This Moment In Time

This morning I read Miss Cinders from Saturday Morning Ogre Mum and it really made me think about exactly where I am at this moment, so, while she has committed to make this a weekly post, I have said I will try for fortnightly, monthly or whenever I remember !!

Thinking about – whyI can't get the tax accounts to balance - they shouldn't be this hard.

Feeling - sad because I have had about 2-3 really good weeks where I have felt like I am coping so well.  Yesterday it felt like it all came crashing down on me.  I don't know if it was because we had such a great weekend or knowing that, sometime soon, A will be leaving for Townsville.

Watching - my weight on the scales daily and trying not to get despondent because the scales aren't  moving despite having cut out sugar, wheat and dairy.  I know it is due to the medication that I am taking that I am slowly weaning myself off, except for the next two weeks I have said I will continue with the same dosage as it looks like we may be having a 21st party for K after all and, with less than two weeks until D-Day, and A away (and, at this stage, we don't even know if he will be able to come home for her birthday) I don't think I can be cutting down without sending myself over the edge.

Making me happy - that the whole menopause thing seems to be coming under control.  Tackling one problem at a time was certainly the right way to go about it.

Listening to – I would be listening to meditation CD's if I had a CD player that worked

Reading – Bridget Jones' Diary - a light, entertaining read that I took away with me on the weekend but didn't get to finish while we were away

Eating – new paleo recipes that I have found that are so yummy - why did I not do this sooner ?

Following – GC Suns as they continue on their journey, hopefully with more wins this year.

Looking forward to - 13th May when the 21st will be over.

Outraged by - the deficite that the government is now declaring.

Planning for – a rushed 21st party.

Waiting for – to hear exactly when A is leaving for Townsville.  I am trying so hard to be flexible about this, and I know it isn't his fault, but honestly, they couldn't organise a p*ss up in a brewery if their lives depended on it.  He has already been up there last week for 3 days.  He came home because they had authorised his leave before they decided to send him up there.  He was supposed to go back yesterday - the ute which was supposed to be ready on Friday wasn't ready yesterday - it's supposed to be ready today - and, depending on what time it is ready (IF it is ready) will determine whether he leaves today or tomorrow, or if the ute isn't ready today, then who knows when he will leave.  In the meantime the work up there is piling up and he is fluffing around with stuff down here.  His boss is away until lunch time today (on a boat cruise) so isn't contactable to find out, if he goes to Townsville now, can we fly him home on 9th and then back on 13th - so the longer we have to wait on that answer the more expensive the tickets are getting.  I don't do patience very well and this is no exception !!!!!

And, because it is Tuesday, I'm linking in with Essentially Jess for #IBOT.

TFTD : One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to like everyone, everyone doesn’t have to like us, and that’s OK.

I Must Confess ................

Today I am linking in with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess ............. because I can !

I have had my share of hair disasters !!  I have absolutely straight hair and, for many years, I would have killed  done almost anything to have curls.  So much so I did - I had perms - home perms - enough said !!!  Then I had the peanut perm - again, enough said. (Just found a pic of me with short hair - probably one of my not so bad hair styles !!!!)

But, today I want to confess, that I do like to go away for a weekend - especially a long weekend.

Back in the good old days before we all moved to Australia, BIL and SIL and A and myself went away for a couple of weekends sans children.  We would find a place about half way between where the two families lived and meet up there.  Invariably, there would be lots of laughs, a fair amount of drinking, a small bonfire or three and a great time was had by all.

Of late A and I have been making a concerted effort to get away for a weekend every 3-4 months - to be able to reconnect and be together without the distractions of a 20yo (yes they can be very distracting at times !!!), house work that needs to be done, stuff in the garden that needs to be done and the day to day grind.

After our last weekend away (when we got stuck in Stanthorpe due to the floods), they said we should go away together again.  And so the idea was hatched.  Decisions needed to be made about whether we were going to go up the coast, down the coast or inland.  We finally settled on Lennox Head because we found a good deal for accommodation there.  We all put in for leave for Friday as Thursday was ANZAC Day and a public holiday over here.

We had such a great break. I cannot believe how quickly those 4 days went.  We talked, we laughed, we went for walks along the beach, the girls chatted, the guys chatted and sometimes we chatted with our significant other away from everyone, we ate, we laughed some more, we drank (not nearly as much as we used to !!), we watched Suns beat GWS, and SIL and I had a massage and facial special that we found at a local spa.

We ate at some amazing restaurants / cafes - and I found some really good gluten free bread at the local IGA that I think I may be able to get up here.  I had packed a heap of snacks for me so that I didn't get caught short being out and about and not having anything to eat and it worked out really well - I didn't feel like I was denying myself when everyone else was eating - it made all the difference to the weekend for me.

Yesterday we packed up and went to the Bangalow Markets on our way home and had a great wander around there.  I found a stall that sold dairy free, gluten free and sugar free goodies - it was very exciting buying one of a few things and then getting home yesterday to have a taste and see which I liked (for the record - chocolate and avo cake is to die for, chocolate and beetroot cake, not so much - I think maybe if the beetroot had been grated a little finer it would have been nicer).

We all had such a great time that it looks like this may become a twice-yearly outing for us.

Do you go on holiday / away for mini-breaks with your family ?

 

TFTD : Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated.  You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps - David Lloyd George

Paleo ................... A Lifestyle Change

On Monday 8th April, I was told that if I didn't change my lifestyle, there is an excellent chance that I will be diabetic in 5-10 years time.  Understanding that diabetes is the pre-cursor to many major illnesses, it left me with no choice but to make the change.

I have done a paleo kind of diet before so it wasn't completely new to me EXCEPT this time I wasn't cutting corners like I did the last time.  There were occasions when we went out and I had pizza (wheat and dairy), there were times we went out and I had muffins / pancakes / chocolates / grainwaves (wheat and sugar) - because, at the end of the day life was worth living and who wants to deny themselves everything all of the time ?  I certainly didn't want to deny myself all the time and I was happy to make the occasional compromise.

Now I am faced with the challenge of - how many compromises are OK ?  Is one a day OK ?  Is one a week OK ?  Is a wedding / birthday / celebration OK ?  Since 8th April - I have cut out soft drinks completely - I have been drinking water, veggie juice, V8 fruit juice (1/2 glass a day max) and soda water with a dash of lime in it.  I went from probably 2-3L of coke a day, to nothing - and that was fine - I ate carrot sticks and gluten free dairy free dip.  On Saturday I felt like a coke.  I would have given my first born  right ovary (without anaesthetic) for a coke.  I wanted it so badly I could taste it.  On Sunday I would have given both my ovaries for a coke - but I didn't.  I had the bloody veggie juice and I sucked it up.

Sunday afternoon A left for Townsville.  We have known for quite a while that he was going to have to travel we just didn't know when.  A few weeks ago I doubt I would have been able to get through the day without him here but I am feeling so much stronger in myself that I know that I will be fine.  I miss him dreadfully but I know that he has to do this and there is nothing I can do except accept that he is away and get on with what I need to do.

Tonight I got home from work and was watching TV when K got home.  We had dinner and she fell asleep on the couch next to me.  I wanted that bloody coke so badly again.  I had some more veggie juice instead.  I got up from the couch, had a shower and eventually got that coke out of the fridge and in three glugs, it was gone.  And I thoroughly enjoyed every single drop of it.  Will that increase my risk of diabetes ?  I honestly don't know.  Can I stop at one ?  Bloody oath I can - because if I don't one becomes two becomes more than a few and the slippery slope appears out of nowhere.

My eating has been great.  I am finding it difficult when we are out to find suitable food to eat but I think that may just be a learning thing for me.  I made some lovely apple and macadamia biscuits last week.  K and I made more on Sunday as well as some apple and cinnamon biscuits and some banana and pecan muffins.  While there is no sugar in these, they do provide great 'sweet' snacks - something that I do miss.  Some people suggested first cutting out wheat and then dairy and then sugar but I found it easier to just cut it all out together - sort of like pulling the plaster off in one quick swipe instead of slowly pulling it off.  It has meant that I have had to be more prepared with my meals - I have to make sure that I cook enough at night so that there are enough for left overs another night as well as enough for me to take for lunch as well.  Sometimes I battle with having protein at every meal.  The only way I can do it at breakfast is with protein powder in my smoothie.  I do miss having toast for breakfast or with fresh bread with soup - there is nothing nicer than hot toast with squished up avo and a dash of salt for breakfast - unless it is a fruit smoothie made with coconut milk, fruit, egg and protein powder - because that is  my reality now and I am embracing it and enjoying it.

This coming weekend is going to provide a big challenge for me from a food point of view - we are going away with BIL and SIL.  They both understand the situation I am in and A, being so supportive, will do his best to make sure that we go to places where I can find things to eat.  I have my trusty Paleo app on my phone that I can pull out in emergencies to find out exactly whether I can or can't eat something.  If the worst comes to the worst, I can get a plate of steamed veggies and tuck into the biltong (like jerky only 1000 times better !!!) that I am supposed to be making while A is away !!!

When we realised that he was going to be away until the night before we left, I went into a bit of a panic because I had asked him to make biltong for us to take away with us.  He already had it marinading in the fridge but he knew that there was no ways I would hang it, so he hung it before he left with strict instructions about when I was to switch the light on (at night) and off (in the morning) so that it kept the drying process going through the night.  First night he is away - I think to myself "I'm sure he said that it was OK for tonight to switch the light on tomorrow night because he only switched the light off before he left for the airport at 2.30" - so I didn't switch it on.  I called him when I was on my way home and he asks "You must have remembered to switch the light off this morning because I called K to say good morning and asked her to check and she said that the light was off."  "Uhmmmm - no - I didn't put it on last night - I thought you said it was OK to leave until tonight."  Clearly that wasn't right.  So I told him I would switch it on as soon as I got home - for pete's sake I have to walk right past it in the garage to get to the house !!!!  Well, I forgot - completely - until at about 8.30pm K said "Hey Mom - do you think we can have some biltong with dinner ?" - The words "Bugger Poo Bum" (or quite possibly something a little stronger) came out my mouth as I dashed as fast as my chubby legs would carry me to the garage to switch the bloody biltong box light on !!!  Geez, I hope I remember to switch it off tomorrow.  That biltong probably has no idea of what is going on - if it turns out to be any good it will be in spite of everything I have done and not because of everything I have (or haven't) done !!!!

On Sunday night I went for a walk that was probably about 1km long - don't know how long it took me but I was happy that I felt HEAPS better than I did the last time I walked with Al last week.  Maybe things are starting to turn the corner for me.

I have also been reading a book called "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers.  I can't tell you what a great book it is although, for me, it is one that I am going to have to read a couple of times as I find I get a little over whelmed sometimes with all the information in there.  I really think it will make a difference to how I move forward in life - more positive and looking for solutions instead of problems.  She talks about a no lose model - the one where, no matter which decision you make, it is the right one for you, that there are things you learn along the way that you will need for later in life, or to introduce you to different situations / people.  I really want to start living like this - stop second guessing decisions that I have made and learn from every situation that I am in.

And, because it is Tuesday, I am joining in with Essentially Jess for #IBOT.

Have you linked in with Jess today ?

TFTD : You're not a failure if you don't make it, you're a success because you try - Susan Jeffers

Things I Know

YAY - it's Friday (I ALWAYS know when it's Friday !!) which means that it is time to link up with Miss Cinders from Saturday Morning Ogre Mum because, as I never fail to remind you because MC never fails to remind me, we all know sh*t !!

- I know that I am so happy for our Polish friends who, finally, have been granted permanent residency.

- I know that I am sad that A has to go to Townsville for work on Sunday night.

- I know that I am happy he will be home on Wednesday night because we are going away for the long weekend.

- I know that when we get back from the weekend away, he will be going away for a long time but that is OK because I know that I am strong enough to cope with everything while he is gone.

- I think I have turned a corner health wise.  The 0.9kg that I was so pleased about losing last week has found it's way back plus more which I just find so bloody strange given I have had no sugar, no dairy and only a smidgen of cornflour since Tuesday of last week BUT I am going to keep on with it because I know that it is the right thing for my body right now - just now my body will realise it and do what it is supposed to do which is, lose this bloody weight !!!!

- I know that I wanted to get my Ranty McRanty pants on today but have decided to keep that for another day.

- I know that I am happy that I finally made my choices for loans through Kiva.  I realised that while I was fluffing around about how to decide who to support, my money wasn't helping anyone.  So I took the plunge with a lady from El Salvador and one from Ecuador.  Since last night the lady from Ecuador has received 100% of her funding and the other lady has moved to 60%.  I am really excited about following the journey that these ladies take - I think I can follow it sort of on Kiva (but I may be completely wrong about that - will have to see !!!)

- I know that I am loving the Yumi's dips - gluten free and dairy free - they are my new favourite snacks.  The kalamata olive and sweet potatoe/cashews are excellent with carrot sticks.

- I know that making sweet potato crisps is more time consuming and fiddly than I expected and, I am not so sure that it is cost effective, but they are tastier than store bought ones.

- I know that, while my health is not all that great at the moment, things could be so much worse.  I know that, for me, right now, life is good and I am happy.

- I know that love my TFTD today because it is so very, very true.

Have the best Friday and an even better weekend !

TFTD :  If you don’t work and fight for what you want, don’t complain and cry over what you've lost.

Thankful Thursday

I wanted this post to be something different to normal Thankful Thursday post that I write but honestly, my brain just won't function this late in the day !!!

Joining in with Leigh from Six By The Bay - and in no particular order :

- I am thankful that the bomb that went off at the Boston Marathon did not do more damage.  While I am not in any way, shape or form condoning what they did or diminishing the fact that three innocent people lost their lives and countless others have had their lives irrevocably changed in one of the most tragic ways, but, the damage could have been so much worse.  Having lived in South Africa for over 30 years, I lived through bomb blasts being an almost weekly occurrence.  What they would do is have a smaller bomb go off first, then when police/ambulance/rescuers were on the scene, a bigger bomb would be detonated thereby killing and maiming even more people.

- I am thankful that I have such supportive friends - both on line and IRL.  I have been absolutely amazed at the support that I have received over the past couple of months and I can't say enough times how thankful I am.

- I am thankful for Twitter - where any question that I ask will garner an answer.  Sometimes it is just the reassurance that I need.

- I am thankful for being financially stable so that as we need to change our spending habits to accommodate the new needs as a result of the change in our lifestyle, we can do that.  (And, if I have jinxed our position with this thankfulness I will be more than a little miserable at the universe)

- I am EXTREMELY thankful that the twice that I nodded off in the car while driving back from a board meeting at Richlands, did not result in any accident.  I would never have forgiven myself if I had had an accident because I was driving while I was tired.

- I am thankful that I am learning to be kind to myself and be patient with my body - these are not things that are going to change over-night and I need to allow them to take the time they need.

- I am thankful that I have learnt the art of being flexible - I didn't used to be flexible - in fact, I was very inflexible and planned.  I didn't 'do' spontaneous.  I didn't 'do' changes.  Now I do.  Now I can be spontaneous and flexible, and I am comfortable with that, which is great because in the last 24 hrs we have gone from A being sent to Cairns this morning - to him not going because the ute he has won't make it - to him flying there today - to him staying at home - to him going to Townsville.  So, at this point I really don't know where he is going or when he is leaving - and that is OK because I know that, while I will miss him when he isn't there, I will manage.  I will keep doing what I need to do and it will all be good because I am stronger than I thought I was.

What are you thankful for today ?

Have the best Thurday possible !

TFTD :  Life is about learning from the past, trusting your intuition going forward, taking chances, finding happiness, and realizing everything happens for a reason.

Is This It .............. For Now ?

On Friday I finally got a phone call from the naturopath at Mrs Flannery's to say that the adrenal support could be taken in conjunction with the anti-depressant I am on.  So I stopped off and picked them up and started to take them.  I also picked up the herbal tablets that my folks brought back from South Africa that helped my sister when she was going through menopause and started taking those.

I had lost 0.9kg between Tuesday and Saturday - and that was good - it was the start of the new lifestyle and there was some indication that it was doing what it was supposed to do (to a certain extent) - losing weight as well as living a healthier lifestyle.  This morning I was up 0.4kg - totally don't understand that as I have stuck 100% to the no wheat, no dairy, no sugar eating plan - but, that is OK - I am sure that in the end the weight will move and, while this is about losing weight, it is mainly about getting my body as healthy as I can, as I get older.

I can't say I feel any better yet - I can't say that I am less tired - I can't say that I feel any different to how I felt last week, but I have to believe that if I continue to feed my body with good quality, healthy food, I have to see the results as some point in the future.

Now - the crux of this post - we had some unexpected free time when we got home from work last night and A had suggested earlier in the day that we go for a walk.  I certainly didn't feel up to walking anywhere other than to my bedroom but I got home and felt bad about not doing anything for so long, so agreed we would go for a walk BUT only as far as BIL and then back.  We got changed and left.  Never before has A walked faster than me.  Never before has A had to slow down so I could catch up to him.  Never before have I walked 1.4km and felt so buggered.  Never before have I walked 1.4km and got home, curled up on the couch and slept for a couple of hours.  So my question is this - is this it for me ?  Is this my exercise regime totally out the window now ?  Is this a short term set back ?  Is this me being too hard on myself and not making allowances for the adrenal fatigue / hypoglycemia ?  Is this me making excuses for why I am not exercising ? 

I was supposed to do the 5km Color Run on Sunday which was cancelled due to the cr*ppy weather on Saturday - I wasn't expecting to run the 5km but after my pathetic attempt at a walk last night, I very much doubt I would have even made the 5km on Sunday. 

Is this what it has come down to for me, for now ?  Battling to walk 1.4km after being able to run (albeit slower than I would have liked but given the situation not much I could do about it) 10km not even a month ago ? 

Is this where I have to work really hard on being kind to myself and just let go with whatever is happening until I can get back some control over how I feel and what I can accomplish ?

What do you think ?

And, because it is Tuesday it is time to link up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT.

TFTD :  A bad attitude is like a flat tyre, you can't go anywhere until you change it.

Not A Clue

I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what I am doing.  In reality I am trying to link up to Bloglovin' but I don't think that what I am doing is anything like it is supposed to be.  Please be patient while I find someone to help me !!!

Have the best weekend possible !

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Things I Know

YAY for Friday !!! Is EVERYONE as excited about it being Friday as I am ?????

And, because it's Friday that means it is time for Things I Know with Miss Cinders from Saturday Morning Ogre Mum.

This week I feel like I know so much it's hard to try to pick what to tell you about !!!  Here goes :

- I know that I was extremely happy to get up at 5am this morning to go to the airport to pick up the old people who arrived safely home from South Africa.  I always worry when they are there.  It was soooooooooooooo good to see them.

- I know that I couldn't believe the amount of traffic on the freeway at that time of the morning - so much so that when we weren't stationary, we were only doing about 10kph.  Thank goodness for having to go through customs otherwise we may have been a teeny tiny bit late.

- I know that there are thousands of parkings at the airport parking but when you get there at 6.45 after everyone has parked and flown out for the day - you have to drive up a fair few levels trying to find a parking.

- I know that they have skimped on the sizes of their parking spaces - we don't have a big car but if I had been any bigger I probably wouldn't have been able to get out of  the car.

- I know that even though the light above the parking is green, it doesn't necessarily mean that the parking is available.

- I know that I have found (what appears to be from the quick look I have had) a great paleo blog.

- I know that, in the four stores I looked in last night, I could only find one paleo cookbook and when I opened it and had a look, it frightened me so I closed it, put it back on the shelf and hauled butt out the store.

- I know that there is going to be some adjusting happening in our home over the next couple of days as we get used to having K home and she gets used to not being "queen of her domain".

- I know that I am especially pleased that today is Friday which means tomorrow is Saturday and the next day is Sunday and that means I have more hours in the day when I can sleep.

- I know that Mrs Flannery's nearly lost me as a customer after taking 5 days to advise me whether or not I can take the adrenal support or not - who would have thought it would take that long ?

- I know that I am loving the V8 veggie juice.

- I know that my life is about to change in a big way and I am looking forward to it (there is nothing like a medical scare to make you take stock and change your priorities !!)

- I know that if the weather is miserable on Sunday I will probably pike on the colour run and just see my race fee as a donation to charity.

- I know that even if the weather is good, I won't be running the 5km.

Have the bestest weekend everyone and take care !

What do you know today ?

 

TFTD : The best way out is always through - Robert Frost

Thankful Thursday

It's Thursday which means it is time to link up with Leigh from Six By The Bay for Thankful Thursday.

I have so much to be thankful for this week - so, as always - in no particular order :

- I am thankful that K wasn't in her car when someone reversed into it at Helensvale shopping centre.  I am not thankful that they were real knuckleheads and drove off without leaving any details behind.

- I am thankful for another $150 visit to 'Maxine' because I found out there is a reason for my tiredness and weight gain.  I have insulin issues (I can't remember what the exact name was that she called it) and I have adrenal fatigue.  While I am not happy that there is something wrong with me, I am over joyed that we have started the process of finding out and resolving what is causing my tiredness and weight gain.

- I am thankful that the changes are things that I can do.  Lifestyle changes should see this come under control.  A paleo lifestyle is one that I am now embracing embarking on with some trepidation.  While I have 'sort of done paleo' previously, I wasn't 100% strict - if there was something that had wheat in and I really wanted it, I had it.  That is not the case now.  Maxine advised me that if I didn't change the way I ate, she could almost g'tee that, with whatever it is that my insulin is (or isn't) doing, I would be diabetic within 5-10 yrs.  That is not an option for me to even consider given that diabetes is a pre-cursor for just about any major health problem you can think of.

- I am thankful that the lady I work with is very knowledgeable about nutrition etc and has been a huge help and even given me recipes that I can use for meals.

- I am thankful to my on-line village - many of whom I have already started to pick their brains regarding paleo eating and adrenal fatigue.  If I could just stay focused enough in the evenings to do some research I would be extremely happy but generally by about 2-2.30pm my brain turns to mush and I am pretty much useless.  (I hope that they don't mind me picking their brains and if I become annoying they tell me !!)

- I am thankful that I can see adverts for runs and delete them without feeling like I am missing out on anything.

- I am thankful that the old people left South Africa last night and will be arriving home tomorrow morning, even if it means I need to get up before 5am to get to the airport on time.  While they thoroughly enjoyed the time they spent there with family and friends, my Mom said that she is really looking forward to coming home.  For a 75yo who lived in South Africa for 69 years, I think it is great that she sees Australia as home.

- I am thankful (again) for A who has been amazing on the two occasions we have been shopping since we found out what we need to do.  He makes sure that all labels are checked before the groceries go into the trolley.  Who would have thought that there was wheat in so many items ?

- I am thankful for the color run on Sunday morning.  I am doing it with a friend who is going through a bit of a tough time with her 19yo and I am sure that it will be a great way to release a lot of stress.

- I am thankful that we have a long weekend away at Lennox Head to look forward to at the end of April although now I am a little concerned about how I am going to deal with the whole food thing.  I feel that I don't have nearly enough information to try to handle a 4 day weekend away.

- I am thankful that we have been recording The Voice so I can fast forward through the annoying bits.

Have the best Thursday ever !

TFTD : Knowing is not enough, we must apply.  Willing is not enough, we must do - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Menopause - More Answers

Those of you who have been reading my blog will know the journey I have found myself on - nothing like the journey I actually set out on, but life is like that sometimes, it presents you with twists and turns you never expected, just to see how you cope in the face of adversity.  (Well that is how I think it works - I may be completely wrong but that's OK too !!!)

My weight gain and tiredness have been two of the big issues I have faced over the past few months.  Last week I had a cortisol test and a glucose tolerance test - and we have some answers. 

I went back to my absolute darling hormone doctor (lovingly known at home as Maxine because she reminds me of the cartoon character so much !!) yesterday for the results of the above-mentioned tests and YAY - there is a reason for my tiredness and weight gain.

I have adrenal fatigue and my insulin is not doing what it is supposed to with the carbs that I eat.

Finally, something I can actually do to change how I feel.

Finally, there is something I can control that will change how I feel.

I could have leapt across that table and kissed her I was so happy.  I don't think I have ever been so happy to be told that there is something wrong with me - but yesterday, it was the validation that I needed for myself, to know that it wasn't all in my head and that there was a very specific reason for what was happening.

Yes, there are still other issues that we are going to have to work on but just the fact that we have some reasons for the major issues is SUCH A RELIEF for A and I.

The bottom line is if I don't change my lifestyle I am almost guaranteed to be diabetic within 5-10 years.  So, it really is a no brainer - I don't have an option but to change my lifestyle.  I'm not going to kid anyone that it will be easy as I am the carbohydrate queen.  I did follow the paleo way of eating for a few months a while back, I do know it works, but this time I have to embrace it as my new way of life not a short term change for a specific outcome.

I also have a plan for reducing the anti-depressants that I am on because I do feel that I am coping so much better and don't need to be on the high dosage that I am on.  I have agreed that if I feel like I need to be on them I will stop the reduction plan and stay on the dosage that I am at that point.  The past 6-8 weeks when I have been kinder to myself and stopped beating myself up over everything that 'I should' be doing and instead allowing myself to do the things that I can manage - and if that means sleeping most of the weekend, then that is OK.  It has taken me a long time to accept that it is OK not to be superwoman - with this great job, fantastic exercise regime, good little business at home - it is OK to let A cook dinner and look after me because I am almost incapable of looking after myself, it doesn't mean I am any less a wife / mom - it just means I have accepted what my limitations are for now and that is not to say that they won't change in the future.

I have noticed lately as I have opened myself up more to helping people, the universe is thanking me by sending me new clients.  I can't tell you when I last had a new client.  In the past month I have had three new clients - two of whom have booked follow up treatments.

Linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT because we all know how we love to BOT !!

Life is good !

Have the best week ever !!!!!!

TFTD : Success doesn't come to you, you actually have to go and find it for yourself.

Things I Know

Today is Friday which means it's the Things I Know linky with Miss Cinders at Saturday Morning Ogre Mum (even though the linky may only be up a little later !!!!) because, as we all know and Miss Cinders never forgets to remind us, we all know sh*t !!

- I know that the 4 day Easter break went far too quickly - seems like it had just arrived and then it was over

- I know that the weather has absolutely no idea of what it is doing which means that we have even less chance of trying to predict what it will do

- I know that our pool would have had to be filled from the tanks this weekend - but, after the rain last night, it is over flowing so we can save the water in the tanks

- I know that this time next week the old people will be home and I will be happy to see them again

- I know that I only have to get through another 6.5hrs of work before I can go home and collapse lie on the couch in front of the TV

- I know that I am going to spend more time sleeping this weekend than doing anything else

- I know that the wind blowing the Weber over right outside our bedroom last night scared the cr*p out of me

- I know that having K housesit for the old people was a great move

- I know that the peace and quiet has been priceless

- I know that I may be tempted to contribute a small amount towards her weekly rental bill in order for her to be able to move out of home sooner rather than later

- I know that I have a friend who has a friend who has converted their garage into a studio apartment that would be ideal - now to just convince K about how great it would be

- I know that love my child more than I can say

- I also know that there comes a time when two adult ladies can't live in the same house without some friction / tension - especially when one is going through meonpause and the other (thinks she) knows everything there is to know about everything

Have the best weekend ever and take care !

TFTD :  Success is a risk. If you’re not feeling a little uneasy, then you’re not doing it right.

Thankful Thursday

It's been a while since I linked in for Thankful Thursday - it was always one of my favourite linkys because it made me stop and take stock of what I do have to be thankful for rather than complaining about what isn't right in my world.  Lately time seems to have got away from me and so I have missed Thursday's link up but I am back today - joining in with Leigh from Six By The Bay

A random list of things I am thankful for in no particular order (or is that already covered in the word random ????) :

- a caring hormone doctor who is sending me for tests to try to get to the bottom of the problem

- feeling like I am more my usual (not necessarily normal !!) self

- a comfy couch and heavenly bed as I have spent so much time sleeping lately, I would have hated for them to be uncomfortable

- A who continues to love, support, encourage and give me reality checks when I need them

- the space my online friends have given me so that I don't feel guilty about not blogging or getting around to reading other blogs/commenting

- the number of people who are stopping by my blog on a daily basis. I am still amazed at how many page visits per day I am getting - especially when I am not blogging as regularly as I used to.  To those who are stopping by - I would love it if you left me a comment even if only to say where you are from / how you found my blog

- random acts of kindness - both giving and receiving - it truly has been a blessing recently - the joy of giving has certainly helped me feel better

- a great win by the Suns over St Kilda - that was a game that we truly won on our own merit and not just because the other team lost (there is a difference between winning the game and the other side losing the game !!!  Yes, I am a bit anal like that !)

- cooler nights

Have the best day and take care !

TFTD : Our plans miscarry because they have no aim.  When a man does not know what harbour he is making for, no wind is the right wind - Seneca

Things I Know

This linky is more than a little late but given the long weekend and the fact that I was sleeping 14-16 hrs per day over said long weekend, there wasn't really much time to do anything else !

Linking in with Miss Cinders at Saturday Morning Ogre Mum for Things I Know because (as she is always so good to point out, and remind us, We all know sh*t.)

- I know that I am soooooooooo happy with the Suns' win over St Kilda - what a great game it was to watch, even the second time when we got home, and the third time the next morning when K came over and the fourth time on the replay on Sunday afternoon. 

- I know that I am soooooooooo tired of being tired - hopefully the glucose tolerance test and the cortisol tests tomorrow will show something isn't right and we can work towards getting it sorted out so I don't feel like this all the time.

- I know that I can sleep waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay longer than I ever thought possible.

- I know that cutting down on my exercise regime is the right thing for me to do right now - I will get back into it when we have some answers and can fix things.

- I know that I love having the old K back visiting us.  We saw a fair bit of her over the weekend and it was just lovely - she was an absolute pleasure to have around - long may it last.

- I know that I am happy that our vanity has been installed into the spare basin and we can work on getting the veranda cleared / tidied now that the vanity isn't there anymore.

- I know that I am missing my folks so much and can't wait for them to get home.  It's so good to hear that they are enjoying themselves and having a bit of a break while they are there but it will be even nicer to have them home again.

- I know that I have been feeling so much better recently (except for the tiredness) - the mood swings and irritability have been so much better, I haven't had an anxiety attack for a while now and the night sweats and itches have both been bearable of late.  Now if we could just get my weight and my skin under control - life would be grand !

- I know that I like hot x buns more than I like easter eggs (Note - more than easter eggs NOT chocolate).

- I know that my enthusiasim for crocheting seems to come and go for no apparent reason - I hope it comes and stays for a while before winter begins so I can make more blankets for the poor children who don't have any.

- I know that the few tasks I set for myself for the long weekend didn't get done.

- I know that I have been kind to myself and not beaten myself up for not doing above mentioned tasks - they are still on the list and will get done when I can get them done.

- I know that I have not been blog reading / commenting / answering comments on my own blog as regularly as I would like - see "I know" immediately above.

- I know that it is Tuesday which means it is #IBOT with Essentially Jess today.

Have a great short week and take care !

TFTD : The real issue is never the issue itself. The real issue is your attitude toward the issue.