DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness)

I'd love to say this a photo of the new me but that would be telling a porky - I am not blond, I don't have long hair, I don't have a flat stomach or butt and I certainly can't lift weights that look that big - 5kg is my maximum right now !!!!  But, this is what I was doing on Wednesday night - 3 x 20 Arnie's with said 5kg weights,  skipping, walking lunges with 10kg weights in each hand (no lifting involved so he pushed the weight up !!!), ab work using the fit ball amongst other things.  I did stretch afterwards, but yesterday I could still feel that I had had a decent workout, one that made me happy I had paid my money and gone to training.  The steps at work were a great reminder - just in case I had forgotten at any point during the day !  It made me feel like I had got my money's worth and that he had really worked me well.

This morning - I'm not so sure.  My obliques, my triceps, my glutes, my lats - are all screaming at me - but in a nice way !!!!!  While I didn't train last night due to other commitments, I am really pleased with my effort this week - despite everything that has been going on.  I love that DOMS feeling two days after training - it reinforces that I am pushing my body just a little bit harder each time and the absence of it lets me know that I was a slacker and should work harder at the next training !!!!

I recently went to Athlete's Foot and, after a lot of discussion with the lady and walking and trying on shoes, I found a pair that felt like they were made just for me.  They are supportive in the right places and they cushion in the right places.  They were $240.  I baulked.  A didn't even blink an eye - he said "We'll take them thank you."  Two days later we were at DFO and a shop there had exactly the same shoes for $100 - I nearly cried.  He didn't - he said "If we hadn't got the advice and tapped the knowledge that the lady had at AF, we never would have known that these were the right shoes to  buy for you." and promptly bought me another pair so that when I run out the first pair, I have a second pair waiting for me !!!!  How much more incentive do I need to get out there ?  Tonight I am hoping to try them out to see how they/I go !!

After 23 days of no soft drinks I was absolutely hanging out for Wednesday when I was going to have an ice-cold cold drink - I hadn't decided if it was going to be Coke Zero or Pepsi Max - such a difficult decision after 23 long days of water only.  The time came and I took a Coke Zero - opened it - I love the shoooosh as a can is opened - I savoured the smell.  Something I had missed for over 3 weeks !!!  And I took my first sip - it was lovely.  Just as good as I imagined !!!  I was in heaven (well nearly anyway).  And then I took another sip and another.  And 4 sips later I said to A - would you like this, I can't drink anymore !!!!!  It was the strangest thing - it just didn't do it for me like it used to.  Yesterday I only drank water at work and had a couple of sips of a Pepsi Max in the evening - can't finish a whole can - can't even finish half a can actually.  This is definitely a positive because I know all the bad things that are in those cold drinks but have always said, that is my one vice and I will deal with the consequences.  Maybe I am going to have to find myself another vice !!!!!!

Have the best weekend ever and take care, whatever you are doing !!!

I want to blog hop with katesaysstuff but don't know how to so if you want to - hop on over to her blog and go from there !!!!

TFTD : When you want what's inside of you more than what's outside of you, you will have it all.

Thankful Thursday

I think we all know how hectic life can get and it is sad when it gets so hectic that you lose touch with people who care about you.  That is how I have been over the past week or so - busy with stuff that couldn't wait or someone else couldn't do.  But in amongst all the chaos that has been my life, there were two amazing women who took the time to contact me to find out if I was OK because they hadn't seen me around the social media for a couple of days.  To say that I was absolutely blown away when I read their messages of care and concern would be an understatement - tears popped into my eyes as I was reading.  These are two ladies whom I have never met but who took the time to find out if I was OK.

This post is not a grouch because other people didn't wonder where I was.  This post is not about looking for people to check on me if I am quiet for a while.  This post is to honour my two friends for caring enough about me, someone they haven't  met, to get in touchto see how things were in my world.  I have family who have never done anything like that !!!!!

I am deeply touched by the support that I have found, not only from them, but from all my social media friends.  While some people may think it strange that others make friends over the internet who they may or may not meet, I love the fact that there are people out there who care enough to take time out of their hectic lives to check up on someone else.  Who think of others and not just themselves.  Who I hope one day to meet and give BIG hugs to because their thoughts mean more than they will ever know.

And, because it is Thursday I am going to link in with Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday because I am truly thankful to have such wonderful friends !

How Do I Change My Head ?

That title probably reads a little more cryptically than I would like but I can't come up with anything better right now.

As you are probably all know, my weight loss (or lack thereof) is a big part of my life.  While it doesn't define who I am, it certainly impacts on how I feel and how I act.  I have been trying really hard to lose these excess kilos as we were planning a winter holiday in Canada/USA and I figured that being bundled up in snow gear would already add 10-20kgs onto me never mind if I was 20 kilos heavier to start with - which would see me looking 30-40kgs heavier than I actually am.

So the quest began.  The LnE was in full force Monday - Friday and I was really careful about what I ate on the weekend and the weight started to move - nicely.  Then Christmas hit and, while it is only one day, A and I were both off between Christmas and New Year and we indulged - a little too much and some of the weight came back (as it does).  And then the battle started - over the period of 6 weeks I lost the grand total of 0.3kgs.  This was on top of doing LnE and exercising for 60-75mins 6 x week.  I was demotivated and frustrated and, on one hand wanted to pack it all in, but on the other hand knew I couldn't because of those bloody photos that would be taken.

I went and spoke to my Dr and spoke to her about coming off the pill and she recommended the low calorie diet that I am on.  I made the appointment with my naturopath and she told me what I had to do and I have been doing it - for 15 days and have lost 6.5kgs.  I go back to her next Monday to start the next phase of this diet.

What is doing my head in is the numbers on the scale.  I would LOVE to say that I don't care what they are so long as my clothes fit me but I would by lying - I DO care what they are.  I DO have a number in my head that I want to see on those scales.  But right now, with clothes on, I look at myself in the mirror and think that I DON'T look that bad.  A and K both say how good I am looking and that I don't look like I am over-weight BUT it doesn't help to change that number in my head.

When I got married I weighed 45 kgs - yes at 5'7" I was too thin.  I liked to be around 50-52 - I felt healthy and I felt good in whatever I wore.  I don't want to say that because I am closer to 50 than 40, it is OK for my weight to be closer to 75kgs than 65kgs - those were obscene numbers for me when I was younger and I think that there is still a part of me that thinks those numbers are obscene and doesn't want to see them on the scale. 

Why can I not get my head around the fact that IT IS ONLY A NUMBER ?  Why is it so important to me WHAT THAT NUMBER IS ?  Why will I try to kill myself to get to that number when, in all likelihood, I will not be able to maintain that weight when I get there and then I feel like a total failure when I bounce right up to a number that my body feels it can sustain ?  Sometimes it is those last few kilos that nearly kill me and I don't want to go there again - I want to be able to indulge occasionally without feeling like I have to deprive myself for the next week.  I want food NOT to be the whole focus of my being.  I want to accept that my body will never look like it did 26 years ago - AND THAT IT IS OK TO ACCEPT THAT.  Why can't I get my head around this - it shouldn't be this hard !!!!!

Sometimes things are just too difficult !

We're Off To See The Wizard

Milford Sound

the wonderful wizard of Oz - oopsie - wrong country !!!  We are off to New Zealand for two weeks in August.  The plans for our 25th wedding anniversary have changed somewhat !!  We were planning on going to Canada and having a white Christmas and celebrating our anniversary over there.  Then work issues happened and we couldn't do the train trip through the Rockies plus it is out of baseball season so we couldn't catch any games. 

A came up with a suggestion that we go to NZ in winter and then to Canada/USA in summer next year.  K and I shot that idea down in flames very quickly.  While he was away in Gladstone, K came to me and said "What about ....." and gave me that same scenario - I said to her - Dad suggested that you and didn't like the idea.  She said "Now I have warmed to it more - can you warm to it to ?"  And I could because I think it might be cheaper to go in summer than winter although we will then have to pay for the train trip but figure it isn't every day you get to celebrate being married for 25 years !!!!

So that is what we are doing - full steam ahead planning for two weeks in the south island - we just LOVE it over there (sorry to any people in the north island who might be reading this !!).  I am waiting to talk to the travel agent we have dealt with before tomorrow and then we can book our flights.  We booked our week in Wanaka today - a whole week for $163 for both of us. 

This is our plan so far - fly into Christchurch Thursday night.  Drive down to Wanaka on Friday.  At timeshare probably 5 maybe 6 nights.  Then drive to Invercargill (because we have never been there) - stay there over night and then drive to Dunedin the next day.  Probably spend two nights there and then take two days to drive up to Christchurch on the coastal road.  Spend a couple of nights in Christchurch and/or surrounds and then fly home in time to spend the weekend at home before going back to work.

If anyone reading this thinks that any of the above won't work - please pretty please let me know - we are used to driving big distances so that isn't an issue but I do know from the last time we were there that the distances travelled and the time taken are very different to here.

Lots of planning and googling and booking and phone calls - all very exciting !!!!!!

Here's to a fantastic break in August.

TFTD : When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt ! - Henry J Kaiser

I'm so Happy

Sorry - that is bigger than I wanted it to be but don't know how to make it smaller !!!!

This is the same flower that I had in my wedding bouquet nearly 25 years ago - a day that made me very happy.  Today I am happy for different reasons - firstly because A came home last night (late last night but last night none the less) and this morning I got up and put on a pair of pants and shirt that I haven't worn in I don't know how many months (a couple of years maybe ?) and I felt good.  I felt confident.  I felt like I could go out and conquer the world.

Isn't it amazing how the shift of a few kilos (I still have 6-8kgs to go) can make such a difference - just being able to wear these clothes, for me, is amazing.  I want to try a few more out that I have in my cupboard because if I can fit into these, I might be able to fit into them.

My goal is to fit into a T-shirt I bought quite a few years ago that says "You are just jealous because the voices don't talk to you" - one of my favourite sayings !!

Have the best evening possible !

TFTD : Those who see themselves as whole make no demands - A Course In Miracles

If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say ......

don't say anything at all ! (As a child I listened to the Bambi record I don't know how many times and can't remember how many times I have thought it since then.)

Recently there seem to be quite a few occasions where I have read comments from people and thought to myself 'Why did they write that ?'.  It was mean spirited or unkind or rude.  People, if you haven't got anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.

When I write a blog post, or post on FB or twitter - if you don't like what I (or anyone else for that matter) is saying - close out of the post and either don't come back or come back knowing that you may not like what I have written.  If you don't like what I post on FB or twitter - defriend me or stop following me.  At the end of the day, this is my blog and, while I hope that I don't offend people or post anything that is totally out there, it is still my blog.  It is also the reason that I don't get on with my brother - he stuck his nose in where it wasn't needed, didn't give me a chance to say anything, and maybe 4 years later, I still can't get over it.  Rightly or wrongly, it hurts that he listened to someone else and didn't listen to anything I had to say.  The incident I had written about was what happened - I didn't make it up, I didn't exaggerate it and I can't change it - what has happened, has happened and hopefully at some point I will get over it.

My blog is where I go because I like to type - and there are only so many letters / e-mails I can write to people.  I like to put down in words (not very well because I am not as eloquent as other bloggers that I read, I acknowledge that and I am OK with that) things that have happened or how I feel or what gets me up or when things get me down.  I find typing very cathartic - have no idea why, but I do.  So when I read nasty comments it really gets to me because we all blog for different reasons - but that isn't to say that it gives anyone the right to make a derogatory remark about what has been written, criticise the choices or decisions made - until you have walked a mile in that bloggers shoes - keep your nasty comments to yourself.

In all likelihood, the people that this post is targeted at will not read it but I feel better for having got it off my chest because it annoys me when I see it happening on other blogs and it has been worrying me that people are not considerate of others.

Onto happier things - A is on his way home and should be home in a couple of hours.  I am very excited and can't wait to see him again.  At this stage we don't know when/if he is going to have to go away again.  Tomorrow he is having some cancers cut out of his nose and ear and then is off work until Monday so he will have a good couple of days at home to rest up - this past job in Gladstone has been physically draining, largely due to the heat and humidity and he is really looking forward to a short break - I'm just sorry I can't take any days off to be with him.

Have the best Wednesday possible !

TFTD : Life is too precious to quibble over details.

Things I Love

The other day I was driving home from work and as I turned into our cul-de-sac I slowed right down because there were a heap of children on their bikes and scooters and skateboards in our road - all playing together - the older ones looking out for the younger ones (I hope !) and it reminded me of where I lived when we grew up.  While it was in a different country, when we were little we also lived in a cul-de-sac - we lived about half way down the hill and the cul-de-sac was at the bottom of the hill.  We spent so many hours riding our bikes up and down the hill, playing hop scotch and sitting on skateboards down the hill (well I did anyway because I was a ninny and thought I would fall off if I stood on the skateboard !!).  We had so much fun there and would all skadaddle to the side of the road when a car came down and either turned in the circle or went into a drive way.  Everyone knew everyone and while there was the occasional fight between the boys, we all got on really well even though there was a wide range of ages. 

When we first moved into the neighbourhood, we were the second family with a child.  Our neighbours had a daughter who was about 3 yo, K was nearly 8 and the rest were people who had retired and were waiting for God or waiting to go into a retirement home.  Most of them have now moved on (either to God or the retirement home) and we have a lot of younger families with children who have moved in - I LOVE seeing children outside playing instead of being cooped up inside in front of the TV or computer or similar.

YAY and a huge round of applause to those parents who encourage their children to play outside !

This weekend I went walking again - it has been far too long since I walked - for lots of reasons - not wanting to walk by myself, not having time, not being home because I was at the hospital - really all just excuses for being lazy and not just getting out there and DOING IT !  I walked on Saturday morning from about 9.30 and thought it would be better to walk earlier in the day before it got so hot.  I was planning on walking at about 8am on Sunday but K woke up and we spent a great 90 mins talking and laughing and fooling around and so it was after 9.30 by the time I got out the door - I wouldn't give up those 90 mins to walk earlier for anything.  I treasure every minute that I get to spend with her - most especially when she is in such a great mood !!!!!! 

While I walked on Saturday and Sunday, I recalled how I used to run - before the injury - and I ran little bits BUT my knee is still dodgy and not ready for me to run on.  I HATE that I can't run.  I HATE that for so many years I never ran because I thought I couldn't, instead of just getting out there and doing it because I could.  Nobody ever told me I couldn't except myself and now I am telling myself I can and my knee is bloody talking back saying it can't !!  It's not fair.  But that is life I guess and I will just have to deal with it !

Well these are the two things this week I have realised I really love.

What things in life do you love ?

TFTD : In real love you want the other person's good.  In romantic love you want the other person - Source unknown

Found my mojo (I think)

Firstly I want to thank all the new bloggers who have popped by and left comments - I can't tell you how much your thoughts mean to me.

I think I have found my mojo (see symbol above !!!).  The past couple of weeks have been difficult ones what with Dad's diagnosis, my issues with trying to lose weight, my lack of motivation to exercise when only days before I had been so motivated - but things are back on track - and I am happy about that.

My Dad's operation was a success - or as successful as they expected it to be.  They removed 14 lymph nodes and two were cancerous.  My folks leave for South Africa tomorrow afternoon - so really only a postponement of a couple of weeks for their trip although we could definitely have done without the reason for the postponement !

I started the low calorie diet that I mentioned in a previous blog and have lost 4kgs in 5 days.  It hasn't been easy but then I never expected it to be easy.  The main thing is that I am motivated to continue.

Other than the training that K and I do twice a week (only once this week) I have done no exercise, but, motivated by my friend at coloursofsunset, this morning I went for a walk and felt so good, it reminded me of how much I enjoyed walking.  The one down side was I remembered that the doctor had said that I need to do more than walking - I had to do cardio work - so am going to have to get working on that BUT the main thing is that I, once again, feel like I want to exercise, something I haven't felt like for a while.

A is working in Gladstone now so I have had a lonely day at home. K went off to work while I went for a walk before coming home and doing the laundry (just put on the 5th load for the day - who would think that there are only two of us in the house ?????), then I watched the very cheesy Strictly Ballroom which I have wanted to watch since first hearing about it on Dancing With The Stars - am glad I have seen it but certainly wouldn't say to anyone that it is a must see !!!!!

Have you got anything exciting planned for the rest of this weekend ?

TFTD : Do not follow in the footsteps of the wise.  Seek what they sought - Basho



Sorry

Linking in with Eden from edenland for Fresh Horses Brigade - this week it wasn't hard for me to write this blog to link in with Eden.

I'm sorry that I take my absolutely first class wonderful husband for granted on so many occasions.

I'm sorry that I didn't make myself available more for my daughter while she was growing up - now that she is nearly 20 I have realised just how much of her growing up I missed because I felt like I owed the company I worked for more than I owed her.

I'm sorry for not being a better daughter to my parents - for not doing more for them and making myself available for them.

I'm sorry that I never lived by myself before I got married - although sometimes I wonder if I could have - even so, I still regret not doing it to see if I could !

I'm sorry that I put more importance on buying our home rather than travelling overseas - I would have liked to have done more travelling by this time in my life.

I'm sorry that my brother and I have had a falling out and I cannot bring myself to put it all behind me.  It really doesn't matter if I was right or not but I just can't do it.

I'm sorry that my Dad is sick again - I am not ready for him to die yet.

I am not sorry that I am part of an amazing family who, even though I feel I have fallen far short of being the best wife and mom, love me unconditionally and accept me as I am and for who I am.

Where I Am Now

As those of you who have been following me for a while will know that I have weight issues - in reality and in my head.  No matter what I weigh, I generally feel like I am too heavy.  In the past I have always worked on losing weight without strengthening myself. 

Last year, K and I started working with a personal trainer who lives two doors down from us - it has been great. I cannot believe how much stronger I am now (physically) than I used to be.  But, this has not helped my weight loss much - in fact, while I have lost cms since I started, I haven't lost as many as I think I should have.

Last year, as a family, we did Lite 'n Easy and we lost a lot of weight between us.  I lost just over 25kgs and I was really pleased with how things were going.  But I got slack and I put about 15kgs back on before I got into the right head space to start pulling things back again.  I have since lost between 8-9kgs depending on the day of the week and that is where I seem to have got stuck.  No matter how good my eating was coupled with the fact that I was exercising (not just walking) for 1-1.5hrs per day 6 days per week - the weight just won't shift.  It is a cause of great frustration for me.  While I understand that my weight doesn't define who I am - it is a major part of my life.  Not because my husband doesn't love me if I am heavy or not - in fact he really couldn't care less how much I weigh - he just wants me to be happy.  I know that losing weight doesn't make my problems go away, it doesn't mean I will have more money, it doesn't mean everything will be hunky dory - it just means that I will be thinner when I am dealing with said issues.

I have been talking to my naturopath and doctor and they have both indicated that they thought the pill might be the reason for the stagnation of my weight loss so I have come off the pill.  The doctor also suggested a really strict diet.  I have researched this and still need to discuss it with A but from what I can see, if I can stick it out for the really restrictive time frame of 3 weeks, it could be just what I need to kick start the weight loss of these last pesky kilos that I can't shift.  The maintenance period is what I am really interested in doing because that is where I will find out whether it is the sugar/carbs or the fats which are what my body doesn't like dealing with and which are causing the weight to stay put.  If I do follow this eating plan for the three weeks, the whole process is going to be a really big learning curve for me.  Part of me is excited about the prospect of being able to shed these kilos quickly and part of me is nervous about the restrictive eating plan that I need to follow - but then I think - it is only 3 weeks - in the greater scheme of things, it isn't a long time and, if I put my mind to it, THERE IS NO REASON WHY I CAN'T DO IT.

The weather today is doing it's best to dampen my spirits and I am trying very hard not to let it - because I believe my TFTD from yesterday !!!

With A still working in Coffs and K rostered to work all weekend - I will have some time to myself on Sunday. I have some clients booked in tomorrow morning and then a catch up planned with a really good friend in the afternoon. Maybe K and I will go to the Suns game in the evening depending on the weather. Then Sunday is going to be a ME day along with catching up on the washing for the week but that will be OK to do - it isn't that hard !!!

I hope you all have a great weekend.

TFTD : Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did or not - Oprah Winfrey

Thankful Thursday : From Stress to Strength

Linking up with Kate for Thankful Thursday this week - there is one thing that I am extremely thankful for - not relating to "From Stress to Strength" and it is that my Dad's scan came back and showed that his cancer has not spread to any other organs.  He is booked in next Friday to have another radical neck dissection to cut out the melanoma in his neck before going on their holiday to South Africa that was postponed when they found the new lump in his neck.

Relating to "From Stress to Strength" I had a long think about it trying to choose what to write about.  Something that really sticks in my head is something that happened with K was about 6 months old.

Anyone who knows me will tell you I am not the most patient person going - in fact, I would probably have to be one of the most impatient people I know.  That aside, when K was about 5 or 6 months old - one night she started crying.  And she wouldn't stop.  She cried and cried and cried.  We carried her up and down the passage of our home trying to quieten her down.  She had a clean nappy.  She had been fed.  What was the problem ?  I had been walking up and down with her for about an hour when I realised that I had been patient with her - I hadn't shouted - I hadn't screamed - I had calmly held her and walked with her.  It is one of the times I recall thinking "So this is what being a parent is about.  Finding patience where there is normally none.  Walking miles and miles up and down the passage trying to quieten a crying child while having no idea of why they are crying."  At about 1am she started with a temperature and so A and I took turns sitting with her in a bath of cool water trying to get her temperature down.  Then she started to throw up.  At 6am we called the peadiatrican who had already left for the hospital so we called him there and he told us to bring her down IMMEDIATELY.  He tore strips off of us for not calling him sooner.  He explained how quickly a baby that small could suffer brain damage due to high temps and vomiting.  We were suitable chastised.  Luckily, K was fine - she spent 4 days in hospital on a drip before they sent her home as right as rain.

There have been other times when I needed patience with her but I have to be honest that as she has got older, my patience is probably not as in evidence as it was when she was little.  Having said that, I have found myself, on many occasions, being thankful that I am not as impatient as I used to be.  I draw on it when I need to - if I don't need to, I can be as impatient as I ever was !!!!

Thanks to Kate again for hosting - Thankful Thursday !!

Have the best Friday ever !

TFTD : If people and events can determine your happiness, they can determine your unhappiness.  Determine your own happiness and let people and events take care of themselves.

Why I Blog

This may not be the best time for me to blog given the volume of Amarula I have consumed tonight,but will give this a go anyway so that I can link in with Edenland!

I blog because it gives me somewhere to vent - somewhere where I can just say what I need without someone trying to fix it. Somewhere I can say exactly how I feel without feeling like someone is judging me. Somewhere where I can get support when I need it and encouragement when I need that. There are some bloggers that I feel closer to than I do people that I see every day - just a quick how are you and a question about something relevant at the time makes all the difference to my day. The 'converstions' on twitter on occasions are fantastic and show me that I do have things in common with other people - especially as there are times when I wonder just how different toothers I am.

This time around with blogging, I seem to have come across a vastly different range of bloggers and, while I have found many blogs I enjoy reading - I still find myself looking for a couple more who are in the same place as I am, and, when the time is right, I will find them. To me it is all about the timing (just as it is in life - it is about the timing)

Have the best Sunday ever !

Things I Know

Today I know that :

- I am soooooooooooooooo glad it is Friday - it has been a week of horrors

- Al is coming home tonight - for definite - YAY !!!!!!

- I can deal with more than I thought I could

- I have an amazing, caring daughter who I wouldn't swop for all the tea in China

- I am ready to tackle whatever else is thrown sent my way - I can do this and I will do this !

I hope I am able to link in with KateSaysStuff and the BlogHop
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(Added later - clearly my computer skills don't go as far as being able to get this link loaded correctly and for that I do apologise.  If anyone can mail me with tips on how I can get this to work so that it looks like everyone else's Blog Hop page I would really appreciate it.  I think that Sass, who designed my blog, has given me up as a bad job in trying to teach me how to do things on here - other than posting, I really don't seem to have much success with adding or deleting anything !!!)

 TFTD : When you do nothing, you feel overwhelmed and powerless.  But when you get involved, you feel the sense of hope and accomplishment that comes from knowing you are working to make things better - Unknown Quote


Happy Friday everyone - have a fantastic weekend !

Thankful Thursday

Linking up with KateSaysStuff with Thankful Thursday - this week / today / right  now I am thankful that my Dad is still with us. 

I am thankful that tomorrow they will do the scan and next week we will find out the results to know whether the cancer has spread.

I am thankful that for now Dad is still with us and I will honour, validate and appreciate every day that he is with us.

One of Those Weeks

Do you ever have one of those weeks that just seem to get worse the longer the week goes on ???  I am having that kind of week this week.

My weight was the first factor of the downward slide of my week because it was in an upward slide despite my tremendous efforts at eating correctly - despite my almost manic efforts at exercising - every day - for at least an hour - either working with a personal trainer or following the exercise plan of the MKC - despite the best intentions of making everything count.  But it didn't - the scales were up and in some cases my measurements were up to - how does that work I ask with tears in my eyes because that is the stage that I am now at.  How can I be doing everything so right and it turning out so wrong ?

Then A left for Coffs - which in itself I can handle - but on top of dealing with the stupid weight loss (or lack of) issue and my Dad's prognosis - I really wish he could have been at home this week. I need him more than I normally do because, as a rule, I am a big girl who can stay at home by myself without having to have someone stay with me - but this week is different.  This week I feel like I need him at home - and he isn't. 

Tomorrow we have our monthly board meeting - and I think it is going to be a doozy.  I think there is going to be lots happening - and not all of it will be pleasant - in fact, I would put money that most of it is going to be unpleasant.  I don't do confrontation well - not at all.  I would rather walk out of room that be involved in a confrontation - even if it doesn't involve me.  I anticipate a fair bit of confrontation tomorrow - so much so I am thinking of not going to the board meeting.  But then they may cancel it because there will be no presentation of the financials and then I will only have prolonged the agony.  Maybe I will go and get it over and done with.

On Thursday I have to go to the skin clinic to get checked.  It has been about 4 or 5 years since I last went - I am very naughty I know and given my Dad's situation, I have promised myself not to let it go this long between check-ups.

And then it will be Friday - the last day of the working week - with the possibility of A being home - or not - depending on how the sites are going.  The day of the week when I am in the office with only one director.  the day that either drags or flies by.  But it is good, no matter how it passes - because it means that one sleep from then it is the weekend !

TFTD : Love comes in all shapes and sizes and people who share it are very lucky.  They have a little halo around them - Meryl Streep