Wednesday 16 May 2012

My Dad........ My Hero

Dad and Mom last year on Mom's birthday

Up until about 4 years ago I thought my Dad knew everything.  When I was little there was nothing he couldn't fix, nothing he couldn't make and nothing he didn't know.  Little did I know that most of the time he said what he said with so much confidence and not nearly enough knowledge, that I always believed him. I believed in him and what he could accomplish because he never led me to believe anything else.

About 4 years ago I started to question things that he said and slowly came to the realisation that he didn't really know everything - all he did was say everything with so much conviction that if you didn't know otherwise you believed what he said.  Since then we have had many laughs over what he says and whether it is actually true - it has become a family joke now and he doesn't mind that it is often at his expense (because he got away with it for so many years !!!)

In December 2010 he was diagnosed with a melanoma on his forehead and the plastic surgeon gave him 5 years to live - 5 YEARS - that wasn't long enough - I need more time with him !!!  They operated before Christmas to remove the melanoma.  In March 2011 he found a lump on his face in front of his ear.  The cancer had spread and they did a radical neck dissection in May 11, taking out 18 lymph nodes.  He went through 5 weeks of radiation and really battled to recover from that.

In December 2011 they gave him a clean bill of health.  Early in February 12, 6 weeks after the clean bill of health, they found another lump, further down his neck.  They operated in April 12 and took out the remaining 13 lymph nodes.  On 5th June 12 he will start another round of radiation and all the horrors that go with it - the sores, the lack of taste, the weight loss, the tiredness. 

But he is a fighter - when I was little I never remember him being there much - he was either running, playing tennis or working around the house.  He ran the Comrades Marathon in South Africa, a 90km run from Durban to Pietermaritzburg - 10 TIMES.  (Talking to him the other night he said that he used to train for about 2-3 months for the marathon so my idea that he was always running is probably not that true - it is just how I remember it being).  He ran the 100 miler TWICE - can you imagine that - running 100 miles around a cycle track and not going out of your mind - or maybe you had to be out of your mind before you actually did it - I don't know !!!!!  He wasn't a Dad who sat and read with us or played with us because he was always busy with the house or sport but that is what most Dad's did in those days.  He also wasn't a Dad who went to the pub with his mates to have a drink - in fact I don't recall him ever going to a pub to have a drink - if he wanted a drink he came home and had one with Mom or we all went out to dinner at a restaurant.  Having said that, I never remember him not answering a question when we asked it (even though now I know he probably made up the answer anyway !!!), not fixing something of ours when it was broken or building something that we needed.

He was the Dad who dropped me off if I was going out before I had my licence and then came back and picked me up when it was time to go home.  He was the Dad who patiently waited, after arriving at said pick up time of midnight, until 1am or 2am because we were having so much fun and nobody else was going home.  He was the Dad who took me to and from work so I didn't have to catch the bus, especially in winter when it was a bit cold !!!!

We have had many discussions since I have become an adult with my own child of how different we have been as parents to what he and my Mom were like.  He acknowledges that he often said no because he could and not because there was any reason for saying no - and he regrets it.  He acknowledges that he never played with us much - and he regrets that too.  And he has made up for it with his grand-children - more so with our daughter than my brother's child mainly because my ex SIL wouldn't let them see my nephew very much.

I know that leaving them behind when we moved countries was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  My Mom was not very computer savy and I tried to show her before we left how to e-mail because I couldn't afford to phone them every day.  My Dad was the one who mailed me every day - telling us what they had been up to and how they were. 

My Dad is my hero - he has done some amazing things in his life and I am so proud to call him Dad.  He has been supportive without being over bearing.  He has offered advice and then stepped back and let us make our own decisions.  He has been there, no matter what, to catch me if I fell. 

I love you Dad and no matter what happens, whenever you leave, it will be too soon.

Linking in with Kate from katesaysstuff for Thankful Thursday and Dorothy from Singular Insanity for Things I Know.

19 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post.....

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  2. This post could have been written by me as thats exactly how life with 'my dad' was up until he started having some serious heart problems six years ago. In 2008 he was in hospital more then he was out of it and at one point we honestly didn't expect him to make it home ever again. Since that time every bit of time is a real blessing and thankfully we have been so fortunate to have him around for four more years of christmas's and other celebrations that we never thought we would get. Life is precious and the ones we love are what makes it that way. It certainly makes you realise to value the time you have with the ones you loves SOOO much, when you have had to face the fact that they won't be around forever. Although I totally agree that no time will be a good time, and it will always be too soon to lose my Dad too, I realise that just having a Dad like this is in the first place has been the real blessing in my life. Thank you for the post.

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    1. Thanks for popping by Lynise - yes, this has certainly made me value every time that I get to spend with my folks. We went out to dinner on Saturday night for K's 20th birthday and we had the best time ever - lots of laughing and joking - it was just great. I really appreciate that they made the move to follow us here and that we get to spend the time with them.
      Love, hugs and positive energy.
      Me
      PS - I tried to go to your blog but there were no posts - do you have a blog somewhere else ?
      Thanks - Me

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  3. That IS a powerful, precious and poignant post about your Dad. I've popped over from Kate Says Stuff, and I think our kids would be thinking that about their dad too. My hub has parkinsons disease and a few other nasties, and at "only" 63 he is a shadow of his former self. But, memories are good, and he can still have good conversations with his kids and for that we are glad.
    Much hope to you all that your Dad's quality of life continues to be awesome
    Denyse

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    1. Thanks Denyse. Sorry to hear your husband has parkinsons - it must be difficult for all of you. Glad to hear that you still have good conversations and I am sure, lots of memories.
      Take care and I hope you could keep up with the your grandchildren today.
      Me

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  4. This has me in tears, here. Such a beautiful post, I hope he reads it! Don't wait until it's too late to share these words with him. We lost our dad WAY too early! It still kills me. And it kills me that Nicklas will grow up without a granddad, as my husband's dad passed way too early also. Heart disease and cancer can kiss my white ass! Lovely post, Linda. Lots to be grateful for in your dad, for sure. xo

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    1. Thanks A. He won't be reading it because he doesn't know I have a blog. It is so sad when children don't have grandparents or grandparents who don't interact much with their grandchildren.
      I am with you - heart disease and cancer really suck.
      Take care and have a great Friday !
      Me

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    2. maybe you could re-word it into a letter, print it out and give it to him. x

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  5. Just beautiful. What a wonderful dad you dad is. How good are dad's?!

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    1. Thanks Mandie - the great thing is that my husband is also a great Dad (and most of the time K thinks so except when he is making lame Dad jokes or being silly !!!)
      Have a fantastic day !
      Me

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  6. Best wishes for you and you Dad with the treatments coming up. He does sound like a fighter, like you said, a very strong man. How lovely for you to have him as your hero, what a beautiful post.

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    1. Thank you - yes, I am very proud to call him Dad !
      Have a great Friday and an even better weekend.
      Me

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  7. This is just so lovely to read. My relationship with my dad is difficult so I'm a little jealous you have such a wonderful one with your dad even though he's so far away. So great he's receptive to email!!

    Have a lovely weekend, kate x

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    1. Thanks Kate. Actually my Dad now lives in Australia and is only about 5.5kms away. They moved over about 6 years after we did so during that time we would mail each other daily because we couldn't afford daily phone calls. Now we are back to seeing each other every couple of days and talking on the phone on the days we don't see each other. Sorry to hear that your relationshipwith your Dad is difficult - sounds like my relationship with my brother !!!
      Have a great weekend and take care - love, hugs and positive energy !
      Me

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  8. I'm sorry to read this post :( Your dad is lucky to have someone who loves him so much, and I believe he'll always be there to catch you when you fall. He sounds like a very wise man. x

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    1. Thanks Ms Optimism - you are right, I think that no matter how sick he may be, he will always be there to catch me. I popped in to see them today and we had so many laughs - memories to keep and pull out later.
      Love, hugs and positive energy - have a great weekend !
      Me

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  9. I can really identify with this, my dad is sadly no longer with us and as you say he too went far too soon. Your dad sounds very much like mine, always the one to pick us up from late nights when other dads didnt. Your dad sounds like a great man and such a fighter, good luck to him as he continues in his fight with this awful disease. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

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  10. I can really identify with this, my dad is sadly no longer with us and as you say he too went far too soon. Your dad sounds very much like mine, always the one to pick us up from late nights when other dads didnt. Your dad sounds like a great man and such a fighter, good luck to him as he continues in his fight with this awful disease. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

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