down 0.1kg from last week.  I was disappointed but A suggested that I measure myself even though I don't feel like my clothes are getting looser at all.  I wasn't keen to measure myself because my clothes aren't any looser on me but I did.  What a LOVELY surprise - I have lost 21cm in 6 weeks !!!!!  I suppose I can't be upset or disappointed with THAT !!!


The only thing is that I have lost 17cm above my hips and only 4cm from my hips down. I never really look at my top - only how my pants fit and clearly they aren't fitting any differently because I have only lost 2cm on my hips, and 1cm on each of my calves and nothing on my thighs.  I have been thinking about it since I measured myself and when I think back, I am sure that this is how I have lost weight previously.  I start losing from my top which is where I am not fussed about and then eventually it starts to move from my lower half which is where I really want it to move from.

Last night A and I went for a cycle - into a really strong head wind - and we cycled 13.5kms at an average a smidge under 20kph, which, given the conditions, I was really happy with.  The thing that really annoys me (well annoys probably isn't the right word but I can't think of another word right now because there is too much noise around the office !!!!!!) is that so often we cycle into a head wind when we leave home (in anticipation of cycling with the wind on our way home) except that when we 'turn', the wind either drops, or changes direction and we cycle in the wind again.  It is a good work out for my legs but sometimes it does make them really tired !!!!! Anyhoo, what I am hoping is that if I can mix up the running, cycling and training the weight will HAVE to come off eventually.

My bike is plain old silver - not pretty pink like this one !!


My eating is spot on, I am now doing L&E 7 days per week without any extra snacks or meals of any kind.  What I need to concentrate on (and it won't be today because I am on my way to Richlands to sort out something with a new system they are wanting to put in) is drinking more water.  I am trying to drink at least 1L of water before I have any soft drinks - not always easy because I LOATHE water with an absolute passion and the only water I will drink is filtered water. (Reminder to self - bring new water filter to work as the one at work is shot !)

On that note, while I still didn't make the 70's this week, I am one happy little 'not so large as I was last week' lady !

Love, hugs and positive energy !

TFTD : Laughing at our own mistakes can lengthen our own life.  Laughing at someone else's can shorten it - Cullen Hightower

Disappointed but still Determined !

As I have mentioned before, I am a scale whore.  I live and die (well not literally) by the number that comes up on the scale when I stand on it every single morning.  When I am in denial, I am not a scale whore, I do not step on the scale and, unless you offered to pay me squillions of $, I won't step on the scale.  My eating and exercise regime at the moment is partly to see a number I am happy with on the scale and partly to make sure that I am as healthy as I can be for my age.



Oh what I would give for this to be the number that I saw on the scale when I got on in the morning

(Having said that I don't want to have to lose a leg to see that number !!!!)

I have been doing L&E for nearly 6 weeks and my weight, during the week, is not going the way it is supposed to - it is not going down, it isn't even staying the same, it keeps going up.  I have even changed to 7 days of L&E rather than 5 days of L&E and just watching what I eat on the weekend and on Monday, my weight was up 1.2kgs from Thursday - HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN ?  How can I have 4 days of eating less than 1200 calories and I put on 1.2kg ?  A says - with all the exercise you are building muscle which is heavier than fat - but my clothes aren't any looser than they used to be.   My measurements don't appear to have got less so what is going on ?  I know that if I keep it up, I will see the results eventually but it is so demoralising.  Last year I lost about 27kgs in 6 months doing L&E and less exercise than I am doing now.  This time around I am exercising more and the weight seems to be taking longer to come off.

I spoke to the osteopath when I saw him this morning and he has recommended that I see a naturopath to see if everything is functioning like it should in case there is another reason why I seem to be battling with my weight so will see when I can get an appointment (I have been warned that it will be a while before I can get in to see her).

Yesterday I went for a run on the long loop (4.9km) and felt really good during the run but was absolutely devastated when I uploaded my time to find that it was 7'05"/km.  When I ran the same loop on Friday, I ran it in 7'03"/km.  And, when I ran the 3.3km loop on Wednesday I did it in 6'58"/km.  I was talking to A about it when we were in the car last night and was saying to him that I can't work it out - I would have to be the LEAST competitive person on this earth that I know of and yet I get really upset with myself because my runs are more than the 7'00"/km.  I mean at the end of the day, I am talking about less than 35 secs over just under 5 kms but it is really getting to me.  If I knew why it was so important to me, it would help because at the end of the day, it really isn't a big deal but for some reason it has taken on a life of it's own in my head and it is sitting there like this big black cloud waiting to pour on my parade if I can't get under bloody 7mins !

But, I am determined to stay on track with my food and my exercise because I know that if I keep on with it I will see the results.  I just have to be PATIENT (not a word that is normally found in my vocabulary !!!)  The other night I was up in the middle of the night and I went onto the computer rather than into the pantry to see what I could eat - I did feel like that was a win for me.  I am the worst midnight snack eater although now that my sleeping habits are becoming more normal, I am not awake as much during the night as I used to be which is good because that was when I did a lot of eating - often mindless eating because I was the only one in the family awake and what better time to eat a whole heap of cr*p when nobody is around to see just exactly how much I can shovel into my face !

Tonight there is no training - we are off to see Kings of Leon.  The concert was originally in Jan or Feb this year but due to the drummer having to have an operation on his shoulder, we got bumped to the end of their tour.  And, to make matters worse, they have put on an extra show - on the Gold Coast - instead we get to schlep all the way to the Brisbane Entertainment Centre at Boondall !!!!!  But, I have heard that it is a great concert so hopefully worth the schelp.

Have an absolutely terrific Tuesday !

Love, hugs and positive energy.

TFTD : Everybody get so much information all day long that they lose their common sense - Gertrude Stein

A Loss is A Loss

Well, 0.4kgs is less than what I was hoping for and less than what the scale said I had lost yesterday morning but I have come to accept that the scales can't rule my life (even though I let them the other day when I lost my mojo after they gave me the most unacceptable number when I got onto them that morning), so long as they are moving in the right direction I will be happy with what they say.

I will continue to aim to exercise 5 days out of 7 and give myself at least one rest day per week.

This week I ordered 7 days of L&E in a bid to get to be a 70's girl by next week but promise  hope not to beat myself up if that doesn't happen.

Gotta dash - busy with month end !

Love, hugs and positive energy.

TFTD : Half an hour's meditation each day is essential, except when you are busy.  Then a full hour is needed. - St Francis de Sales

A Pinch and A Punch ......

And thank goodness my mojo was found over night !

Thanks to Mama Jots for the inspiration for this picture this morning.

Went for a run last night - 4.89km at 7'06"/km which is slower than the 6'50"/km that I ran the other night but also nearly 1.5km further and I ran for longer.  A cycle next to me and was most impressed with the distance that I actually ran (think I only walked 2 short lamp posts).  My right calf hurt a bit while I was running but I got home and iced it before my client arrived and it feels much better this morning.

Then had a client in for a massage - her baby is due next week and I really felt for her in the last week of her pregnancy - she has absolutely NO idea of how much her life is going to change - sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse !!!!  But, no matter what, I hope that she has a relatively very easy delivery and that the baby is happy and healthy and brings them lots of joy (knowing full well that there will be plenty of heartache thrown in for good measure !!!).

My weight was down this morning which is a good an excellent thing because I think that was where I lost my mojo yesterday.  I have been doing so well with my eating and making such good choices (apart from the hiccups on Friday) foodwise, that I couldn't understand how my weight could keep going up.  A asked if I had taken into account that I was building muscle with all the exercise I am doing and losing fat but I said that my clothes weren't any looser than they have been - so really didn't know what to think.  But, the scale showed me where I felt I should be this morning and so all is well in my world !!!!! (Fickle as I am, it doesn't take much to make me happy - or make me sad either !)

To whoever read my blog and referenced back to it from your blog - a BIG THANK YOU !  I don't know if there is a way for me to find out who did this but I do thank you for the traffic you passed my way.  My aim with this blog is not only to keep me accountable but to maybe help someone else on their journey - pretty much the same as The Body and Feet Retreat that I run, my aim is that every client walks out feeling more relaxed and better able to cope with what life may throw at them and in return, I am energised and revitalised by giving the treatment.

Have the best Tuesday ever - take care and go safely !

Love, hugs and positive energy

Release Potential

When you realise and accept who you are,

you will release this potential and your gifts

for all to enjoy.

Discover your uniqueness and share you gift

with all on your path.

Universal Symbols by Ken Dowling

Another Loss !


This morning saw me step on the scales very gingerly - after the Oreo truffles episode, I wasn't that keen to see the outcome.  But it was all good - a loss of 0.8kgs which is more than my weekly goal of 0.5kgs and certainly more than I thought I would be showing especially given that my weight has been up the whole week (I am a scale whore of note and weigh myself every single morning - that is how I know when I am out of control because I cannot get on the scales for love nor money - well actually I might get on for money if someone would give me some to get on and show them the number !!!)

Isn't it funny - last week I had the thought that if I was up I was going to buy a date scone on the way to work and when I was down I thought that maybe I should leave the date scone for someone else and not undo the hard work that I had already put in.  This morning I never even thought about the date scone until I was already on the freeway and way past the bakery - does this mean I am starting to not relate rewarding myself with giving myself food or does it just mean that I was more off with the fairies than normal - will have to wait and see what happens in the future for the answer to that one (and yes, I am sure there are a few people out there nodding their heads saying - definitely more off with the fairies but that is OK - someone has to do it !!!!)

Have a fantastic day - love, hugs and positive energy !

TFTD : Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is - Albert Camus